


Fingertips

by highest_water



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 08:49:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13244748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highest_water/pseuds/highest_water
Summary: Four days. Four days, six years ago. They changed it all. He was grieving and she was hurting. They found each other only to lose one another. Now, fate seems to have stepped in once more.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> New year, new story. Thank you for taking the time to read this. It really is appreciated.

_Then_

‘Sorry buddy, but I like my men a bit less married and with a bit more tact.’

He smirks into his drink. Holds in a grin at the voice of the woman sitting three seats down from him at the bar. One who has just rather brilliantly put the latest man to hit on her in his place.

He looks up to search for the face of the woman who has just warmed his heart. Cold as it is, these days, it’s moment like this that make him realise it still works. That show him that he can still feel something, _anything_ , besides the aching numbness that has taken up residence in his chest.

She’s stunning, because _of course_ she is. A delightful mix of angelic blonde curls and dark clothes. The world and its strange ironies.  It throws him. It’s been two months without finding a single thing to make him feel alive. Not the alcohol, not the nameless women in bars nor the sleepless nights.

And now, now when he finds himself hating himself that little bit more because he couldn’t even _stay_. Couldn’t even do the right thing. The honest thing. The thing he would have wanted him to do – that he raised him to do. No, of course it’s now, when he looks up and holds her gaze that he feels something smack bang in the middle of his chest.

He’s dearly tempted to look away because there’s something about her that makes him want to protect her. Not that she can’t take care of herself. Her witty takedown of the latest barfly to hit on her proves that. No, it’s that look in her eyes. The look of being left alone. She deserves better than the likes of him, broken as he is.

‘Your next drink is on the house.’  He glances up to see Will smiling at her and shaking his head in appreciation as she laughs. ‘What’ll it be?’

His body shoes something strange. There’s a strange flutter in his chest that doesn’t belong to the body of a grown man. And, damn it, if her laugh isn’t the best sound he’s heard in ages.

She idly twirls the stem of her wine glass between her fingers and then nods in his direction. ‘I’ll have whatever he’s having.’

‘You sure about that, darlin’,’ Will asks, eyebrows raised.

And he’s fairly certain her defiant nod isn’t supposed to be endearing, but it is on every level. He watches as Will shakes his head mumbling something that sound awfully like, ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ under his breath. It’s loud enough to hear and it makes her laugh. Again.

He loves that sound. The way her shoulders shake lightly beneath her jacket.

Will slides the amber liquid across the bar top toward her and then surprises him by setting another before him. ‘Keep an eye on her will you,’ the bartender says firmly.

He can only manage a nod of the head. Clearly Will has seen something beneath her tough exterior too. For all his bluster, the past few nights Killian has come to see that Will is quite protective over the females in the bar. He may flirt as if it’s going out of fashion, but when it comes down to it, he seems like a good enough sort of guy. Just not one whom he would want to date his sister.

_Shit._

Elsa.

‘How can you stand to drink this stuff?’ asks the beautiful blonde. She winces as she sips the whiskey before her.

‘You get used to it. Does the job on a cold night. Makes you forget.’

‘How depressing is it, that I think that sounds like a good idea?’ she replies with an angry shake of her head.

‘To forgetting,’ Killian says reaching down across the seats between them to clink his glass with her own. She smiles in a way that’s both beautiful and sad. The corners of her mouth turning down lightly.

‘If I ask you to move down here,’ she says gesturing to the stool beside her, ‘do you get that it’s because I don’t want to be hit on all night and not because I want _you_ to hit on me?’

He laughs. Thinks better of telling her that he’s pretty sure she should have worn a different outfit if that’s the case and slides down to join her.

He thinks her decision was just in time when the door opens, and the college crowd start to file in. She must be a couple of years older than them, maybe a couple younger than he himself is, but he doesn’t think it would deter them from hitting on her.

‘So, I guess you’re not from round here.’

‘Whatever gave it away,’ he smiles.

They’re quiet for a while. At ease with one another despite the fact that he’s itching to reach out and tuck the stray lock of hair currently framing her face back behind her ear. She doesn’t say much but she turns to survey him from time to time and he feels like he’s in an x-ray machine. Every inch open for her perusal.

Jesus Christ, does she not realise the affect she has on him. Does she not realise that words are supposed to accompany her looks? It doesn’t matter. This feel like the most important conversation I’ve had in a long time.

He’s speaking before he even really realises it. Surprises himself with the truth in his words. ‘I’m from England, originally, as I’m sure you’ve probably guessed. Live in Portlande now, but I just needed to get away for a while.’

She doesn’t say anything one again. It only serves to endear her to him more. Just nods her head in acceptance.

‘You passing through too?’

He notices the tightening of her jaw and the way the hand resting in her lap curls into a fist. ‘I live here, I guess. Or lived here. Think it’s time a for a change.’

There’s more to it. Just as there’s more to his own tale and yet it’s more than he’s given to anyone else recently. He suspects it may be the truth for her, also.

Will sighs dramatically as he comes to stand before them. Bar towel tossed over his shoulder. ‘So I really don’t know you,’ he speaks to the woman beside Killian, ‘but from what I’ve seen, you really don’t seem like the type to get the wrong idea. Can you just maybe reach over the bar and kiss me real quick?’

She snorts loudly in a way that is so unaffected it almost draws a laugh from Killian too.

‘Who is she and why are you looking so scared?’ she asks as Will’s eyes dart around the bar.

‘An ex or not even really an ex. We just hooked up, _once_ , but she seems to think it was all ‘Once upon a time’ and ‘happily ever after’.’

‘Did you let her think that?’

‘Christ, no! I told her it was a one-time thing and that I don’t date. She said she didn’t either.’

The blonde studies him closely almost as if she’s searching for a trace of a lie across his features. She clearly doesn’t find one and uses her hands to push herself up as she leans across the whisper something in his ear before kissing him on the cheek.

Whatever she said has Will laughing as he pours her another. He glances down the bar to where his ex-whatever must be and nods at Emma as if to say – job done.

‘Not just me,’ she adds. ‘Free drinks for my man deterrent too.’

Will narrows his eyes, but acquiesces and so Killian finds himself touching glasses with her for the second time that evening.

\--------

_Now_

Emma kind of wishes someone would have told her quite how tiring running a business was when you’re trying to run a five-year-old too.

‘Alex!’ she calls again. ‘Kid, come on. Aunt Ruby will be waiting.’

Alex skids into view around the corner, sliding across the wooden floor in his fuzzy socks. ‘I just wanted to get this.’

He clutches his drawing book in his hands. And she knows she’s bias since this beautiful boy is all hers, but she’s kind of convinced he is talented in the art department. She’s got a knack for colours and what not but as far as sketching is concerned, she’s hopeless.

‘Good thinking, champ,’ she smiles leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head. He only had it cut a week ago, but there’s already a veritable mop of dark hair again already. ‘I’ll grab your coat if you get your shoes on.’

They meet by the front door as she helps him into the arms of his coat before zipping him up. It scares her sometimes just how fast he is growing up.

‘Come on, Mom,’ he says grabbing for her hand. ‘I don’t want to miss the hot chocolate.’

Emma smiles to herself. He’ll never miss the hot chocolate, but it’s become a habit of Ruby’s to say Alex is just in time for the last one each time he goes to order and the excitement in his face every damn time never fails to warm her heart.

It’s a five-minute walk, if that, and they soon find themselves in the warmth of Granny’s. Ruby is finishing up serving a table near to the door and she shoos Emma in the direction of the stairs to the left leading up to Snow’s. She looks up to see Alex behind the counter chatting Granny’s ear off and knows he will be quite content for the next hour or so.

Sighing, she moves up towards the dessert counter smiling at Ashley who is serving tonight. ‘Is she in the back?’

‘She is indeed and mightily stressed. Please go and sort her out with your tough love.’

Emma laughs and pushes through the doors into their part of the kitchen. In the year since they’ve started their new venture, there have been plenty of hiccups but overall it has been an overwhelming success. Granny’s is now joined with Snow’s Bakery and All the Fish in the Sea to create a unique dining experience where customers pay at a central point in the same restaurant. They can sit where they want on the open plan floor and order at each counter. Children are welcome and it just seems to _work_.

‘You’re here! Thank goodness. Where’s Alex?’ Mary Margaret asks looking around for him. ‘Who changes their order for their wedding the day before? The day before? And then has the tenacity to act as if she is the person being inconvenience!’ She has flour on her cheeks and what looks suspiciously like frosting in her hair.

‘Breathe,’ Emma says gripping her shoulders. ‘You’ve made a great start and it’s not as if it’s the main cake. Let’s not let Her Royal Haughtiness get us down.’

The Mills – Locksley wedding cake stands proudly on the counter beside them. Emma’s not one to admit it, but she’s pretty proud of that one.

‘You’re right. At least we can get the cupcakes done in time,’ Mary Margaret says as some of the tension eases from her shoulders.

Emma reaches to grab her apron off the hook and ties it quickly behind her back. Coat and scarf already off and hung up away from the food prep area. ‘Now let’s get going because our little food taster will want to try it before he falls asleep on the counter.’

‘Oh, Emma. I’m so sorry. I know Saturday nights are yours and Alex’s nights.’

‘It’s seriously fine. He’s always up for hanging out here and let’s face it, all our nights are Emma and Alex nights.’ She loves it. Loves him. Loves their little duo despite the tiredness of being a single parent.

‘He’s such a good kid,’ Mary Margaret says as they fall into a seamless rhythm of measuring and mixing together.

Truthfully, Emma knows this. It baffles her sometimes, that he’s hers. Mary Margaret (and most of the rest of the town) are constantly telling her what a credit he is to her, but sometimes it still takes her by surprise.

‘How’s he finding first grade?’

‘Loves it. He’s completely besotted with his teacher.’

‘That’s good. I remember Nicholas and Ava liking Miss Hadley when they were in her class too.’

‘You should see his new grade photo,’ Emma says smiling at the thought of it. ‘He looks so damn proud of himself.’

At Mary Margaret’s request she wipes her hands on her apron and goes to retrieve her phone, scrolling through to find the shot.

‘Oh, well doesn’t he just look the happiest little chap,’ her friend gushes. ‘I can’t believe how fast he’s growing up.’

‘Tell me about it. I keep trying to pretend it’s not happening.’

Emma moves to put her phone away and grab the zester for the orange frosting.

‘I tell you what, you are going to have your hands full when he’s older with those dimples and those eyes.’

She’s used to hearing this too. People always comment on his eyes, but sometimes, just sometimes, it throws her. He looks so much like _him_. And normally she can just brush it off, she’s had plenty of time to perfect it. For some reason, it gets to her tonight.

‘Oh, Emma. I’m so sorry,’ Mary Margaret says coming to stand beside her and squeezing her hand. ‘Me and my big mouth. David says it’s like I’m on something when I’m stressed. The words just keep coming.’

That draws a soft laugh from Emma. ‘It’s fine. Just one of those things.’

She shakes it off as she’s done every day for over 6 years.

\--------

_Then_

‘So, Swan. Fancy grabbing a greasy burger from down the street.’

She startles in her seat so quickly she almost slips off and he’s certain it has everything to do with his words and not the amount of alcohol in their systems. Truth be told, his tolerance is far too high after so many nights of drinking himself to sleep.

Her eyes are wide in alarm, but when she speaks she’s angry. ‘Why did you call me that?’

‘Call you what, lass?’

‘Swan,’ she bites out. ‘Why did you call me that?’

He tilts his head to the side trying to fathom what the meaning behind her anger could be. They’ve spent the better part of the last two hours in one another’s company. She’s bloody brilliant. Guarded and hurt, yes, but also warm and vulnerable when she gives him a glimpse between her barricades.

‘Your necklace, lass. I don’t know your name and it caught my eye. Seemed fitting that’s all,’ he shrugs hoping to convey that it doesn’t mean whatever she thinks it means.

‘Oh, right,’ she goes quiet. He fingers covering the swan around her neck tightly.

‘You know, you could just tell me your name and then I won’t make the same mistake twice.’

She laughs, ‘No chance, buddo.’ She stands from her seat, picking up her jacket and he feels panic beginning to settle into his chest. This can’t be how she leaves. He won’t let her, although he’s not rightly sure he could stop her from doing anything she puts her mind to. She’s nearly at the door now and maybe he should just let her go. Easier this way. He’ll only hurt her.

‘Are you coming?’ she calls across the now busy bar to him. ‘I thought we were getting greasy burgers.’

He’s not ashamed to say his heart soars. Beats faster in his chest like a teenage boy.

And it has to be one of the best meals of his life and it has nothing to do with the food. She surprises him in the sense that he had assumed she’d be more closed off in the quieter setting of the diner and yet she’s more open. Shows more of herself than he’d thought and every glimpse, every new uncovered part of her more beautiful to him.

At first, he’d thought it may be the buzz from the alcohol but it’s clear as they sit and eat that she had entirely sobered up.

He shakes his head at her when she pinches another onion ring from his plate. She’s so damn beautiful and she has no idea. He tells her, and it makes her blush. Him too which she notices and teases him for.

He doesn’t quite care.

They’re both quiet as they walk from the diner later. She’d seemed uncomfortable about letting him walk her home, but had eventually relented. He wishes she didn’t think it was that reason. He’s been that guy too many times to count recently, but this is different. She’s different. It feels different with them. He truly does just want to see her home safe.

She says it’s back down the street in the direction of the bar which happens to be where he’s staying. The owner is away, and Will has been left in charge to rent out the apartment above as he sees fit. Killian can’t quite figure out why he seemed a safe bet when he’d strolled into the bar looking a little haggard a few days ago, but there you go.

He’d mentioned it to Swan earlier on in the night and when they get to the bar he finds her steps slowing.

‘Truly, lass. I really do just intend to walk you home. As stunning as you are.’ He hates that she’s stopped because she doesn’t trust him to walk her without expectation. There’s indecision written all over her face.

She smiles softly at him and gently bites her bottom lip. She’s not even aware she’s doing it, but it kills him. ‘It’s not that. I just…’ she tails off looking nervous.

‘Swan, what is it? Can I help?’

She kisses him, and he forgets every other kiss he’s ever had. He’s fairly certain it ruins him for all other kisses. This is more. Infinitely more.

‘I don’t want to go just yet,’ she whispers against his mouth.

‘Good, because I don’t really want you to go either.’ He takes her hand and leads them both up the stairs.

She stays. She stays and it’s everything. It’s never felt like _this_. Never quite felt like he’d met the person who might just be the person for him. The one to smooth out his kinks as he does hers and there’s something about the look in her eyes that makes him think maybe, just maybe, she’s feeling the same thing.

It’s hours later and it’s still fairly dark outside when he wakes to find her dressing quickly.

‘Were you going to leave without saying anything?’ he asks and though he’s hurt it comes out angrier than he intends.

She hastily buttons her blouse and throws him a look of disdain before stalking out of the room. He leaps from the bed and crosses the small excuse for a lounge in record time, grabbing her arm to still her movement.

She doesn’t turn and so he steps closer until he’s pressed close behind her. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that to come out as it did. I have no claim to you, I know that. I only meant that I don’t want this to be over. Swan, I….’ he tails off because what on earth can he say? That he has been drowning for weeks and she’s somehow breathed air back into his lungs. The way she is making him feel scares the hell out of him. He’s known her less than twelve hours and yet nothing he has experienced before can compare. (A part of him thinks nothing will.)

She hasn’t moved. She hasn’t turned back towards him; she hasn’t moved away either.

‘I’ll wait at the bar tonight,’ he breathes into the space over her shoulder.

He waits.

‘Okay,’ she breathes before pulling open the door and stepping out into the night.

To keep himself busy, he helps Will to move the new delivery that arrives. Sensing he needs the distraction, Will then enlists him helping to set up for the open mic night. Will, he finds, is easy company. Not too chatty, but what he does say counts. Rather like himself, he senses there’s a bit of a past there. There’s clearly a story told in the art that sprawls across his arms, but it isn’t one Killian can decipher.

By seven o’clock he’s propped himself up at the bar again in the same spot.

Will just raises an eyebrow at him in silent question seeing far more than Killian would like. ‘The usual?’

Killian nods glancing at the door as it opens. It’s not her.

‘Thanks, mate,’ he says. He’s only been here a few might nights, but he already has a usual. It makes him wonder whether he should switch to water soon enough. Truth be told, he wants to remember all his time with Swan.

If she shows.

Doesn’t want any memory to have the edges blurred by alcohol.

His phone buzzes and he glances down to see it’s Elsa asking if he’s okay. He drags a hand through his hair. How is it that _she_ is checking on _him_? He’ll give himself a while longer and then he’ll return. Liam raised him better than this.

His eyes are still on his phone when he feels her slide into the seat next to him. Wanting desperately to reach over and pull her to him in relief, he settles instead for smiling at her and offering his drink.

She smiles in return and takes a long pull. Her hair is tied back today. The blue blouse from last night replaced with a cream jumper that makes her look angelic. He laughs at the thought, knowing she’d hate the comment.

‘What are you laughing at?’

He holds up his hands in defence. ‘Nothing, Swan.’

‘Likely story,’ she mutters, and he doesn’t miss the way she makes a show of wrapping both her hands around his drink claiming it as her own. He doesn’t care. She can claim whatever she wants.

‘So you get to call me Swan, but what can I call you?’

‘Whatever you want love,’ he says throatily, and she laughs as he intended. They really should bottle that laugh.

‘Anything?’

‘Aye.’

‘Arnold.’

He shakes his head at her in mock offence. ‘What have I ever done to deserve that?’

She laughs and begins to real off an increasingly bizarre list of name choices – Reginald, Lesley, Percy, Horace…

When she stops, it’s on the tip of his tongue to just tell her when she says, ‘Alex.’

‘Alex?’

She tilts her head to the side and surveys him carefully. A small smile playing on her lips.

‘Yeah,’ she smiles, ‘Alex fits.’

‘Alex it is then,’ he grins.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support of this story so far!

_Then_

They end up on the roof. He makes some comment about another patron’s constellation tattoo. Claims it’s all wrong. There’s a star missing from the Virgo constellation and the northern most star is too far to the right.

She snorts into her drink and claims he could be telling her anything. Her knowing nothing about the stars.

And so, they climb out onto the fire escape from the apartment he’s found himself in and he watches her climb the ladder before him up onto the roof of the bar. He follows her up and for a moment he forgets that he’s supposed to be looking up at night sky and not at her. She showed up and it feels like _something_.

He can feel the blush on his cheeks when she catches him.

He finds he doesn’t mind.

‘Come on then, big shot,’ she teases. ‘Dazzle me with your star scholarship.’

‘Star scholarship? That’s not a thing, love.’

She shrugs, amused. Smiling. ‘It is now.’

‘Aye. Right then.’

They spend the next half an hour or so up there. Just them and the stars above them. The stars aren’t as bright, dimmed by the city lights, but it’s a clear, crisp night and he can point out enough to leave her a little impressed. Not that she’d admit it to him, he thinks.

‘And this one, he says,’ using his hand to guide her gaze, ‘is Cygnus.’

‘Here?’ she asks gesturing with her hand. She has one eye squeezed shut as if looking through a viewfinder. Stepping behind her, he slides her arm slightly to the left.

‘There.’

‘Huh, it’s pretty.’

‘Apt.’

She turns with a question in her gaze.

‘Well, Cygnus is Latin for ‘The Swan.’’

And for a moment, it all stops. Her lips part in surprise and her eyes flash. Greener. Impossibly greener. ‘Really?’

He nods. Not wanting to break the spell that’s put that look on her face.

She hums, mulling over the stars that share her name. Or, at least, his name for her. ‘I kind of like that.’

‘It’s my new favourite star,’ he grins which earns him a playful smack to the arm and he’s pretty certain he catches the words, ‘Real smooth’ muttered under her breath.

She’s still smiling though. Smiles as she reaches up to press a soft kiss to his lips. ‘Thank you,’ she breathes, ‘for this.’

‘Aye, I hung them there for you.’

That earns him an eye roll. She shakes her head, smiling at the cheesiness of his very obvious line. He knows he’ll do just about do anything to keep making her smile. It doesn’t seem to matter that he’s only just met her. He feels like he knows her. She cuts a beautiful silhouette against the night sky.

‘How do you know so much about it all anyway?’

Her question is innocent, but he feels his own shoulders tense immediately. His throat suddenly seems smaller as if there’s not enough air in the night sky.

‘Whoah, hey. I’m sorry,’ she reaches out to squeeze his forearm and he finds himself placing his palm over her own. Finding comfort in her touch.

She waits. Doesn’t say anything while he gathers himself. The tilt in her head shows understanding, but not the pity he has grown accustomed to seeing in the face’s of others over the last couple of months.’

‘I…’ he searches for the right words.

‘Hey, I didn’t mean to push you. I’m not trying to dredge anything up here.’ She means it. Sees it in her face, hears it in her voice. ‘I get what it’s like to have bad memories.’

He squeezes her hand beneath his. ‘We make a right pair.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Yeah.

‘I had an older brother.’ God, he hates the past tense. ‘He was in the Navy. Captain, in fact. My Captain.’

She smiles at him and somehow he finds the words spilling from his mouth. The storm. The accident. The indescribable loss at losing his brother and best friend and bloody hero. How he keeps replaying the accident over and over again trying to find the answer to what he should have done to save him. How he’d been pulled from the water. His own lungs burning from the exertion of trying to find him. To save him.

He’d failed. That was the truth of the matter in the end. He’d failed the one person who had never failed him.

He talks of how he left Portland three weeks ago. Unable to breathe in a space where every little thing reminded him of Liam. How he hates that he’s left his sister-in-law behind but that he couldn’t be there for her in the state that he was. It’s selfish and he hates himself for it, but he left her because she shouldn’t see him like this.

Elsa, being who she is, would try to help him. Try to care for him in the role of big sister she had assumed so easily. She didn’t need to be taking care of Killian when she’d just lost the love of her life.

When he finally finishes his sorry tale, she just steps close to him. Gently presses a kiss to his cheek and turns back to look at the stars.

He feels lighter, less burdened from having shared his pain. His guilt.

She stays by his side.

It gives him hope.

\--------

_Now_

It’s a funny thing; trying to describe to someone who doesn’t have children how every little thing you thought you knew before having a child changes once they’re here. Watching the television is no longer a quiet activity, a car journey no longer time to collect your thoughts, washing clothes a daily activity rather than a weekly habit.

They’re at the store picking up groceries for dinner at Ruby and Jeff’s place. Alex is, as usual, full of questions. Where does this come from? What does it taste like? Can we get the cereal with funny shapes in?

No, nothing is the same. A mundane trip to the store becomes an adventure when accompanied by a curious five-year-old. She’s not complaining. Alex is rarely out of sorts. He doesn’t tantrum about such boring outings or demand treats – but he is exhausting. Emma wonders sometimes if he is a bottomless pit of questions. Wonders too if she would have been the same as a child had she had adults in her life who would have cared enough to answer her questions. To talk to her. She’ll do her damnedest to always answer Alex’s questions. To show she cares in what he has to say. To value him.

Ruby is currently making Alex laugh by giving the vegetables names as he tries to pick a pepper for dinner.

‘Oh, but you can’t leave Simon behind,’ Ruby says as Alex’s hand hovers over another pepper in the box.

Her son giggles and moves his hand over the ‘Simon’ pepper in question. ‘This one?’ he asks. Her boy takes not touching food they aren’t going to buy very seriously since he came to the store with Jeff one day.

Ruby nods and Alex says hello to Simon the Pepper as he finds his way into the basket.

‘Rubes, do you mind if I go grab a couple of things we need for home?’ she asks. Knowing they’re low on milk and cereal.

‘No problem. We can keep checking of the items on the list, can’t we handsome?’

Alex nods walking along happily beside them. ‘Can I find the right one?’  he asks. Meaning whether he can scamper off a few paces ahead to hunt down the right aisle.

‘Of course, kiddo. Just stay where I can see you.’

She keeps an eye on him as she and Ruby walk further down towards the right isle. She watches Alex come to a halt after peering into the aisle and turn to give them a thumbs up.

Emma presses a kiss to the top of his head as they reach him and enlists him in helping choose their cereal for the week. Ruby waltzes further down the aisle, list in hand looking for something or other that Jeff needs.

‘This one or this one.’ Alex says touching each of the boxes. He jumps to tap the one on the higher shelf and Emma can’t help but laugh.

‘I think we better get this one since you put in so much effort to show me,’ she says reaching to grab the box.

‘Thanks, Mom,’ he grins and that’s when she hears it.

A voice she’d recognise anywhere.

She freezes, unable to turn in the direction of the voice. Hears the voice stop and somehow she _knows_ it’s him.

Senses he’s seen her too. She forces herself to turn around, looking up to take in the sight of him.

He’s _here_.

He’s here and there’s a beautiful little girl with her hand in his as she swings his arm back and forth. The rest of him is stock still. His eyes are on hers and for a moment the rest of the world fades away.

Emma can’t quite believe it. She feels half torn between panic and disbelief.

She’s pulled out of her reverie, by a tug on the sleeve of her jacket. ‘Mom, can I?’

‘What’s that, kiddo?’ she asks turning to face him.

‘Can I go with Ruby?’

‘Oh, sure,’ she nods looking to find Ruby waiting at the bottom of the aisle.

Alex whips around and scampers off to Ruby’s outstretched hand and they disappear around the corner.

She hasn’t turned back around. Half wonders if she does if he won’t be there. If, after all this time, she’s imagined it. It’s somehow not him.

‘Swan?’

It’s real.

Turning to face him, she finds he hasn’t moved an inch from the spot he was in. He looks like he’s seen a ghost. His gaze on the empty spot left behind by Alex.

Emma can only nod in response. Her tongue suddenly feeling too big for her mouth.

She watches as he turns to talk to the little girl beside him. Emma’s heart squeezes because there’s no doubting the resemblance. Though the girl is blonde, she has the same dimple in her cheek as she smiles, and the same blue eyes and Emma’s chest hurts further when he speaks to her. ‘Hey, sweet pea. Why don’t you choose the cereal Mom likes for her?’

He has a family and now she and Alex are about to be thrown into the mix.

She’d wanted this moment for so long and now she wants to hot foot it out of there.

The little girl skips off to do as he asked and though he keeps his gaze where he can see her, he steps a little closer toward Emma.

She has to fight the urge to step back. It’s all to overwhelming.

He swallows and runs his hand through his hair.

‘He, he’s…’

She nods, knowing the question he hasn’t asked. Alex had called her Mom and he clearly must be about the right age for it to be possible, but it’s the fact that Alex looks even more like him than the little girl he is here with. She watches as so many emotions cross his face that she feels dizzy.

He shakes his head in shock looking close to collapsing on the floor.

‘I’m a _father,’_ he breathes and Emma’s not sure if she’s supposed to hear or not, but she does and the wonder in his voice cripples her. She wanted this moment 6 years ago. Not now, not like this. Not when he already has another family. She doesn’t want to do this to him. To tamper the happiness he has found. How will she tell Alex that his Dad has another child the same age as him? How will she even force those words out of her mouth?

She raises a hand to her mouth to stop _something_ from coming out. A sob or a scream. She’s not sure.

‘Swan, I…’

He takes a step towards her and this time she does takes a step back feeling a need to protect herself from the way in which her heart hammers in her chest at the sight of him. She sees the way he flinches at that, but it’s just too damn _much._

When she speaks her voice is stronger and clearer than she feels. ‘Look, I don’t want to ruin your happiness or cause trouble for you. You,’ she pauses, gathering her thoughts, ‘you have a beautiful family and I don’t want to interfere with that.’

‘Swan,’ he says gently in that way that makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She looks up at him. He’s looking at her as if he’s worried that if he blinks she’ll disappear.

It’s a lot. She knows. She can’t quite comprehend what must be going through his mind, but the look on his face makes her hopeful and she can’t let herself dwell on that. Not when he was doting on his beautiful little girl a few moments ago. She just _can’t_.

‘Your daughter is beautiful,’ she whispers not knowing what else to say.

‘My daughter? There’s two of them?’

‘What?’

‘You had twins?’ he says a little too loudly and a couple of other customers stop to look at them. ‘Sorry,’ he says realising he’s unintentionally caused a bit of a scene. ‘I have a daughter too?’

‘Not with me, you don’t,’ Emma says feeling she’s missing something. ‘I meant your daughter,’ Emma says turning to point over her shoulder to the little girl choosing cereal for her Mom.

He lets out a shaky breath. ‘Olivia? Christ. She’s my niece. Olivia, she’s Liam and Elsa’s daughter.’

Emma too lets out a breath she wasn’t sure she was holding and wonders whether it makes her a dreadful person to feel relieved.

‘Up until three minutes ago, I had no idea I was someone’s Dad.’

Her next words leave her mouth before she can stop them. ‘I tried to find you.’

He takes a step closer. Confusion etched across his brow. ‘What do you mean? Why didn’t you just call, or write, or even turn up?  I gave you the address.’

Her head swims. Address? Number? ‘What are you talking about? You didn’t do that. I came back to the bar and you just weren’t there. I asked the bartender and she said the apartment was empty. That you’d left earlier in the afternoon.’

‘No, Swan,’ he says voice urgent and pleading and she finally lets herself marvel in the fact that he still remembers the endearment he’d given her long ago. ‘I would never have just left. Not after…’ he pauses. Collects himself. ‘I gave the letter to Will explaining that Elsa called. She’d found out she was pregnant, and she was in the hospital because she’d fallen, and she was, well, you can imagine. I left a letter for you with every possible way of reaching me.’

And everything she thought she knew shifts in that moment. Certainty disappearing into the air before her. ‘I never got it,’ she says choking on a sob.

He’s stepped even closer now. Their feet almost touching, and she knows, knows that if he reaches for her she’ll go to him.

‘Mom! Mom! We’re ready. Ruby says Jeff can show me how to do the lobster!’ Alex comes rushing down the aisle towards them. His happy chatter easing the knot in Emma’s stomach. He slides to a stop beside her, grasping onto her leg to stop himself from slipping.

She crouches down to talk to him quietly. ‘You do know that it will involve killing the lobster, sweetheart? It won’t be a pet if we take one home?’

‘I know, Aunt Ruby already told me all about it, but Jeff is cool. I want to try it,’ he says excitedly.  

Ruby’s heeled boots sound on the floor as she comes behind them. Emma sees her eyes dart appreciatively to the man beside her (to Alex’s god damn _father_ ) and then widen when she sees it. Sees Alex in twenty-five years’ time.

‘Ruby,’ she says without missing a beat.

‘Killian,’ he says shaking her offered hand and Emma realises in that moment that it fits him perfectly. Alex fits Alex, but Killian is _Killian_. It’s him in every sense. His name is Killian.

‘I’m Alex,’ her son pipes up from next to her and she feels Ruby grasp her own hand as Killian kneels down to shake hands with her son. His son. Emma’s heart melts at the way he looks at him in wonder and awe. ‘Nice to meet you, lad. I hope you like your lobster.’

‘Have you ever had it?’ Alex asks in his easy way.

‘Aye. Although not for a while. Maybe I’ll need to get some too.’

Alex nods enthusiastically and Killian smiles at him. And his smile is Alex’s smile. God, she needs to leave now before she breaks down in the supermarket.

‘Hey, handsome,’ Ruby says using her nickname for Alex. ‘How about you and I go pay for our dinner and meet your Mom out front. You can even ring Jeff and tell him which one you picked.’

At his usual speed, Alex is turning and ready to run fill tilt down the aisle. Ruby squeezes Emma’s hand once more in silent reassurance.

‘You named him Alex,’ he breathes.

A tear finally escapes as she nods. He reaches to brush gently away with his thumb while she tries furiously to pull herself together.

‘Can we talk more, love? Please. I…I want to get to know him.’

‘Not now,’ she says, and it probably comes out a lot harsher than it was intended. ‘Sorry, I just –  I don’t mean no. This is just a lot.’

‘I know.’

He does know, of course he does. He just found out he’s a father and he’s standing there taking it better than her.

‘I can give you my number and we could meet over the weekend maybe. I’m pretty flexible during the week but I figure you might be at work. Or do you not live nearby?’ That hadn’t even occurred to her. Maybe he was just passing through.

‘No, no I live nearby.’

She hates to admit how much that settles her heart.

‘Misthaven, actually.’

She gasps. That’s twenty minutes away in the car. How is this possible? How is it possible that he has been so close, and she didn’t know? Their son doesn’t know that he has a father a short journey away.

It’s all too much. Her emotions too raw. She needs to leave.

‘I…I need to go,’ she says looking anywhere but at him.

‘Sure,’ he says as if he understands her need to flee. He presses his phone into the palm of her hand.

Quickly adding her cell to his contacts, she hands it back to him. The look on his face causes her to pause.

He glances up at her. A soft smile on his face. ‘Emma.’

He says her name like it means everything to him. He says it the same way he says Alex’s name. And she realises, he never knew her name either. It just felt like he had because his nickname for her had been right, she was a ‘Swan’. They’d met all those years ago, but this is the first time they’ve met as Emma and Killian.

‘I really should…’ she tails off.

‘Sure.’

For a moment she thinks he is about to hug her. His arms twitch at his side, but he doesn’t move towards her. Just nods as she turns to leave. She’s just about to round the corner of the aisle (hand gripping the basket so tightly that her knuckles whiten) when she stops to turn around and look at him.

He’s frozen in the same spot staring down at his phone still. His whole life has changed in an instant, just as hers had done all those years ago. She takes a moment to take him. Allows herself this. He’s only grown more handsome, she thinks. Shed some of the sadness that had enshrouded him when they’d met. He wears his hair a little shorter now too. It suits him. (Shows off his pointy ears. The same damn ones that Alex has inherited.)

As if sensing her watching him, he glances her way. Unsure of what to do, she raises her hand and he does the same. It’s awkward until a wide grin spreads over his face. He’s happy about this, she realises. And there’s a part of her that always thought he might be, hoped he would be. Hoped that her judgement of him so long ago was honest and true.

Her phone buzzes in her hand.

**Please tell Alex I got a lobster.**

Her heart clenches as another text comes through.

**If that’s okay with you, of course.**

_It’s okay with me._

She turns to leave before she can do something stupid like tell him she’s missed him or that he should come to dinner because how can you really miss someone for six years that you only knew for days?

She can’t do those things.

There’s too much unsaid.

There’s too much at stake.

As she makes her way across the parking lot, she sees that Alex and Ruby are both already buckled in. When her phone vibrates again in her pocket, she can’t tell if she’s disappointed or relieved that it is Ruby and not Killian.

**I will 100% pretend that I forgot something and go back inside and scare him the hell off if you need me too. Just say the word.**

Emma laughs and shakes her head. She would. She knows that.

_Not necessary._

**Then can I say that he is smoking hot, Emma. Like holy hell. No wonder you two created Mr Handsome.**

_That obvious, huh?_

She figures Ruby had figured it out in the store. Not that hard when you look at the resemblance between father and son or the awkwardness between she and Killian. She’s almost at the car now but Ruby replies anyway, knowing that they can’t talk about it with Alex in earshot. He’s far too smart for not-so-subtle adult conversations to pass him by. (She’s learned that the hard way over years.)

**Alex is his double. It’s uncanny.**

**You okay?**

_I think so_

She hits reply as she opens the car door and settles in. Alex immediately begins to chatter about his day at school and how they get to visit the fire station next week. She feels her heart settle as she listens to his happy chatter on the way to Ruby’s house.

A part of her wonders whether he gets this from Killian. She’s hardly a talker herself. In truth, neither was Killian when she met him, but then he was grieving and hurt. Maybe this is another part of Alex that he has gotten from him. From his Dad. She’s never allowed her mind to dwell too long on these things before. Sure, it had been hard to deny their physical resemblance. She’d just never allowed herself this part before. It had spoken to much of impossible dreams and sadness.

To his credit, Alex is true to his word and listens and watches in fascination as Jeff prepares the lobster for them for dinner. Emma apologises since she’s making him cook seafood when it’s his night off from the restaurant. He jokes that he’s starting Alex’s training early for when he becomes a chef himself.

She chuckles at Alex’s puffed up chest at the compliment. He’s sitting on the counter top near Jeff. Close enough to see, but not close enough to be at risk. He’s got a good knack for keeping himself safe in kitchens after spending so much time in them growing up.

‘Could I do both?’

‘What do you mean, mate?’ Jeff asks as he whips up a marinade without even seeming to concentrate on what he’s doing. Being friends with people in the food industry certainly has its perks.

‘Could I be a policeman and a chef?’

Emma smiles at his innocence. He’s been set on becoming a police officer pretty much since he was old enough to realise what David did for a job. He completely idolises him and Emma is forever grateful that he has a positive male role model in his life. Since Ruby and Jeff moved in together, he’s spent more time with the man who is not quite so brooding as he pretends to be. He’s a complete softie when it comes to Alex, so it makes sense that her son would look up to him too.

‘You can do anything you want, matey,’ Jeff replies easily.

‘Mom, what does Killian do?’

She stops. Glass mid-way to her mouth. Her heart thuds against her chest. She thinks Jeff must be able to hear it from the way he turns to look at her. He clearly realises something is wrong.

‘Erm, I’m not sure, kiddo.’ She has no idea what Killian does anymore. She knows he used to be in the Navy. She remembers the naval insignia tattoo on his forearm. The ink to his brother’s name beneath it still shining from its freshness. Not wanting to lie to her kid, she shares what she knows. ‘He used to be in the Navy a long time ago, but I don’t think he still does that anymore.’

‘The Navy?’

Jeff graciously steps in and asks her to take a lemon to Ruby in the other room for the drinks. It’s absolute nonsense considering that they’re drinking wine, but she hastily snatches it from him and disappears through the door.

She can hear Jefferson beginning to explain a little about what it means to be in the Navy, but it becomes blurred before her.

What the hell does she do now? Her life was good this morning and now…crap.

‘Hey, Em I was…,’ Ruby turns to her from where she is setting the table. Stopping mid-sentence when she sees the look on Emma’s face. ‘Whoah, hey. Sit down, before you fall down. You’ve gone white as a ghost.’

Ruby sits beside her and covers her hand with her own. ‘What happened?’

‘Alex was talking about being a chef like Jeff when he’s older and then he turned and asked me what Killian does and I just…’ she shrugs not quite knowing what to say.

Ruby grip tightens on hers.

‘God, sorry for being a mess.’

‘Makes a nice change,’ Ruby laughs. ‘It’s normally me. And I think finding your boy’s father qualifies you for having a free pass at the crazy today.’

‘Okay.’

‘Okay.’

‘Look, I know I don’t know the whole story, but is he a good guy?’

Emma nods. Of that she’s sure. It makes no sense to her. It never did. She’s hardly the most trusting kind. It took months for her to let her guard down with the people of this town and yet mere days of knowing Killian was enough for her to know. To be sure. To trust him.

‘Then as messed up as this is, this is probably a good thing, right?’

Put so simply, Emma can’t help but think that Ruby is probably right. She just doesn’t quite know what to do from here. This isn’t a situation she ever thought she would find herself in.

‘Hey, can you keep this between us for now? I just need to figure this out and talk to Killian.’

‘Of course, my lips are sealed.’

‘I mean, you can tell Jeff since I’m pretty sure he now knows something is going on. I need to tell David myself though,’ Emma speaks and realises that this is yet another conversation she doesn’t know how to have. Ruby might not know the full story, but David does.

She hadn’t even really meant to tell him. He knew a little, new enough not to ask. Then Alex’s second birthday rolled around and she ended up crying in the corner of David and Mary Margaret’s bathroom. She’d only been in town two months and they’d gone to so much trouble to make the day special and despite it all she missed Killian. (Not that she’d had a real name to give to him at the time. He was still Alex in her mind.) She’d told David she was insane for missing someone she’d known less than a week.

He’d only smiled and put an arm around her. Waited for her to story to spill forth. Their story – hers and Killian’s. David, of course, had been insistent that he should try and find him. Blinded temporarily by his chivalry until he realised that they had nothing to go on. No real name, no current job information. If Emma and Alex had lived in Portland for the better part of a year and not found him, then what other hopes did they have?

She needs to talk to him about this. Needs him to be there for her and yet she’s scared of telling him. Scared by how real it will make it all.

She shakes off her concerns as they settle down to dinner and for a while she can forget. She’s so lucky to have found this town and its people who welcomed her and Alex to the fold as if they had always been there. As if they were meant to be there.

Maybe Emma shouldn’t be surprised by Alex’s love of the lobster. He has a determined streak a mile long and if he’s decided to like something he invariably will. It may also have something to do with Jefferson’s cooking. Remembering her promise to Killian she takes a breath and speaks up.

‘Hey, kiddo. Killian wanted me to tell you that he was going to get a lobster too.’

There’s a quick glance shared by Ruby and Jefferson. An unspoken communication that they’ll talk about it later. Emma’s grateful.

‘Cool! I bet he didn’t do it as well as Jeff though,’ he replies which earns him a high-five from the chef.

Her kid is open and warm-hearted (something which baffles her and astounds her each day). Maybe he’ll cope with all this better than she will.

‘Maybe he could come next time we have lobster?’ Alex asks in the way that five-year olds do. They meet someone and immediately decide to be friends.

Smiling at him, she nods. Maybe she _can_ do this without messing it all up.


	3. Chapter 3

_Now_

She swings by the station around 2pm.  Alex is at swimming and Harry’s Mom is on car-pool duty and then he’s staying for dinner with them afterwards. Emma’s already cleaned the house and done the laundry and she’s pretty much run out of reasons to put off visiting her self-nominated brother.

The station is quiet, because it’s the weekend and it’s Storybrooke and the few felons they have seem to show some semblance of respect for the Sherriff’s weekend. David is on the phone when she enters, but he smiles at her when she shakes the bakery bag in her hand.

Gathering her courage, Emma grabs a couple of plates for them and sets down the take-away coffees on one of the empty deputy’s desks in the main office.

David emerges from his own office having finished up his call and walks over to her squeezing her to his side as he takes a long swig from his drink.

‘Thanks,’ he grins. ‘I needed that.’

‘All okay?’

‘Aye, just trying to sort things out for the open day.’

For the last two years, the emergency services had held an open day at the Police Headquarters in Misthaven. She and Alex go to support David, but even Emma has a soft spot for the day. It’s family friendly and well-organised and Alex loves it.

‘Anything I can do?’

‘Just bring yourself and Alex along. How is he?’ David asks as he begins to tuck into his bear claw.

‘Good,’ she nods. ‘He’s good. Looking forward to tomorrow.’

David has always been too good at reading her. Today, it annoys her when he asks, ‘And you?’

Sitting up a little straighter she forces herself to meet David’s perceptive gaze. ‘I saw Alex’s father yesterday.’

‘You what?’ David is out of his seat. Whether from surprise or anger, she can’t tell. ‘Why didn’t you say you were looking for him again?’

‘Jeez, calm down Rambo. I didn’t look for him. I bumped into him. At the Supermarket.’

Her joke lightens David’s mood, he clearly sensing that Emma isn’t is need of his anger right now. ‘Whoah.’

‘Whoah indeed.’

‘Are you alright?’

She shrugs. ‘I honestly have no idea.’

‘Did you tell him about Alex?’

‘He was with me.’

‘Shit.’

Emma smiles. David never swears. ‘He knew as soon as he saw him. How could he not? I always knew he looked like him, but seeing him again just made it real you know.’

She can’t stop replaying the moment where Killian had introduced himself to Alex on a loop in her head. Sees the way he’d smiled at his son. The rush of emotions that crossed his face.

‘And Alex?’

David’s voice surprises her. She hadn’t realised when he had moved closer to crouch down beside her.

‘Doesn’t know.’ A tear escapes from her eye. Damn David and his comfort. ‘He introduced himself to Killian – that’s his real name. Killian. Convinced him to buy a lobster and then skipped off with Ruby.’

‘A lobster?’ he laughs. ‘You have to tell me how that came about?’

And so she does. Fills David in on her assumption that he had a daughter and then scared the hell out of him thinking he was the father of twins. Cries a little when she tells him how Killian had left a letter for her that she never got. Explains her intention to meet him soon, but that he’d had to go out of town for work for the week.

‘Do you really buy that?’ David asks incredulous.

She nods. Killian had been upset in his texts about having to go. Even she could tell that.

‘Do you want me to come with you when you meet him?’

She laughs at his macho act. ‘And what? Scare the crap out of him, Sherriff? Turn up with your badge and your gun?’

David straightens his shoulders, crosses his arms over his chest. ‘The offer is there.’

‘Thank you, but not necessary. He’s not going to do anything.’

‘Are you sure, Emma?’ David looks uneasy about his next words, but decides to plough ahead anyhow. ‘How well do you really know him? He might not be who you think. You’ve been let down before’

Emma feels anger course through her veins. ‘I didn’t come here for you to lecture me, David. I came here because I needed to talk to someone else who loves Alex about what to do. I’m well aware that I have been let down before since it happened to _me_.’

‘I get that, but don’t you think this story of a lost letter is a little too convenient to his cause?’

‘Convenient?’ she half yells. ‘How is missing the best part of six years of his son’s life convenient?’

David moves to speak, but she cuts him off and continues. ‘You’ve never even _met_ Killian so don’t assume the worst. _I’m_ the person who knows him in this scenario and I don’t believe for a single second that he will do anything to hurt Alex. Christ, what kind of mother do you think I am that I would do that?’ She stands slamming her hand on the desk and snatching up her jacket to leave.

‘Emma, wait,’ David calls as he reaches out to stop her, but she sidesteps him and walks away.

She’s too angry to return home, so finds herself down by the docks walking angrily until she reaches the bench tucked behind the sea wall at the furthest point. Maybe she’ll come to see David’s reasoning at some point, but she’s just plain cross at the moment. She’s known her fair share of hardship in her life. Had more than he share of bad luck and broken promises.

Killian doesn’t feel like that though. He doesn’t belong with those memories. He never did.

Her phone vibrates in the pocket of her jeans. She almost doesn’t look, presuming it’s David, but then finds herself sliding it from her jacket pocket anyhow in case it’s to do with Alex.

It’s Killian.

**I’m just setting off for home. I have work tomorrow. Please say when is good to meet next week and I’ll make sure I can be there.**

Emma wonders what exactly he does that has had him working away all week and now working on a Sunday.

_That’s okay. Alex and I have plans tomorrow anyhow. I could meet you in your lunch hour on Monday?_

His reply is instant.

**Yes. Monday is great. Where works for you?**

She knows he lives in Misthaven. Assumes he usually works there too, so she settles on one of the parks about halfway between them.

He replies that he’ll see her then and Emma thinks that’s the last she’ll hear from him untill her phones lights up again in her cold hand.

**Thank you, Swan. I know this must be strange for you.**

She shakes her head at his consideration.

_Pretty sure it’s strange for you too._

**True. A good kind of strange though. Better than good.**

They’re just words, Emma knows this but she’s so damn glad to read them on the screen before her. Especially following her conversation with David. She’s glad to have a little more proof that she’s not wrong about Killian.

**How is he? Is he okay?**

And normally, this would cause Emma’s spine to straighten. She’d feel protective and judged thinking he was questioning her ability to parent. The feeling doesn’t come. Just like it didn’t when they’d shared a drink in a bar as strangers.

_He’s good. At swimming at the moment and then having dinner at his friend’s house. He has a better social life than I do._

**Aye. I find Olivia is often the same. Always busy with something or other.**

He’s clearly fond of his niece. She’d assumed she was his daughter from the way they were with one another and how she shares the same blue eyes as Killian and Alex.

She realises too that Olivia is Alex’s cousin. Elsa his aunt. Her boy will have additions to his make shift family in time.

_She’ll be Alex’s cousin._

**Aye. She’ll be so bloody excited when she finds out.**

**I won’t say anything until you’re ready though. I’ve found six-year olds can’t keep secrets.**

_Nor five-year olds. He talks a mile a minute when he gets going._

**I gathered from the lobster excitement.**

She doesn’t reply. Just sits back and lets it wash over her listening to the breeze.

\-------

He has a son.

A son who is five years old.

A son who is named after him despite it not really being his name. (God, he thought he was about to have a heart attack when he realised the name Emma had given him.)

His son likes lobster.

After texting Emma he can now add three more things to the list:

His son goes to swimming lessons, has a friend who he plays with and likes to talk.

Knowing about him is everything and somehow not enough. He’s desperate to see him again. To let him know he’s his. That he’ll always be here for him. That he always would have been if he’d known.

(He’s desperate to see Emma too, but he keeps that part to himself for now.)

He’d cried when he’d told Elsa about him. His boy. His son. Couldn’t have stopped the tears if he’d tried.

And Elsa had apologised again and again about how she’d taken so much from him. How he’d lost out on raising his son because he’d returned to her to help raise his niece. He’d assured her that he will never regret being there for her and Olivia. He means it. They’re family.

And though it’s the truth, it doesn’t stop him from feeling cheated. Cheated from a different kind of happiness to the one he found.

He hates the fact that he’d had to return to Providence to give evidence in a case this week. He’d been itching to talk to Emma in person and now that he’s back he has to wait yet another day as he spends the next six hours at work.

Closing his locker, he sees Eric arriving. ‘Hey, mate. How’d the case go?’

‘As well as it could do,’ he nods. ‘Glad to be back.’

Eric straps on his vest as Killian has just done. It’s a different feeling today, knowing it’s for show and not for in the line of duty. ‘Come on. Dalton says we’re out by the cars to start with.’

They head out to one of the front verges which today is covered in an array of emergency service vehicles. All the emergency services banding together to raise awareness within the community and encourage children to learn about keeping safe. It’s already busy and Killian has to smile. There had been nothing like this at his previous job and he can see why it’s such a success.

The day is dry, if cold, and the turn-out is good. Eric takes a quick break when his wife and their new-born show up. Killian happily stepping into the void to answer questions from eager teenagers and excitable children about the different types of cars and the guns strapped to his side.

Eric offers him a break when he returns, but Killian declines. He’s not that hungry yet and there’s been a sudden influx of people nearby. So much so, that he doesn’t see her until she’s almost on top of him.

‘Swan,’ he calls out and she stops in her tracks. Surprise written all over her features at seeing him and also at seeing him in his uniform.

There’s a pretty brunette beside her, although it’s not the same friend from the other day. He looks around for Alex and then sees him step from beside his mother and barrel towards him. ‘Killian!’ he grins up at him.

Crouching down to his level, Killian matches his smile with one of his own. ‘Hey, Alex.’

He’s delighted to see him, of course he is. He already knows there will never be a time in his life when he does not want to see him. To be near him. He’s his _son._ He does, however, briefly wish that the second time he meets his son is not when he has a gun strapped to his side _._

‘You’re a policeman like Uncle David!’

Killian is barely given a moment to contemplate who Uncle David may be when Alex is turning to talk to his Mom. ‘Mom, he’s a policeman. Look!’

‘I see that, kiddo.’ Emma says ruffling his hair.

Killian stands to say hello and can’t help but notice the faint blush on Emma’s cheeks. He dearly hopes it isn’t there because of the chill in the air.

‘Hey’

‘Hey’

The brunette beside her is practically giddy and Killian has no doubt that she’s figured out who he is or already knew. She confirms it when she reaches over to hug him as if they are old friends. ‘Killian,’ she says pulling away. ‘It’s so nice to meet you. I’m Mary Margaret. Emma’s partner at the bakery. And Alex’s ‘Uncle David’ is my husband. He’s the sheriff over in Storybrooke. He’s around here somewhere, so you’ll probably meet him today too.’

‘A pleasure to meet you, Mary Margaret,’ he says smiling at the lady’s bubbly manner.

Emma laughs. ‘Take a breath, Mary Margaret.’

‘I’m sorry,’ her friend replies and then says something quietly to Emma as she squeezes her arm.

‘I’m going to find David, but it was so nice to meet you Killian.’

He nods at her as she disappears through the crowd. He turns his focus back to Alex who has stayed by his side. His eyes wide as he takes in the range of service vehicles before him.

‘Do you drive a car like these?’ Alex asks him.

‘Aye. Although mine is more like that one,’ he says pointing to one of the undercover vehicles behind the squad cars.

Alex’s mouth falls open. ‘Like an undercover cop?’

Killian shakes his head in surprise at his knowledge. ‘Yeah, I guess that’s me. I’m a detective.’

‘Congratulations.’

He looks up at Emma’s voice. He can’t quite read the expression on her face. There may be some pride there, but that’s likely hope on his behalf.

‘He badgers David all the time about his job, so he knows more than most five years olds about being a cop,’ she explains.

‘I’ll say,’ he laughs. And he’ll freely admit that he’s delighted that his son is so impressed with his job.

‘Can we look at the cars?’ Alex asks tugging on his sleeve.

Killian wants nothing more. ‘Aye, I’m actually due a break if that’s okay with your Mom?’

Emma shifts on her feet, but nods and he feels relief swell in his chest. ‘I just need to go and let my partner know and then I’m all yours.’

Emma’s eyes flash and maybe he said the wrong thing. He really doesn’t know how to do this. He aches to touch her, hold her. Feels like a part of him has wanted to do so for the last five years. When he returns a few moments later, he knows he’s blushing from the ribbing Eric has given him about the ‘hot blonde’. He’s pretty grateful Alex had been facing the other way because there’s no way you can’t know he’s his when you see them standing next to one another.

He weaves through the vehicles with them, patiently answering Alex’s questions about this, that and the other. Emma is quiet, but there’s a warmth to her smile and a quiet thank you in her eyes when she catches Killian’s gaze.

‘So where is your car?’ Alex asks looking round as if he will be able to find it.

‘The one I drive for work?’

His son nods vigorously causing his hat to slip down over his eyes and Killian laughs as he straightens it up.

‘Well it’s not out here, today. It’s round the back where we normally park it.’ He’d love to show Alex. Can clearly see it would make the boy’s day and he stands to try and ask Emma whether it’s okay without Alex noticing. He’s not entirely sure how he’ll manage this since it appears not much gets past his son. When he turns to face Emma, she nods without him having to ever utter the question.

It had been strange that they could read each other so well when they’d met years ago in the bar, but it seems _more_ now. More terrifying and more meaningful and just having them here is more something or _everything_.

Killian buzzes them through the next couple of gates, nods to the captain across the parking lot who raises his eyebrows at the sight of Alex, but doesn’t comment.

‘This is it,’ he says as he unlocks the car and helps Alex shimmy into the driver’s seat.

‘Woah!’

‘Yeah, it kind of is, isn’t it?’

‘Mom! This is so cool.’

‘Yeah, buddy. It is.’

Killian turns to find Emma pulling out her phone, so he closes the door on Alex and instructs him of the button to press to lower the window. He steps to the side as Emma quickly takes a couple of pictures. Alex has his little hands on the wheel in a tight grip, but his face is carefree and half way out the window in his excitement.

‘You should get in, Mom. This is better than Uncle David’s truck.’

Emma snickers at that and she swiftly climbs in the back. Killian gives them a minute, lost in his thoughts.

Emma lifts Alex into the back seat and he sits there happily chatting away to some pretend criminal he has in the back. He fastens the seatbelts across the invisible foes and waggles his finger in the most menacing way that he can.

Killian laughs as Emma climbs out and comes to stand beside him.

‘Thank you, for this,’ she breathes quietly.

‘Aye. It’s my pleasure.’

She just nods at him and he’s glad that she accepts his answer. He means it.

‘Uncle David?’ he asks.

‘Uncle David.’

‘Did you…’ he reaches to pull a hand through his hair. Doesn’t want to overstep or something because he knows there’s a chance that David is Alex’s uncle through marriage and he’s not sure how he’ll deal with that. ‘Did you find that you had a brother?’

She smiles slightly then. ‘No, not really at least, but sort of.’

‘Sort of?’

‘He’s kind of a self-nominated big brother. He was the first person we met when we came here three years ago. Made me and Alex stay with him and Mary Margaret that night as there was a storm coming in and then he, t _hey_ , kind of adopted us into the fold. We were supposed to be passing through and well,’ she shrugs as if to say, and here we are.

‘He sounds like a good guy, self-nominated or not.’ He’s glad they’ve had people in their corner as much as he wishes it had been him.

‘Yeah, well normally I would agree with you,’ she says as she draws a pattern with her boot across the floor.

‘Argh,’ he says because he thinks he gets it. ‘He didn’t take the news of my being here too well then?’

Her eyes are wide when they meet his and she looks unsure of what to say.

‘It’s alright, Swan. He has every right to doubt me. I wasn’t there for you.’ And he hates that that is the truth, but it is.

‘What? Killian, no. That’s not your fault at all. This is all wrong and messed up, but I don’t blame you.’

‘You don’t?’

She shakes her head and he feels a weight lift in his chest. ‘You don’t quite know what that means to me, Swan.’

She reaches out to squeeze his arm before quickly moving her hand away.

‘Would it help if I talk to him?’

‘You’d do that?’ she says quietly, and he wants to pull her close to his chest and not let go but he can’t. He can’t because their son is three feet away and there’s five and a bit years between them and he bitterly wishes that there wasn’t. 

‘Aye, of course. If he’s important to you both, then I’d like to meet him at some point and I guess I can see where he’s coming from.’

‘Good, because I can’t,’ she mutters angrily, and he senses she’s cross because her judgement is being questioned.

‘You are more than capable of taking care of you and Alex, Swan. It’s not that. It’s because you’re family to him and he wants you happy.’

She tilts her head to the side and lets his words slip over her. When she meets his eye once more, he feels as if he’s passed some sort of test.

‘I guess. I just was hoping he would have trusted me on this one.’

For a moment, he feels like he may have actually lost his stomach in the way that it seems to swoop with her words. She’s angry because she’s in his corner. His. She’s cross about the judgement being made about him and he’s not sure he deserves such faith having left her alone all this time, but he’ll work his damnedest to deserve it now.

Alex’s voice cuts the conversation short and he’s vaguely grateful. Convinced he would have said too much.

‘Where do you sit, Killian?’

‘Well I don’t sit in the back,’ he laughs. ‘That’s where the bad guys go.’

Emma laughs beside him.

‘I drive.’

‘You do?’

‘Aye, lad.’

Emma opens to door to let Alex scramble out as Killian locks up.

‘Thanks, Killian,’ Alex grins and he’s bizarrely proud of Emma and of his son that she didn’t have to prompt him to do so.

‘You’re welcome. You’ve made my day. Did you enjoy it?’

And he knows he will never forget his son’s reply for the rest of his days or the proud look on his face when he does so.

 ‘Aye’

His jaw drops as Alex’s imitation of him. Emma just laughs.

\--------

They’re at David and Mary Margaret’s for dinner. Emma and Alex having come home with Mary Margaret after the services fair. Alex is busy drawing on a cardboard box Mary Margaret has saved for him and Emma smiles when she realises that he is trying to turn it into a black car resembling Killian’s.

The rest of the fair had been lovely. They’d both enjoyed watching the fireman’s demonstration of how to use the extinguishers, but it was his adventure to see Killian’s car that he had talked about the whole way home. Mary Margaret looked fit to burst into tears or song or something as she listened to Alex chatter, but Emma was pleasantly surprised that her friend didn’t comment further.

The sound of a car pulling onto the drive signals David’s return, and Emma squirms in her seat. She knows they need to talk but talking about feelings and emotions and the important stuff is hardly her forte.

‘Oh, stop,’ Mary Margaret chides. ‘You look like a naughty teenager awaiting a stern talking to from Dad.’

‘He’s the one in the wrong!’

‘And now you sound like a teenager too.’

She huffs. Mainly because she can’t disagree with her.

‘Just talk to him. Tell him he’s wrong if he is, but maybe try and see that he’s coming from a good place. He always will be when it comes to you.’

‘Why are you always right?’

‘Comes with the job,’ Mary Margaret grins moving to welcome David as he comes through the door into the kitchen. ‘Hello, you.’

Emma watches her friend rise on her tip-toes to kiss her husband hello. She taps him on the chest and instructs him not to let her sauce boil over as she disappears into the lounge to see Alex.

David rounds the island where Emma is perched and dutifully goes to check on the sauce.

‘How did today go?’

‘I’m sorry if I upset you.’

‘That doesn’t really answer my question.’

He laughs lightly. ‘True, but I thought I might get some brownie points for cutting to the chase.’

‘You do,’ she sighs.

‘I don’t want to be at odds with you over this, Emma. I really was just trying to look after you both and to make sure you’re okay. That he will be okay for the two of you. Alex’s Dad, I mean.’

Emma almost laughs at the expression on his face. He really is one of the most earnest people on this planet and she appreciates that he’s always upfront with her.

‘I don’t want us to be not us either and I let it get to me more than I should have done. I know that you care.’

‘I do. I really do, about both of you.’

He turns back to check on the sauce again and adds some more seasoning that she’s fairly sure isn’t Mary Margaret approved.

‘Mary Margaret seems to think he cares about the both of you too.’

‘You didn’t have to turn your back to me to say that.’

‘Didn’t I?’ he asks as he turns away from the oven to face her. Flips the tea towel over his shoulder like he’s some sort of pro-chef.

Not quite knowing what else to say just yet, she shakes her head. David hums in acknowledgment and smiles at her recognising the fact that she isn’t freaking out about the fact that Killian may care.

‘She really got that from the forty-two seconds she has actually spent in Killian’s presence?’

‘And then some.’

Emma snorts. David sniggers. And just like that, any tension fades away.

‘What else did she get then?’

David surveys her with his careful gaze before deciding that she actually does want to know. She’s curious.

‘Well, she may have forgot to breathe a little when she told me just how much they look alike.’

‘Yeah, they really do.’

‘And then there was obviously the caring part,’ David pauses. Leans forward over the island towards Emma. ‘She said he lit up when he saw you both and that he looked at you.’

‘He does have functioning eyes,’ she jokes. She jokes because she knows that look exactly. He looks at her like he sees her. Really sees her. It scared her six years ago and it scares her now. Not enough to run. Against all the odds, there’s something about Killian which has always pulled her in rather than pushed her away.

‘He’s a cop now then?’ David asks grabbing himself a beer from the fridge.

‘Detective,’ she nods. ‘I think that’s what he was doing in Providence too. He had to travel this week to give evidence in one of his old cases.’

David nods his approval. ‘Alex likes him?’

‘A ridiculous amount.’

‘That’s good.’

It’s more than good. She’d stopped hoping this may happen since she got in the car and started driving three years ago and wound up her.  Stopped hoping that he would be in Alex’s life. And now it seems too good to be true. He’s twenty minutes away and completely enamoured by Alex already.

‘He offered to come and meet you earlier.’

‘He did?’ David nods to himself and Emma wonders if he has a pro/con Killian Jones list in his head.

‘He was much more understanding of you being you than I was.’

David sips his drink, smiling. ‘Me being me.’

‘Yeah, you know. All big brotherly and grumpily protective.’

‘Grumpily protective?’

‘Seemed a good fit.’

At that moment, Alex and Mary Margaret walk in. Well, one of them walks and the other slides along the wooden floor until they hit David’s legs. ‘Look what I made!’

He holds his box-turned-car up for David’s inspection. ‘This is fantastic! Look at these wheels.’

Emma reaches over to squeeze Mary Margaret’s hand seeing the evidence of her help in Alex’s finished product.

‘I tried to do it like Killian’s car,’ Alex explains to David. ‘He’s a detective.’

The look of wonder on Alex’s face stops her in her tracks. He’s clearly thinks that David will be as impressed by this information as he is.

‘Wow, bud. That is pretty cool,’ David says as he reaches to lift Alex up to perch on the counter beside him.

‘Do you do police stuff with him?’

‘Not yet,’ David grins and Emma nearly chokes on her drink because, of course, David is going to find the opportunity to work with him somehow.

Mary Margaret swats David with the tea towel he had over his shoulder. ‘Go and set the table and stop giving Emma a panic attack.’

Once they leave for the dining room, Mary Margaret turns to face Emma. ‘He put extra chilli in my sauce, didn’t he?’

Emma tries and fails to hide her smile behind the rim of her glass.

Her friend tuts and shakes her head. ‘Well, I bet he failed to pass on the part where I told him that Killian is very handsome.’

Emma throws her head back and laughs.

\--------

 ‘Why didn’t you take a picture yourself?’

Killian looks over from where he’s drying the dishes to see the pout on Elsa’s face.

‘You look like Olivia when you pull that face.’

‘Is it working?’

‘Well I still don’t have a photo to show you, so I don’t think the face works.’

He wishes he had one and not just to show Elsa. For him. Alex and Emma are on his mind constantly since he found out. He has so many questions, but he doesn’t want to push. He feels like he’s been given this incredible gift and he’s scared to break it.

‘I’m sorry, Killian. I don’t mean to push. I’m just happy for you and you keep saying how much he looks like you and I just want to see my nephew.’

‘I know, lass. Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t mind having a picture myself.’

‘But you don’t want to ask for too much.’

‘Aye.’

‘Killian, he’s your boy. At some point, you need to ask. You have that right,’ Elsa says kindly.

He drags a hand through his hair. ‘I just keep thinking that this should feel harder or stranger than it is but when I’m with them it feels right. I know that probably sounds crazy, but I don’t want to tip the scales. I know it might change when we tell him but for now, it’s good.’

He couldn’t sleep last night because he was worrying about what might happen if and when they tell Alex. What if he doesn’t want him as his Dad? What if he’s angry that he wasn’t there?

At some point, Elsa has moved to his side. She wraps her arms around his torso and tucks herself into his side. ‘Your boy will love you.’

He relaxes into her hug. Somewhere along the way, they became a unit. He, Elsa and Olivia and it’s not the way it should have been. Not for Liam and not for Killian, but it’s worked and he’s incredibly grateful to the woman by his side who has become his family and a dear friend. One who sometimes knows him a little too well.

‘Olivia will lose her mind over this, you know.’

He chuckles. She’s not wrong. ‘Aye. The neighbourhood had better round up their earplugs.’

He walks back to his apartment, having deliberately bought one a couple of streets away from Elsa’s house. For a brief time in Providence, when Olivia was very young, they’d shared but he needed his space and Elsa agreed. He hadn’t gone far. Three floors up in fact, but it was enough to keep his sanity and for Elsa to keep hers.

As he hangs up his coat and moves to turn on ESPN, his phone lights up. It’s a message from Emma and he can’t deny how pleased that makes him. They’ve only really communicated about meeting on Monday before, but he can see the start of the message before he thumbs his phone open and this is a text between friends, between parents, not just to organise a date. Meeting. He means meeting. Not a date.

_Thank you again for today. Alex has made a cardboard cop car since we got back._

**Oh yeah?**

**And I meant it earlier. Best part of my day.**

_Yeah, I think it was his too._

He kind of hopes it was a good part of her day too, but he can’t find it in himself to ask.

**Glad to hear that. Did you get home alright then?**

_Just now. We went to Mary Margaret and David’s for dinner._

He smiles at that. Glad his boy has a family to call upon. People who love him. He wonders whether Emma talked to David but doesn’t have to wonder long.

_David and I sorted things out._

**Good. That’s good, Swan.**

_I think he may try to work with you at some point so be warned._

**I can handle it, Swan.**

_Does detective trump sheriff? Is that how it works in the hierarchy?_

**No comment.**

_David wouldn’t be nearly so diplomatic._

**Maybe. But he doesn’t have people to impress.**

_You don’t need to impress anyone, Killian._

**I want to though. I want to Alex to be proud of me.**

He itches to type, and you. He hopes he can make Emma proud. He wants to tell her how amazed he is by the way in which she has raised their son. How she’s made a life and a home for them.

It’s a few minutes before he gets a reply, but he reads the same text over and over before he goes to sleep that night.

_He is already. He will be. We are._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay with this one. It is, however, over 6,000 words so I hope that makes it for it. Thanks for your kudos and comments.

_Then_

‘Get off me!’ she squeals as he tries to chase her with his lips. She’s tangled up with him in the sheets. She’d stayed this time. Stayed without him having to ask or say anything. ‘I have morning breath!’

He laughs lightly, not caring a jot about morning breath or anything else. He has a feeling he will always want her kisses. Two nights of her and he feels ruined for another.

She thwacks him around the head with a pillow. ‘Let me go steal some of your toothpaste and then I’ll get us some food.’

‘Work up an appetite?’ he teases.

‘Maybe I just can’t face you on an empty stomach.’

‘You say the prettiest things.’

She flicks him off as he she stalks into the bathroom.

‘I can go grab us some food,’ he calls out pulling on his jeans from the night before.

He voice is muffled by toothpaste, but her response is clearly a no. He stills, t-shirt half on. He decides he can at least make coffee and stalks into the kitchen.

It’s a few minutes before she appears. Her clothes from the night before are rumpled and yet she still steals his breath.

‘I figure I can grab a change of clothes when I go grab breakfast,’ she says not quite meeting his eye.

‘Sure,’ he nods sensing something is amiss.

She’s sliding the arms into her jacket when she asks him if he has any preferences.

‘Oh, no. Whatever you fancy, lass. Although, actually, on second thoughts, not doughnuts. That’s a step too far for an English gentleman like myself.’

She snorts. ‘You keep telling yourself that.’

‘See,’ he grins from above his coffee mug, ‘I told you, you say the prettiest things.’

She pauses, looks down to where his free hand moves restlessly at his side. He halts the agitated movement of thumb against forefinger, but she’s seen it anyway.

A fleeting smile crosses her face before she mumbles a quick, ‘Back soon’ on the way out the door and he hopes to hell that it’s true. Surely her going home to change means he has a chance of spending the day with her.

He doesn’t care doing what. Just knows with a growing certainty that being with her feels alarmingly right.

When he finally hears the knock on the apartment door he breaths a sigh of relief.

Her hair is pulled back into a loose, messy braid and she has changed into a different pair of jeans. Some sort of red top is visible beneath her jacket.

She grins at him. A faint blush spreading over her cheeks. ‘I brought food,’ she says holding the paper bag up in her hands.

He steps back and welcomes her inside. ‘You didn’t need to bring coffee. Pot’s still full.’

‘It’s hot cocoa for me.’

‘Hot cocoa?’

She hums in delight as she takes a sip. ‘With cinnamon.’

Hot cocoa and cinnamon. He tries to store that away.

‘With or without cream?

‘With,’ she says. Seemingly affronted that he asked such a ridiculous question. ‘Why all the questions, detective?’

He takes a bite of one of the croissants. ‘Just storing it away.’

\--------

_Now_

He’s early. It shouldn’t surprise her, given his military background and she doubts he reached the rank of detective by being tardy. At a distance, his stance leaning against the side of his car looks casual – one leg crossed over another – but as she nears she sees the way he rubs his finger against the pad of his thumb repeatedly. It’s another thing that’s not changed. He’s still the same person he was.

She finds some comfort that he’s nervous too. It’s Killian and she knows him and trusts him and yet, she’s terrified.

‘Hey,’ he smiles as she spots her and stands to greet her. For a moment, she thinks he may hug her, but he pulls a hand through his hair instead.

‘Hey.’

‘I got us drinks,’ he says and turns to retrieve them from the roof of the car.

She takes the one he holds towards her and cradles its warmth between her hands before taking a sip.

He remembered.

‘You got me hot chocolate with cinnamon?’

His smile is boyish and endearing and makes her feel things she probably shouldn’t. ‘Aye, I know it’s been a while, but you used to love the stuff.’

‘I still do. It’s great.’ It’s more than that. It’s another reason to trust her gut when it comes to him.

They make small talk as they begin to walk. He asks about her morning at the bakery and she finds herself telling him about Jefferson’s outburst about the incompetence of the local fisherman. She then, of course, has to explain how their establishment works. His praise is genuine, and he says he’d love to come sometime.

‘Alex would like that,’ she says. She would too, if she’s honest.

‘Yeah?’

She nods taking a seat on one of the benches overlooking the lake.

‘Would it be alright with you too?’ he asks.

He always asks. He’s letting her lead in this and she’s so unbelievably grateful.

‘Of course. I’d like it too.’

He grins and sits next to her. ‘Good.’

‘Yeah.’

‘His favourite at the bakery are the chocolate and oatmeal cookies,’ she offers.

Killian smiles. ‘What about you? Still bear claws?’

She lets out a breath. How can he remember something so small like it is so important?

‘Creature of habit or something,’ she mutters.

‘Or something.’ He sips from his drink and the words are out of her mouth before she can stop them. ‘Americano with a splash of cream?’

The answering smile on his face makes her glad she said it. ‘Creature of habit or something.’

They sit taking in the view in contented silence for a beat before he speaks again. ‘So I think Locksley may have guessed about my connection with Alex.’

‘Locksley? Is that the guy who you were manning the vehicle section with?’

‘Oh, no that’s my partner. Eric. Robin – that’s Locksley – saw us when I showed you guys the car.’

She does remember him calling out a greeting across the parking lot to another officer.

‘As in Robin Locksley from the Mills-Locksley wedding?’

‘Aye,’ he says puzzled.

She laughs. ‘I’ll tell you another time. The new Mrs Locksley nearly gave Mary Margaret a heart attack at the bakery is all.’

‘Yeah, I can see that happening.’

‘Anyway, sorry. Carry on. You said Robin asked?’

‘He just came out and said he didn’t realise I had a kid. He has a lad who’s a little younger than Alex is and…’ he shrugs, tailing off.

Straight to the point then. ‘What did you say?’

He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. ‘I was saved by the radio. We got a call out.’

She reaches over to squeeze his hand to reassure him. Hates to see the slightly defeated look on his face at the thought of having to deny his son. She doesn’t want that. The defeated look or the denial. ‘You could have told him.’

‘I could?’

‘Yeah. He’s your son. I’m not asking you to hide it and I doubt this Locksley is going to bump into Alex and tell him before we do.’

It works. Her terrible attempt at humour pulls a smile from Killian and she already knew really, if she was honest with herself, but she knows now without doubt that he wants this. Wants in. Wants to be Alex’s Dad and be a part of their lives.

(She wants it too.)

‘Thank you, love. You don’t know what that means,’ he says, voice thick with emotion.

‘It means something to me too, that you want to do this.’ Her words are spoken to the floor, suddenly feeling vulnerable.

‘I do. I want to be his Dad. I want it more than anything. I’ll go at whatever pace you want, Swan. Whatever is right for Alex and you,’ he says earnestly. His own hand turning over to squeeze her own and the sight of it brings tears to her eyes.

‘God, I’m sorry,’ she says swiping at her face with her free hand. ‘I didn’t mean to cry on you in your lunch hour. ‘I’m fairly certain you deal with enough crazy people at work.’

‘I do, but you’re not one of them,’ he reassures her.

‘Alex may disagree with you when he leaves his Lego on the floor.’ Her voice sounds a little steadier as she speaks this time. Killian shakes his head soaking up any information he can get abut Alex.

‘You’ve raised a brilliant boy, Emma. I can’t thank you enough.’

God, and now they’re both close to tears and Emma isn’t one for tears. Yet alone, tears in a public place in front of the man she… well, she’s not entirely sure to how to finish that thought.

‘He’s happy and healthy and loved and you’ve done it all,’ Killian says and there’s something akin to wonder in his voice. ‘I’m so grateful, love’

There’s no point trying to hold back the tears now. She’s going to have to stop by her place on the way back to work, because she’s fairly certain her face won’t be fit to greet customers.

‘He’s always reminded me of you,’ she says quietly. ‘I know that’s weird considering it was only four days, but he would do things sometimes and I would see you.’

‘I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, Emma. I wish,’ Killian’s voice breaks and Emma’s heart aches for him and for her and what they’ve missed. ‘I wish I had been. I wish I could have been there to support you. More than anything.’

She sobs. She can’t dress it up or disguise it as anything else and then Killian’s arms are round her, and he scoots closer to her on the bench, so she’s pulled close against his chest. She buries her head there and wraps her arms around his waist, anchoring herself to him and the comfort she finds there.

She can feel his heart beating beneath his jacket and however many other layers he has on beneath them. Lets herself find comfort in him. His chin rests on top of her head and his arms tighten a little around her.

‘It’s not your fault,’ she mumbles into his chest. ‘Please don’t think that.’

He sighs and she pulls away when she thinks he doesn’t believe her. ‘No, Killian,’ she says meeting his gaze. ‘I mean it. Don’t blame yourself. Yes, I wanted you there. I wanted you to be a part of it, but the reason you weren’t isn’t because you did anything wrong.’

Killian shakes his head and she’s about to tell him again how far from blaming him she is when he cuts her off.

‘No, Swan. It’s not that I don’t believe you. You just amaze me.’

Oh.

She wasn’t expecting that.

‘Why?’ she finds herself asking. Since coming to Storybrooke, she’s had to get used to compliments and positivity and having people in her corner, but no one has ever told her that they amaze her.

‘I don’t know if you’re ready to hear all the reasons yet, Swan. I might scare you off.’ He waggles his eyebrows at her and for a moment she is transported back to a bar six years ago when he flirted his way into a conversation with her.

She knows she’s blushing. Can feel the way her cheeks redden under his gaze and it’s only now that she realises how close they are. Their faces are inches apart and every other part of them is touching and she feels the parallel needs to move away and to stay right where she is.

‘For now, I’ll go with the fact that you’ve shown me more heart than I deserve, and you’ve raised our son beautifully.’

‘These compliments could go to a girls’ head,’ she jokes. Jokes because she absolutely cannot deal with the fact that he is entirely sincere.

‘I’ll tell him at the weekend.’

‘What?’ he asks but she knows that he knows what she means. He’s just surprised.

‘Alex. I’ll tell him. I just don’t want to do it during the school week.’

‘No, of course. I get that. Wow.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Do you want me there?’ She knows he would be there in a heartbeat, but this is something she needs to do alone.

‘I think I should tell him by myself at first,’ she says gently but Killian nods as if he thought this would be the case.

‘I’m terrified,’ he admits.

‘Me too.’

She knows she’s made the wrong choice of words when Killian’s face falls.

‘Whoa, no. Not about how he’ll react. Just at how much this will change things.’

‘I don’t want to overstep, Emma or move too fast. I’ll follow your lead.’

He will. He wants so dearly to know his son that she knows he’d do anything she asked. She’s not asking for much though. Just that he loves their boy and is constant.

‘I appreciate that.’ She stands, untangling herself from him and checking the time on her phone. ‘We should head back, I guess.’

Killian stands and deposits their empty cups in the trash can. ‘Can I ask what you told him?’

‘You mean when I tell him about you?’

He shakes his head. ‘I meant before. About his dad?’

She falls into step beside him. ‘He used to ask when he first started going to Nursery and he would see the other dads.’ It’s impossible not to notice Killian running his hand through his hair again. ‘I told him that his Daddy was a good guy who loved him, but he had to go away before he could meet him.’

She finds herself face first in Killian Jones’ chest for the second time that day. He pulls her to him in an instant and she can feel the relief radiating off him in waves. ‘You’re amazing. Thank you.’

‘It was the truth, or I hoped it was at least.’

‘It is.’

Against all odds. Emma doesn’t doubt him.

\--------

She’d planned on telling him on Saturday. She’d rehearsed what she was to say over and over again in the mirror until her own voice sounded strange in her ears and a frown line appeared between her brows.

She’d planned on telling him on Saturday, but then the words had tumbled from her mouth on Friday evening before she could stop herself.

She and Alex are having their usual Friday night picnic dinner with the latest superhero film on. She wipes Alex’s hand for him on his napkin when they’ve both finished their meals.

‘Come on then, kid. Hit me with your Sweet and Sour.’

She’d like to claim the little tradition for her own, but the truth is she’d overheard a family doing it in a restaurant a couple of years ago and since then she and Alex have adopted it as their own. It’s part of their Friday night ritual, sharing a Sweet and a Sour from their week.

She watches as Alex tips his head to the side, hand stroking his chin. Posturing being deep in thought. Eyes tilted up to the sky. He looks hilarious and adorable.

‘Where did you learn to do that?’ she laughs.

‘We posed for think bubbles at school.’

‘Well, you nailed it, kid.’

‘Please don’t tell me you’re having to think that hard over your Sweet though.’

He scrambles over to her lap, excited. ‘Oh, no I have that. My Sweet was doing the cars with Killian. He’s so cool. I told Miss Haney that he’s a detective. She said he must be really clever to do it.’

Emma’s chest constricts. She takes in the pure joy on her boy’s face. Killian is his Sweet. Twenty minutes with him has been the highlight of his week. She vaguely hears Alex announcing that he’s decided on his Sour -  a girls in his class’ hamster has died – but there’s a rushing in her ears and she needs to tell him now. How can she not?

Alex places his little hand either side of her face, smiling. ‘What are yours Mommy?’

She swallows. It suddenly feels hot in their loft apartment. Alex just waits. She looks at her beautiful boy. Reaches out to touch his slightly pointy ears. They’re Killian’s too. He’s Killian’s. Alex deserves to know that.

She releases a breath. ‘Can I talk to you about something, kiddo?’

Alex nods.

‘Would you like to spend more time with Killian?’

Alex nods.

‘He would too.’

‘With both of us?’

His question throws her, but she knows the answer. ‘Yeah, with both of us.’

‘Cool. I like him.’ Alex chats wrapping his hands around her neck and leaning in to her.

She places a hand over the back of his head. Breathes him in for a second.

Here goes.

‘He likes you too. Very much. Alex, you know I told you your Daddy had to go away before you were born?’

Alex hums into her shoulder. Feels his head move up and down as he nods.

‘Well, kiddo, your Daddy…’ she chokes back the tears in her throat. ‘Your Daddy is Killian.’

She feels Alex wriggle against her, but he doesn’t say anything. She can feel the blood rush to her head. Her chatty boy is silent.

Shit.

Alex suddenly giggles against her neck. Shit. She must have said that out loud.

‘Sorry, Alex,’ she whispers pressing a kiss to his head.

He wriggles again in her arms. This time manoeuvring himself to shift back in her lap, so he can see her.

‘You swore,’ he smiles.

‘I know. I just felt sad that I had upset you.’ She feels like she should tell him it’s not something to smile about, but he’s been around Ruby long enough to know when to cover his ears.

‘I’m not sad.’

Her lips part. She feels every nerve ending prickle. ‘You’re not?’

Watches in awe as a slow smile spreads across Alex’s face lighting up every part of him. ‘Nuh-huh,’ he grins shaking his head.

‘I love you,’ she says pressing kiss after kiss to his face until he’s a giggling mess.

‘Mommy! Mommy! It tickles.’

Eventually, she relents. She feels lighter, brighter. ‘You’re okay then, with Killian being your Dad?’ She means to carry on to tell him that nothing will change, but the lie dies on her tongue. Things are going to change, of course they are. (She’s quietly convinced for the better.)

‘Can I see him?’ Alex asks and Emma feels it wash over her. The knowledge that it will be okay.

\--------

He’s exhausted and aching. His chest and neck bloody hurt. There’d been a fire at a warehouse on the outskirts of Misthaven. Arson. They’d followed up a lead from another business owner at the industrial site and got their guys.

They were kids really. Barely out of high school but there were more of them than they’d anticipated. Seven, in fact, and while he’d cuffed one another appeared out of nowhere and blindsided him. Held him down with a pole to this throat while he kneeled on his chest.

Robin and Phillip’s car pulled up behind theirs and he felt the weight lifted from his chest just as the blackness began to creep in.

He’d grumbled the whole way to the hospital. Would have much rather have gone to the station to give the little shit a piece of his mind but Robin had insisted. Threatened to call Elsa and get her to take him herself so of course he went of his own free will.

He glances at the damage in the mirror in the hallway. His eyes are bloodshot, his neck a shade of purple that turns his stomach.

He swallows down the painkillers given to him by the hospital and fishes his phone out from his pocket to let Elsa know that he’s okay if she hears anything on the local news.

There’s a missed call from Emma. A FaceTime call. He frowns. It seems out of character for their relationship as it stands.

There’s an answerphone message too. He hastily listens to it and him leaning on the kitchen counter for support has nothing to do with the pain he is in and everything to do with the words she says.

When the message ends, he fumbles to replay it.

_Hey, Killian. It’s me. Emma. Please don’t worry about the missed call. Well, it was Alex. I told him. God, I told him Killian._

He hears her release a little watery laugh. Hears the emotion in her voice.

_He’s happy, Kilian. He’s happy and smiling and god, he’s just amazing. I know I said I’d tell him tomorrow, but the words just came out and he wanted to see you. I told him you might be at work but that he could try and FaceTime you. He’s asleep now. Finally._

Killian glances at the clock on the oven. The green lights showing 23.16.

_But, yeah, anyhow. This is good. He’s good._

Emma’s quiet for a moment and he just listens to the sound of her breathing.

_Maybe we could organise something for the weekend? I think he’d like that._

She pauses again.

_I just wanted to let you know._

He somehow manages to find his way to the couch. Holds his head in his hands. He’s a Dad. It’s real now. He and Emma have a son. A son who is happy that he’s his Dad.

He wishes Liam were here. Wishes he had been here for so much of the last six years.

It’s selfish, but he also wishes he were there with Emma and Alex. Wishes he were there to hug Emma. Wishes he were there to just watch his boy as he sleeps.

His hands are shaking slightly as he picks up his phone again.

**I know you might be asleep, love. I just wanted to say thank you for your message.**

He hits send then quickly adds another message. Another thank you.

His phone lights up instantly.

_I can’t sleep yet. It’s okay. I’m sorry I didn’t keep to the plan._

**Don’t be. I’m not.**

**I’m a Dad**.

_Yeah. You are._

**I only just saw your message. I would have called straight back if I’d seen.**

_I know_

He smiles. He loves how she trusts him. Even after it all.

_Are you okay? You’re back late._

And that takes him a little by surprise but maybe she’s used to this with David and maybe she’s read between the lines too many times before.

**Aye. I’m okay. We got them. Just was more complicated than I would have liked.**

He moves toward his bedroom, deciding to take a shower before turning in for the night. Despite the high he feels from the news about Alex, he’s fit for nothing.

He showers carefully. Hissing when the warm water hits his chest and neck. Knows he’s going to be stiff tomorrow.

His phone is lit up on his bedside table. There’s another missed call from Emma.

He immediately panics and hits redial. What if it’s Alex?

‘Swan, is Alex okay?’ he asks as soon as she picks up.

‘Killian, relax,’ she soothes. ‘Alex is sound asleep. I called because I saw the local news.’

‘Oh,’ he sighs.

‘Yeah. Oh.’

‘They said an officer was hurt.’

‘Aye.’

She pauses. ‘It was you.’

There’s no sense lying to her. ‘Yeah, it was. I’m home though, love,’ he rushes to add. ‘Checked out and released and I’ll be fine in a couple of days.’

He wants to promise her but that feels like too much.

‘What happened?’ she asks quietly. ‘Or can you not say?’

‘Swan,’ he sighs. His hands are tied.

‘Okay,’ she says. ‘If you can’t tell me, can I see for myself?’

‘Come again?’

‘Will you answer if I FaceTime you?’

She has him there. He won’t deny a call from her.

‘Yeah, love. I will. Just give me a minute and I’ll call you, aye?’

He hangs up and pulls a t-shirt over his head. It’ll cover the worst of his chest and he doesn’t want to send the message that he’s FaceTiming her without a shirt on. (Not that he’d be entirely averse to it.)

When her face swims into view, he can’t help but smile. Her hair is tied up in a messy knot on top of her head and her face is free of makeup. She captivates him and for a second he forgets about the burning pain around his neck.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey,’ she whispers leaning closer to the screen. Her face crinkles. ‘You’re hurt.’

He nods.

‘Are you okay?’

He wants to tell her that seeing her makes him feel better. That is works far better than the pain killers they’ve prescribed him.

He doesn’t. (Not yet.)

‘I’ve been better physically, love. I’m good though. I’m happy.’

‘Me too,’ she smiles softly. ‘Not at you being hurt though.’

He laughs at her response. Winces slightly when his ribs move.

‘Sorry.’

‘No,’ he waves her away. ‘My doing.’

‘Pretty sure you didn’t do it to yourself,’ she quips. ‘Is there anything I can do?

‘You’re doing it.’

And he’s said it before he’s even really realised. He runs a hand through his hair. ‘Sorry. I didn’t…that just came out.’ He’s an idiot. ‘Is that okay, Swan?’

He sees her shift in and out of focus but when the image comes back clearly into view, her eyes are smiling. ‘Yeah, it’s okay.’

‘Could you tell me about what he said?’

Her smile makes his insides clench. He listens as she details how their son completely amazes him once again. He’s excited that it’s him and that’s everything. It’s more than everything and someone needs to come up with a word to describe how he feels in this moment because none he can surely think of do it justice.

‘He’s my Sweet,’ he says when she finishes. (They both are.)

\--------

He hates that he can’t really see Alex in the state that he’s in. He’s now sporting two black eyes to match his other brusing after they’d come up during the night. Hates it.

‘I could try concealer,’ Elsa suggests. She’d arrived not longer after eight am this morning. A neighbour dropping Olivia off at her gymnastic class. Groceries and a first aid kit under her arm as if her skills as a paralegal could somehow supersede that of the ER doctors.

He lets out a laugh as he stirs the remains of his breakfast around his plate. He’s not hungry. Just frustrated.

‘I just don’t want him to feel that I don’t want to see him. He’s five years old. How will he possibly grasp that I’m not there? That I just found out about him and now I can’t be bothered to drive twenty minutes to see him?’

‘Killian,’ she says, and her voice leaves no room for doubt. He knows he has to meet her eyes and listen to her. ‘You would drive twenty hours to see your family and you and I know it.’

He’s about to say that’s not the point. Elsa knows it. Olivia knows it. Alex doesn’t.

Elsa raises a hand to halt him in his tracks. ‘Emma knows it, Killian.’

‘You don’t even know her,’ he mumbles. It’s petulant. He knows that.

‘No, but I know you and I know you would never have this much faith in someone who doesn’t see you for you are. I know the Emma you’ve told me about. The one who you described as ‘amazing’ six years ago, the woman you said brought a smile back to your face. The woman who has raised your boy to be as brilliant as you say he is, the one who told Alex that you loved him when she could have claimed otherwise, the one who makes you smile every damn time you get a text message from her.’

Elsa pauses for a breath.

‘You done yet?’ he asks fighting back a smile.

She shakes her head at him trying in vain to stop herself from smiling. ‘I could go on.’

He knows she could. Knows she would.

‘Come here,’ he stands and pulls her too him. ‘Thank you.’ Elsa gently wraps her arms around him so as not to disturb his bruising.

‘You should call her and ask her if you could talk to Alex at least. You said he knows a lot about your job, so I bet he’ll happily accept that you can’t see him because of work.’

His phone vibrates from where it’s sat on the kitchen counter and Elsa smiles at him smugly.

It’s not Emma though. It’s Robin and twenty minutes later he finds himself walking into their offices at work. Elsa dropped him off as his car was still here from last night.

‘You look like crap. Coffee?’ Eric says by way of greeting.

‘Good morning to you too.’

Just then Robin appears from one of he cells at the back. ‘Christ, mate. You look worse than I thought.’

Eric sniggers into his cup as he taps away on the computer. Killian swiftly cuffs him round the neck and then regrets it as pain shoots through his side.

Robin had filled him in over the phone. The lad who he’d been detaining before he was set upon had seemed young. Too young. Killian had told Robin he’d seemed scared. Something about the look in the boy’s eyes suggested he didn’t really want to be there. In over his head or something.

And now he was willing to talk. He’d apparently walked himself into his local police station this morning after having been released into the care of his guardian last night. Someone from the group home down on the corner of Fifth and Sycamore.

Willing to talk, but only to Killian.

He needs to settle himself before he goes in there. Scans the folder Robin slides into his hand. He’s fourteen. Christ. Far too young to be caught up in this.

He’s distracted. Mind on Alex and Emma and the god damn pain in his chest. ‘Can you give me five?’ he asks Robin. ‘I need to make a call.’

Robin seems to sense something is amiss but nods his assent.

Killian shuts himself in the kitchen and calls Emma. She answers on the third ring. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey, how are you?’

‘I’m good.’ He’s not. Not really.

‘Lie.’

‘Aye,’ he chuckles. How does he say this? How does he ask that he’s worried about what she’s told Alex without sounding like an asshole?

‘We’re at the park.’ She says to break the silence.

‘I’m at work.’

‘Work?’ Her voice rising in volume significantly. ‘Why on earth are you at work? You’re in pain!’

‘There’s a boy who was involved who’ll only talk to me apparently and so here I am.’

‘Oh.’ He listens to her breathe down the phone. Calls out to Alex to not go too high. He smiles at that. ‘You said boy.’ Her voice is sad, small.

‘Shit.’ He pulls a hand through his hair. He shouldn’t have said that. He loses his head around her.

‘Killian, it’s fine,’ she says soothingly. ‘Just sad’

He can’t disagree with that. ‘I’m sorry I can’t see Alex today.’

‘He gets it.’

And he feels himself succumb a little more to the magnetic pull of Emma Swan. Elsa’s right, it should never have been in doubt.

‘Thank you,’ he breathes. ‘God, that’s all I feel like I ever say to you.’

‘Well it’s not necessary. I told him that there would some bad guys who you caught but you needed to make sure everyone was safe. You’re very ‘cool’ in his eyes.’ He hears the smile in her voice with her final words. They chase away the fears in his mind.

‘Do you think I could ring him later maybe? If it’s not too late?’

‘He’d love that.’

He nods then realises she can’t see him. ‘Good, that’s good.’

A sharp rap sounds on the door before Robin enters. He signals with a jerk of his head that Killian is needed. There’s a tall, blonde man behind him with an appraising gaze whose eyes take in Killian’s evident injuries.

Killian angles his back slightly away from them for some semblance of privacy. ‘I have to go.’

‘Yeah, I heard. Take care.’

‘You too, Swan. Tell Alex I’ll call later.’

Robin clears his throat as he hangs up. ‘Detective Jones, this is David Nolan. Storybrooke sheriff.’

_Shit._

This really isn’t how he intended to make a good first impression on Emma’s self-elected brother. Killian reaches his hand out to shake his. The sheriff’s shake is firm, brisk.

‘Pleasure to meet you,’ Killian hears himself say.

‘You’re right,’ David says cocking his head towards Robin. ‘The state of him will probably get the lad to open up.’

‘Excellent,’ Killian says through gritted teeth. ‘Shall we get on with using by battered face as a bartering tool for a fourteen-year-old then?’

They make their way down the corridor towards the room where they’ve got the lad. Not in an interrogation room, but in one of the offices. ‘Guardian?’ he asks Robin.

‘Eric has gone down to the home. Kid gave a name of one who he says is better than the others. The woman who came for him last night was heinous.’

‘And he’ll talk without one there?’

It’s David who answers. ‘To you, he says he will.’

‘Why’d he come to you?’ he asks. Figures the lad would have had to have taken to bus over to Storybrooke when the local station is a ten-minute walk away.

David nods, accepting the question. ‘I gave a talk at his school on careers day a couple of weeks ago. Said he remembered me.’

‘Aye, right. Okay.’

Killian glances through the window at the lad. He looks younger than his fourteen years in the light of day.  That weird in-between phase between childhood and physical maturity.

He knocks as he enters.

Glancing up at the sound the words escape the boy’s mouth before he can stop himself. ‘Crap.’

Killian has to bite back the snigger he wishes to release. He grabs the chair before him and spins it round to sit on it, leaning over the back of it. ‘Well, quite. I do, however, tend to prefer being called Killian as opposed to crap.’

That earns him a smile. Tentative, but it’s there.

‘Henry.’ The lad says yanking the sleeves of his won shirt down over his wrists. It’s a protective move Killian recognises.

‘Aye, so I’ve heard.’

‘I’m sorry you got hurt.’

Killian nods in acknowledgement. He can tell the lad means it. There’s guilt etched across his features.

‘Look, lad. Here’s the thing. I don’t want you to tell me anything that you think will make you unsafe.’

Henry lifts his head so quickly, Killian imagines it will hurt later. ‘What?’ he breathes.

‘I’m pretty good at my job,’ Killian shrugs. ‘The whole team is and the people you were with did a sloppy job.’

‘So,’ Henry pauses searching for the right words. ‘What do I do?’

‘How about you and I wait until the person from your home gets here and then we can chat?’

Henry narrows his eyes slightly. Distrustful by nature. Doubting the words of adults in his life. (A feeling Killian knows all too well.)

‘Do you know how to play chess?’

The nods is brisk, but Killian will take it.

Henry, as it turns out, is pretty good. He’s also a keen reader. Likes baseball but doesn’t get football. Killian can’t say he disagrees. Eric knocks twice on the door and signals for Killian to come out. There’s a young female beside him who introduces herself as Aurora. Her accent is crisp and she’s far more polished than Killian would have assumed someone to be working in her field but who is he to judge.

‘How is he?’ she asks and the anxiety in her voice eases his mind. She cares for Henry. He catches Eric’s eyes above her head and he nods his head slightly. She’s okay.

‘He’s a good kid.’

The sigh of relief that leaves her mouth is genuine. ‘I couldn’t sleep last night after Ms Trevaine brought him back. He’s better than this. He deserves more than this. I can assure you, officer, he wouldn’t have wanted any part in this.’ She’s a petite thing but she squares her shoulders at Killian as if he may challenge her assessment.

‘I’m not disagreeing with you.’

‘Oh.’

‘If you don’t mind, I wanted to ask you a bit about some of the other lads we think were involved last night.’

Her brow furrows. ‘Isn’t that why Henry came here?’

‘Well…’

‘You don’t want him to be the one to tell you anything?’ she gasps.

He can feel eyes on him from across the room and he suddenly feels like the thermostat has been turned up about ten degrees. David’s are on him, but Phillip’s (he thinks) are on Aurora.

‘If you don’t mind, Officer Lawson can talk you through what we know. See if there’s anything you can confirm for us.’

Phillip knocks his knee against his desk as he leaps up to Aurora’s side and leads her over to the far side of the room. Eric chuckles beside him. ‘I’ll check if Henry wants a drink,’ he says before moving into the room behind Killian.

‘You’re good with him.’

Killian spins to face David.

‘Henry, I mean.’

‘Oh,’ Killian reaches up to run a hand through his hair and stops himself. ‘I get it.’ He’s not prepared to offer more at this moment in time.

David nods. ‘I didn’t mean any offence before. When I said about your injuries helping him to talk. That was uncalled for.’

‘Don’t worry about it.’ He waves it away. Means it. He’s found he likes the way in which the team here casually take the piss out of one another on a day to day basis.

‘Do you want to maybe grab a drink sometime?’ David says folding his arms over his chest. ‘When you’re feeling up to it.’

He feels his eyebrows rise to his hairline. ‘Aye, that’d be good. I’ll let you know when I’m no longer on pain killers strong enough to knock out a horse.’

David winces. ‘Do you need a ride or anything? I’m guessing you can’t drive yet.’

‘I think my sister-in-law would kill me with her bare hands if I tried it.’

‘Emma may too.’

And there it is. One of them had to bring it up first. The connection between them.

‘Aye, she may well.’

They must look like they’re having some sort of stand-off. Both men with their arms crossed standing five feet away from one another but Killian doesn’t sense animosity from the other man. Just caution.

Robin re-enters the main room and his eyes glance between his detective and the sheriff. He raises an eyebrow at Killian but doesn’t say any more on the matter. Just fills David in on where we go from here with the case. A couple of suspects involved are citizens of Storybrooke so David will need to stay in the loop.

Killian watches as the two men shake hands as David turns to leave. ‘Do you need that lift, Jones?’

‘No, I’m good for now thanks. I’ll stay until the lad goes.’

Then he’ll go home and ring Alex.

David surprises him by crossing the room to shake his hand and clap him on the shoulder. ‘Let me know about that drink.’

‘Mind telling me what the hell I missed there?’ Eric asks after David has descended the stairs.

‘Well, I recently found out that I have a son and David is sort of his uncle.’

‘Sort of?’

‘Aye. That’s the first time I’ve met him.’

Eric blinks at him. ‘That’s some twenty-four hours you’re having, Jones.’

No shit.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support for this story. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

_Then_

He doesn’t ask per say. Thinks if he does, she may talk herself out of it and so he doesn’t. Just tells her to grab her coat after they’ve finished their breakfast. Aims for nonchalant when he feels anything but.

‘What’s the plan?’

‘Well I’m free, and I’m hoping you are,’ he shrugs. That’s all there is to it really. He wants to spend time with her.

‘Oh.’

‘The good kind of ‘oh’?’

‘I wasn’t aware there were good and bad types of ‘oh’.

‘Oh, really?’ he challenges. Eyebrow raised.

‘You can stop with the charm to avoid answering my question,’ she deadpans but does so as she reaches for her coat.

‘Well you might say, ‘oh’ when someone tells you your neighbour’s cat has been run over. That’s a bad, ‘oh.’

‘Depends upon the cat.’

He laughs again. Feels like it has been far too long since such laughter had come so freely for him. ‘Well I may be rethinking my offer to spend the day with you now I know you’re a cat killer.’

Judging from the look on her face, he thinks he would have another cushion thrown at him were one within her reach. ‘Is that what it is? Spending the day together?’

The steadiness in her voice is betrayed by the way she traces her boot across the wooden floor in an agitated circle. In the way in which anywhere but his face suddenly is of great interest to her.

He takes three large steps toward her. Presses his gloves into her palms. ‘Yes, I would very much like to spend the day with you. If you’ll have me. So take these to keep your hands warm and then come back.’

‘Oh.’

This time he doesn’t need to ask - it’s the good type of ‘oh’.

\--------

_Now_

They’ve just arrived home to their loft apartment. Alex clambering up onto the sofa after wearing himself out at the park. Emma just smiles knowing his energy will be fully restored after a sandwich.

‘PB and J okay?’ she calls.

Alex nods as he dramatically slides to the floor from the sofa and pulls out his drawing pad from under the coffee table. There’s a knock on the door and Emma crosses to open it.

She grins taking in the sight of David at her door. ‘This is a surprise.’

She moves back and David steps in after her pulling her in for a quick hug.

‘Uncle David!’

‘Hey there, Champ.’

David hangs his jacket on the hooks by the door and moves to go sit on the floor by her boy.

‘Do you want some lunch, David? I’m just going to fix us some sandwiches.’

‘Oh, sure. That’d be great.’

She hums along to the radio as she’s sorting their food. Alex and David chatting away when her son says, ‘Do you know Killian? He’s my Dad.’

Emma freezes. Slice of bread in hand. Her eyes dart over to where the boys are sitting on the floor. David is still drawing as is Alex. No sign that her five-year-old has just opened a can of worms.

‘Yeah, I heard.’ David replies casually.

‘I like him.’

‘That’s good. I think I will too.’

That she wasn’t expecting. Wonders it it’s for Alex’s benefit.

‘I met him this morning,’ David elaborates, and a million questions run through her head.

‘Did you?’

‘I did. I had to go over to where he works to help with a case.’

‘Getting bad guys,’ her boy says innocently. Happily.

‘That’s it. He’s gonna call you later, right?’

Alex’s nod is super-sized.

David does glance up then and catches Emma’s eye.

‘I’m just gonna help your Mom finish lunch,’ David says as he stands up and makes his way over to her. He gently takes the slice of bread from her hand where it was still suspended in mid-air. She’s biting her lip to stop the tears from falling.

David just nods, understanding and takes over making the lunch.

‘Thank you,’ she whispers.

‘For making a PB and J?’

She punches him on the arm.

‘You really liked him?’ And damn it. This is important to her. She wants, _needs_ , David to like him. To see that kind of person he is. The person who he is to her.

‘I did. Seemed like a good guy. Good cop.’

‘Yeah,’ she breathes.

‘We’re going for a drink.’ David announces before taking a bite into his finished sandwich. ‘When he’s not dosed up on pain killers anymore.’

She can’t find the words, so she just wraps her arms around him.

‘Anytime, Emma. You know that. I’m on your team.’

‘He really looks like him doesn’t he?’ She knows she’ll hear it a million times over as soon as people start to see them together. David is different though. He counts.

‘Freakishly so. Although I’m pretty glad the little man isn’t sporting two black eyes.’

On that, they agree. They eat lunch together before David heads back to the station and Emma’s busy catching up on laundry and cleaning and all the other delightful things her weekends end up being filled with.

It’s ten to four when her phone lights up.

**Is now a good time? Work took longer than I thought.**

Emma feels a little shaky on her feet as she makes her way over to Alex. She sits down beside him and cuddles him to her side. ‘Do you want to speak to Killian now?’

His eyes are wide when they meet hers. Blue and clear. She knows the answer in them as she types her reply.

_Yeah, we’re ready._

When the phone lights up, she holds it in front of Alex. ‘Go for it, kid.’

Alex suddenly looks shy and it takes him a couple of attempts before he swipes it correctly to answer the call.

‘Hi,’ her boy says into the phone. He’s holding it with two hands cradling it to his ear. Pressing it to his face with far more force than is necessary. He wants to talk to his Dad though. Nervous as he is.

‘Hey, Alex,’ she hears Killian say through the phone.

And she just sits and strokes the top of her boy’s head as he chats to his Dad. Keeps pressing kisses into his hair. She can hear bits of what Killian says, but mostly she just listens to her boy. Hears the nerves disappear when Killian must ask him about his day and Alex starts chattering away. He fidgets against Emma’s side as he becomes more animated.

She just lets it all wash over her. This precious moment she never thought she’d have.

They talk for about ten minutes which is a pretty good time to hold Alex’s attention over the phone. ‘Cool,’ Alex says, amazed by whatever Killian has suggested. Everything is ‘cool’ to him at the minute. He seems to go through phases with words, she’s realised. Overuses them as he picks them up until they get absorbed into his vocabulary.

And she thought she was dealing with this all pretty well. That despite her heart beating in her chest at about twice the natural rate, that she was holding it together but then Alex turns to her and asks in some sort of comically loud stage whisper whether he can call him ‘Daddy’. It breaks her and heals her all at once. Swallowing down her emotions, she cups her boy’s soft check. ‘Whatever you want, Alex.’ He grins and turns his attention back to the phone.

‘Bye, Daddy.’

Alex drops her phone into her lap. ‘He said he could come to the park with us sometime. Can I go play?’ Alex grins and she nods quickly before standing and racing to the bathroom. She shuts the door behind her. Leans her back against it and quiets her sob with her hand. Her shoulders shake with the force of her emotion and she’s smiling and crying all at once.

Her phone vibrates in her hand.

**Was that okay, love? Is Alex okay?**

_Thank you_

He keeps thanking her and she knows he intends to do so until she fully gets what he is saying to her. What she has achieved and yet she wants to thank _him_ for wanting his boy. For not hating her for not finding him. For the way in which he keeps letting her set the tone. For making her feel understood in the same way he manged six years ago.

**He called me Daddy**

He did. It melted her heart too.

_Yeah_

_I heard you met David_

**Aye. Would have preferred to not be drugged up when I did but there you go.**

**Seems like a good cop**

Emma snorts at the way in which Killian’s words echo David’s.

**I won’t let you down with him, Emma**

And she’s not sure if he means David or Alex. Probably both, but he doesn’t need to make the promise. She knows he won’t with a certainty that terrifies her at times.

_I know_

She does.

\--------

She’s nervous. More than a little nervous. She’s glad she has Alex’s hand grasped in hers because it prevents her from wringing her own together. She knows she’s squeezed it a little too tight on occasion, but Alex seems to make it into some sort of game. He squeezes her hand as they walk and then she will a few moments later. A back and forth flip flop that has him smiling from ear to ear.

It’s her stomach doing flip flops that she’s concerned about which in itself is probably just unnecessary. This is going to go well. It’s not really that she’s doubting it. Alex and Killian already get along and they’re both as excited as each other to meet one another as father and son.

Killian and Alex had spoken throughout the week and Alex has been nothing but excited about the prospect. Somehow, the way it’s all worked out seems to have made it easier for Alex; the fact that he already knows Killian has helped to take away his nerves.

It’s not’s Alex that’s hesitant.

She’s worried. Worried about what comes next. What comes next for the three of them? Because she knows Killian’s character well enough to know this is going to be a forever thing. He’s always going to be here. He’s always going to show up for Alex (and possibly her).

It’s just how she adjusts to that without knowing what they are. As Emma and Killian. Whether this is just going to be a co-parenting thing or…well she doesn’t quite know what to call anything else.

As they round the corner, she spots him already there. Feels like the additional days of waiting for some of his bruising to subside have gone in slow motion. Now it’s here. His back’s facing to them and she kind of hoped it would go the way it does but never quite let herself dream it.

Alex stops beside her and as she turns to look down at him he grins at her looking for permission.

‘Go, kiddo,’ she smiles tilting his face closer to hers to lean down and kiss his cheek.

At her words, he careers off. Legs and arms going a mile a minute as he dashes across the grass. ‘Daddy!’ he cries.

She watches as Killian turns just in time to watch Alex run the last five meters and throw himself at him. Killian stoops down to pull him up into his arms and holds him tightly against his chest cupping the back of his head. She doesn’t hear what he says since he doesn’t yell it at the top of his lungs as Alex had, but she sees the way his lips keep moving.

When she finally remembers how to use her legs, she slowly walks toward them. Trying to remember everything about this moment. The sound of the fallen leaves beneath her feet, the sound of the birds in the trees, the way the sun sits low in the sky.

Killian opens his eyes as her footsteps alert him to her presence. She sees her own emotions echoed in his eyes. He reaches a hand out towards her as he resettles Alex more fully into the weight of his other arm. She puts her gloved hand in to his and squeezes.

‘Daddy, can you push me on the swings?’

Yeah, this is pretty much how she hoped it might go.

\--------

‘Well,’ Mary Margaret says, the unspoken question hanging in the air. To her credit, Emma has been at work for twenty minutes before her friend brings it up. Seemingly willing to follow Emma’s lead -but only up to a point.

And she absolutely doesn’t need to turn the mixer on quite then, but she does anyway. Gives herself another few seconds where the moment remains theirs. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to Mary Margaret. She absolutely does. Needs someone else’s perspective on this when she absolutely seems to have none.

‘I don’t know quite what to say,’ she begins as she flicks the mixer off and checks the consistency of the mixture within.

‘Well, how do you feel?’

Honestly, good. Really good.

(Also terrified.)

‘Oh, sweetie.’

‘Did I say that out loud?’

‘You didn’t have to,’ Mary Margaret says as she crouches down to check on the pastries in the oven.

‘I just, I am doing the right thing here aren’t I?’

‘What makes you think you’re not?’

‘I hate it when you answer a question with a question.’

‘Well,’ Mary Margaret says standing, ‘I do think you’re doing the right thing so that answers your question.’ She raises an eyebrow as if to say – now answer mine.

Emma begins to fold in the flavouring into the mixture. Trying to stir away her worries.

‘It feels right, and everything so far has felt right, but I have a child. I can’t throw caution to the wind and be gung-ho about this.’

‘You’re hardly being gung-ho, Emma.’

She huffs and tastes her creation.

‘Good?’ Mary Margaret asks grabbing a spoon from the drawer beside her. Emma proffers the bowl to her. ‘Oh wow, Emma that is amazing. I love the hint of nutmeg in there.’

She’s pretty pleased with it too. She checks that the zucchini cupcakes have cooled before she grabs her piping bag.

‘Alex enjoyed himself then?’

‘More than enjoyed. His nose was pink from the cold by the time he’d exhausted himself enough to admit defeat and let me bring him home.’ His eyes had almost been closing as Killian had said goodbye to him and helped fix his seatbelt. ‘Killian’s really good with him.’

‘He helped raise his niece, right?’

‘Yeah, Olivia. She’s about a year older than Alex. He’s been pretty hands on from what I can tell.’

Mary Margaret finally deems the pastries ready to be removed from the oven and steam billows into the kitchen as she opens the oven door. ‘Just don’t fight too hard against the things that you want, Emma.’

The truth is, there’s so much she doesn’t know about what happened back then and Killian’s now. She’s got a million and one questions but she’s hesitant to upset the balance they seem to be finding.

‘We, Emma Swan, are very good at our job,’ her friend smiles taking in the near perfection of her creations.

‘We just won’t be putting humble pie on the menu.’

\---------

‘Can you get me a copy?’ Elsa asks, beaming down at his phone screen.

‘You want me to send it to you?’

‘No, I want you to print me a copy to go on my fridge when you print one out yourself.’

‘Oh.’

‘Tell me that isn’t what you were planning on doing,’ she challenges.

‘Alright, fine you little mind-reader,’ he pokes at her side. ‘You really want one?’

‘Of course I do. This gorgeous little human is my nephew.’ She turns the phone screen around to face him as if he needed reminding. The photo is now his favourite thing. He’d noticed Emma taking a couple of pictures during their afternoon at the park and he’d asked if she minded showing them to him as they walked back to their cars.

His boy’s face was so happy and carefree he’d stopped in his tracks. ‘Could you, would you mind sending me a couple of them?’ he’d asked feeling unsure if it was alright.

Emma had merely smiled and sent them him all.

A fact which Elsa is clearly just realising as she swipes across his phone. ‘Oh,’ she gasps. ‘I want this one too.’

He moves to peer over her shoulder. Sees the photo she means. It’s a candid shot of he and Alex. Killian is crouched down beside him pointing something out to Alex as they’re surrounded by some of the ducks at the park. They look like father and son. He’s so grateful Emma sent it to him.

‘Yeah,’ he swallows thickly. ‘He’s bloody brilliant, Elsa.’

Elsa wraps her arm not holding the phone around his back. ‘I’m excited to meet him when you’re ready.’

‘Yeah, that’d be good.’ And maybe it hasn’t quite hit him before, but his family has just grown. He knew he was a father, knew he had this wonderful little boy who was half him and half Emma and of course that would make Alex related to Olivia. He knew all this, logically but he hadn’t quite thought that it would mean when he has Elsa and Olivia round to his place, that Alex would now have a seat at the table. (Emma too, if she’ll accept one.)

‘He would have been so proud of you,’ Elsa whispers jolting him from his thoughts.

‘Works both ways.’

‘Eh, well he’s not here to say it himself, so I’ll say it for him. That little boy is so lucky to have you for his Dad,’ she says sincerely. ‘Do you want me to try it in Liam’s accent?’

And gods did his brother ever make a better choice in his life than Elsa? He laughs and tells her not to. Best not to ruin a moment with her terrible British accent.

\------

Emma had texted him the night after meeting them in the park as he was getting into bed. Alex had been asking about when he could see him again and between work schedules they settle on Thursday evening which is how he finds himself walking the isles of the store looking for something to take with him.

He’d offered to pick up ingredients. Offered to cook since Emma spent her days in a kitchen as it is, but she’d declined his offer. Told him she was just going to do pasta and that he didn’t need to bring anything but himself.

He thinks maybe he’s doing the wrong thing. Wanting to get Alex something. Is it setting a bad precedent to turn up with a gift? He looks at the sea of toys in front of him and messages Emma.

**Hey, you there?**

_Yep. All okay?_

**Yeah. I just wanted to know if it’s alright if I bring Alex a gift?**

**Only something small**. He adds.

_You don’t need to, but of course you can._

**Thanks. See you soon.**

He walks up and down the isle about five times but it’s hard when he doesn’t really know too much about Alex’s likes and dislikes beyond lobster and police cars.

He has an idea then and makes his way towards the soft toy isle. It’s a long shot but this place is enormous and it’s then that he sees it. A bright red lobster no bigger than the palm of his hand.

Paying for it quickly, he exits the store and heads to his car. Stopping when he catches sight of the florist’s opposite. For a moment, he thinks to get Emma flowers. Then shakes the thought from his head.

Not yet, he thinks.

\--------

Another morning in the bakery and another morning of Mary Margaret pretending she’s not dying to ask how dinner with Killian had gone.

It’s Emma who caves this time.

‘He bought him a lobster soft toy,’ she blurts out as they organise the morning’s offerings onto their respective plates.

‘A lobster?’

Emma waits a moment.

‘Oh my heavens,’ Mary Margaret exclaims as she catches up. ‘Alex talked to him about lobsters when they met!’

She nods, bites her lip. Recalls the nervous way in which Killian had asked her if it was okay when he quietly pulled it out of the bag to show her before giving it to Alex. How Alex’s face had lit up as Killian gave it to him and said it reminded him of when they met.

Lobster sat at the table with them while they ate.

Lobster had also found his way into Alex’s backpack for school this morning.

‘So dinner was good then I take it?’

‘Dinner was pretty great.’ She can’t deny it. Doesn’t really want to at this point either.

‘So you think he’ll be coming around quite a bit now then?’

‘Yeah, yeah I do.’ She continues to check the figures on the spreadsheet before her. Ticking off on her paper copy when she’s completed each check. ‘You know, he’s offered to rearrange his shifts at the station so he’s free to collect Alex from school on Thursdays while I’m here,’ she pauses. ‘If I want him to.’ She’d been so taken aback by the gesture that she hadn’t really given him an answer last night.

‘Oh, Emma. That’s wonderful. I’m so pleased for you. And Alex. He’s taken to him like a duck to water.’

And that’s the best part about it, but it doesn’t quite stop her from that feeling she has of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s not Killian that she doubts, it just all feels a little too like a kind of happiness that she’s only seen others experience in live. Some semblance of a happily ever after.

Not that she’s told Killian how she feels.

‘You deserve good things, Emma,’ her friend says kindly standing where she is in the doorway to the office. Mixing bowl in hand.

And Emma wonders just how many times she needs to hear it before she truly accepts it.

Kilian had helped get Alex into bed before he left and, at his son’s request, read him a bedtime story. Emma couldn’t stop herself from listening in from the doorway. Smiling to herself at the voices Killian put on. He’d clearly had time to perfect them for his niece.

It was just as the crocodile in his story lost his friend the mouse that she heard her boy whisper a question that caused her heart to clench in her chest.

‘Where did you go, Daddy?’

‘When do you mean, champ?’

‘Before you came back.’

She hears Killian softly close the book and assumes he shifts closer to Alex as she hears the rustle of his covers. ‘Your Mommy told you that I had to go away?’

Alex must nod, because Killian continues talking to him softly.

‘Well, I only knew your Mommy for a short while, but I knew she was pretty magic.’

Alex giggles.

‘And then I found out that my sister was in hospital.’

‘Is she okay?’ Her boys asks and she can just imagine him lifting a hand to Killian’s cheek as he does when he thinks people are sad.

‘Aye, she is. You’re a good lad. She was very poorly at the time though and I needed to go and look after her because she didn’t have anybody else to help her.’

‘Like Mommy helps me?’

‘Yeah, like that,’ she hears the smile in Killian’s voice at their boy’s innocence. ‘And then when she was well enough for me to come and find your Mommy, I couldn’t find her.’

‘You couldn’t?’

She hears Killian’s heavy sigh. ‘No, I couldn’t. I tried to, but I didn’t really know where to look.’

‘You found us. Like the crocodile,’ Alex says stumbling slightly to organise the syllables.

‘I did. And you know what? It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.’

Her boy gasps. ‘Ever?’

‘Ever.’

She swipes at the tears on her cheeks.

(She agrees.)

Before she can talk herself out of it, she grabs her phone from the desk beside her.

_Are you free to come and collect Alex from school with me one night next week?_

_His teacher will know who you are then when you pick him up sometimes._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it and thanks for all your kind messages about this story so far.

 

His knee taps to a silent beat in the seat to her right. He’s barely spoken since he’d pulled up to her place.

He’s nervous.

‘Killian,’ she sooths. ‘It’ll be fine. There’s nothing to worry about.’

The frantic tapping stops. ‘I don’t want to make a bad impression.’

Her brow furrows. ‘Who could you possibly make a bad impression on?’ She takes the next left to turn onto one of the residential roads near Alex’s school. They’ll walk the rest of the way.

‘You know,’ he gestures with his hands. ‘The other parents.’

She flips on the indicator in her bug and pulls over in her usual spot. ‘What are you intending to do in the next five minutes to make a bad impression on them?’ she jests trying to lighten the mood.

The sigh that leaves Killian pulls at her heart. There’s more to this than he’s saying. She knows he collects and drops Olivia off to school at times so it’s not like this is an unknown world to him.

‘Killian, you don’t have to tell me why this is worrying you so much but maybe I can tell you what I think will happen.’

When he turns his head to face her, she continues.

‘We’re going to go wait in the usual spot where Alex’s grade comes out. A few of the kids go to the after-school club, so they won’t come out. Alex goes on Wednesdays and Thursdays. A few will wait in the classroom for one of the teacher’s aides to take them to the school bus.’

As she talks, she sees some of the tension leave his shoulders.                                                                                        

‘Alex’s teacher will bring out the kids in class who are being collected at the end of day. A few parents will say hello and have a chat. The nosy ones might introduce themselves to you. You tell them you’re Alex’s Dad. They’ll go away happy. When Alex comes out, he will no doubt throw himself at you.’

He smiles at that.

‘We’ll introduce you to Miss Haney so that she knows who you are for next time.’

‘Thanks, love.’

She wills herself not to sigh as he reaches across the console to squeeze her hand.

‘Let’s go get him,’ she says and hastily begins to exit the car because if she stays there with her hand in his for a second longer she’ll say something she shouldn’t. Like how she wants this every day. Like how she wants the other parents to see them together. Wants them to know that he belongs with her and Alex.

And she’s right. The nosey parents do turn to stare. (More than a few check Killian out beside her and she has to prevent herself from linking her arm in his.) ‘Smile and nod,’ she mumbles to Killian beside her.

She weaves them through the parents until she comes to a stop by Garrett’s Mom. ‘Hey, Hope. This is Alex’s Dad, Killian.’

Hope’s eyes widen fractionally before she reaches across Emma to shake hands with Killian. ‘I’m Garrett’s Mom,’ she says. ‘Pleasure to meet you.’

‘Aye, you too.’

‘First time here?’ Hope asks not unkindly.

‘Yeah, I feel a little like a goldfish,’ Killian muses but some of the anxiety in his voice from before has dissipated.

‘Oh yeah, I’ll bet I have two or three phone calls from the PTA Moms later asking for details,’ Hope grins.

Killian cocks an eyebrow and shakes his head.

‘I’m not joking. Want me to go with the truth or come up with something juicy?’ Hope asks her.

Emma laughs. ‘The truth is just fine. Killian is Alex’s Dad. He lives nearby.’

‘Spoilsport.’

The doors open then, and Emma looks up to see Miss Haney with the pupils lined up behind her. She sees Garrett who makes his way over to his Mom. Before he can reach them, Emma’s phone starts to ring. When she glances at the screen she sees it’s Ashley.

‘Take it, love,’ Killian says to her quietly. ‘I can’t see Alex yet anyhow.’

Smiling, Emma quickly squeezes his hand before stepping away onto the grass behind them to take the call.

‘Hey, Ash. All okay?’

Emma listens as Ash fills her in on some mix-up with the supplier. She keeps her gaze on Killian though. Sees him to chat to Garrett and wave goodbye to Hope. Emma rolls her eyes at the not so subtle thumbs up Hope gives her on her way past with Garrett.

‘You did the right thing, Ashley,’ she says in response to the run down of events. ‘I’m just getting Alex from school, but I’ll swing by on the way home and give them a follow up call.’

Ashley calls her a hero before hanging up. When she looks up she sees Alex, who is now at the front of the line. His teacher clearly having kept him until the end to more easily identify someone new collecting him.

She’s glad then, that she can watch the moment. Take in her boy’s face when he sees his Dad waiting to collect him. Hear his cry of Dad before her barrels over to him. Papers in hand and his backpack falling off his shoulder, he flings himself into Killian’s legs.

‘Whoah, lad. You almost knocked me down there.’

She can’t see Killian’s face from behind him, but she watches as he crouches down to take the papers from Alex and praise him for whatever is on there. It gets her every time. Watching the two of them together. Killian eases the strap of Alex’s bag back up onto his shoulder and helps him to tuck his other one on.

‘Good day then, lad?’

Alex nods, smile on his face.

‘Hey kid,’ Emma says as she reaches them, and ruffles his hair. ‘Let’s introduce your Dad to Miss Haney, okay?’

‘You must be Alex’s Dad,’ Miss Haney smiles offering out her hand to Killian. ‘I’ve heard lots of about you from this one.’

Alex blushes prettily as he’s outed by his teacher. The teacher who he has some sort of adorable five-year-old’s crush on.

‘All good though,’ she adds.

‘Good to know,’ Killian smiles. ‘He loves school, so we’ve got you to thank for that.’

We. He said ‘we’ and she’s probably reading too much into it but there’s a beautiful, smart, young woman in front of him and Killian is saying we like he’s announcing they’re a thing or something and she likes it. More than likes it.

‘Well he’s a pleasure to have in the class. Sorry for keeping him until the end. It just makes it easier when someone new is collecting.’

‘Thank you,’ Emma says. ‘Killian might be collecting sometimes so we thought it was best to come down together to start with.’

‘No, it’s really helpful,’ Miss Haney smiles. She unfolds the paper in her hand and passes it over to Emma. ‘When Alex said his Dad was coming to collect him I grabbed one of these from the office for you in case you need it. If you don’t, that’s fine but you can just send it back in with Alex if it needs updating.’

Emma glances down at the pupil contacts form. ‘Great, thanks. I’ll send it back in tomorrow.’

Killian smiles beside her. Alex’s hand wrapped in his.

‘We’ll let you get on,’ Emma says kindly.

‘It was good to meet you,’ adds Killian.

His teacher bends down to say goodbye to him, ‘See you tomorrow, Alex.’

‘Bye, Miss Haney,’ Alex waves as they head back down the path.

‘Do you mind if we swing by the bakery on the way home, guys?’ she asks as they get into the bug.

‘Can I get hot chocolate?’ Alex grins.

Killian twists in his seat to face him. ‘We can both get one while your Mom does a bit of work. That sound okay?’

Emma keeps her eyes firmly on the road because this feels like too much. A little too much like a family that is hers, but not really. She turns on the radio to distract herself. Laughs as Killian starts to sing along to amuse Alex and she knows she’s fallen for this man all over again.

It’s about an hour later when she’s finally sorted out the problem with the suppliers and she’s busily updating their schedule and menu for the next couple of days to accommodate it when Ruby slides onto the desk beside her.

‘So your boys are mighty cute out there, lady.’

They’re not her boys. Plural. As much as she wants them to be.

‘Whoah, no stop that.’ Ruby states reading her expression.

‘I didn’t say anything.’

‘You didn’t have to.’

She runs her hands over her face as she logs out. ‘It’s just…complicated.’

‘Being in love with the father of your son. Sounds really complicated.’

‘Ruby!’

‘Sorry,’ Ruby says knocking her knee against Emma’s by way of apology. ‘I know that was flippant, but I don’t want you to overthink this so much that it becomes a bad choice in your head.’

It sucks having her own fears voices out loud by someone else. And she’s never said anything about love but Ruby’s not entirely off the mark. She’s pretty damn on it.

‘It feels good, Rubes,’ and when she hears her own voice it’s laced with emotion. ‘When we’re together the three of us it feels really good. I’m so scared of messing it up.’

‘How would you mess it up? The way he looks at you, Emma. There’s no doubt.’

Emma looks at her friend. She’s not lying to her and sometimes Emma lets herself believe it too.

‘But there’s Alex to think of.’

‘There is,’ Ruby agrees. ‘But he’s about as in love with Killian as you are so I think he’d be good with it.’

Emma laughs at that.

‘You say it feels good when the three of you are together, but have you had any time just the two of you?’ her friend asks.

‘Barely.’ Ruby probably has a point. They can’t have these conversations with Alex around and that’s the whole point of it. Alex getting to know his Dad. That being said, maybe some time alone would be good. Besides the day at the park, there’s always been someone there.

Ruby hops down from the desk. ‘When you’re ready, let me know and I’ll watch Mr. Handsome.’

Emma nods and leans back in her chair. Lets Ruby’s words sink in. There’s so much at stake but she’s never felt this way around anyone else. Not Neal, not Graham. Just him.

She stands on slightly shaky feet and walks back through the bakery kitchen. When she steps out into the main restaurant she sees exactly what Ruby means. Killian and Alex are sitting in one of the booths in their section. Alex is tucked into Killian’s side kneeling on the seat. Killian’s arm is looped around the back of Alex and he’s drawing something on one of the napkins that makes Alex giggle.

Killian must sense her presence because he glances up to smile at her.  His blue eyes sparkling.

Yeah, she thinks, it feels pretty damn good.

‘All sorted, love?’ Killian asks as she slides in opposite them.

‘Yeah. All done. What have you two been up to?’

Alex slides a wad of napkins over to her where she can see the fruits of their efforts. ‘They’re fold-up creatures,’ he says proudly as Emma opens one up. Each napkin is folded in three and they’ve clearly taken turns to either draw the head, the body or the legs before they’ve unfolded it.

They’re fun but some of them are actually pretty good.

‘He gets it from you then,’ she muses. ‘The art thing.’

And damnit if he doesn’t blush a little. ‘Aye, yeah. I’ve always liked it.’

‘Cool.’ Alex says trying to give Killian ad high five and getting him in the shoulder instead.

‘You’ve got to look at the elbow, champ.’ Killian says patiently. Ignoring the fact he’s just been whacked on the shoulder. Emma watches as Alex makes sure to fix his stare on Killian’s elbow before he goes in for another high-five. It’s a perfect slap.

‘Mom, Mom! Let me show you.’ He scrambles out of the booth and in beside Emma to high-five her.

‘I’m gonna show Garrett.’

‘Ready to go?’ Emma says and as they make their way out the door, she doesn’t miss the knowing glance from Ruby.

\--------

He doesn’t make up his mind to do it, until he’s driving past the turning for the station and he suddenly finds himself pulling up into the parking lot (small as it is) of the Storybrooke Police Station.

His evening thus far had been lovely. An early dinner and an hour and a half with Emma and Alex after he’d finished up with school. He wonders if it will take a downward turn from this point forwards.

The lights are on in the station and as he nears the doors he realises he doesn’t even know if David is on duty. It’s just that tonight had been lovely. Peaceful. Content. It felt like family time and he can’t quite believe this is happening to him still sometimes. And he knows he has a lot to thank David for. For welcoming his Swan (he can’t think of her as anything else) into his home and making her feel loved and wanted and giving her and Alex somewhere to be happy.

He’s painkiller free and the case is mostly dealt with. The elder boys involved have been charged and cautioned as necessary. Robin sorting community service for young Henry so that the older lads in the gang didn’t think he was a snitch. And so, he’s decided to sort out that drink David had mentioned.

‘Killian?’ David questions as he comes out of his office to find him in the main room. He moves to shake his hand, surprise on his face.

‘Hello, mate.’ He nods at him. Glad to see that the ‘mate’ doesn’t make David flinch. It’s just force of habit with Killian at this point but with David, he’d like one day for it to ring true.

‘Everything alright?’

‘Aye, yeah. I’ve just been at Emma’s place with the lad.’

‘Good, that’s good. She said you’ve been spending time together,’ David says as he pulls through the printing he’d clearly come to retrieve.

‘Look, I won’t keep you,’ he tells him. ‘I just wanted to see when – if – you maybe wanted to grab that drink sometime?’

David rises his eyebrows slightly, and if Killian’s not mistaken, he seems some sort of impressed that Killian has come to broach the subject in person.

‘That’d be good,’ David smiles. ‘I’m actually off tomorrow after my nights. I’m on earlies again next week if that’s better. Just let me know.’

‘Tomorrow’s good, mate.’ He’d rather get it out the way. Like ripping of a band-aid or something.

And somehow, it’s tomorrow night before he knows it and he feels a little like he’s going to meet his girlfriend’s Dad - except Emma isn’t his girlfriend and David isn’t her father. He wishes it weren’t so. The girlfriend part at least. He’s given up trying to deny his feelings for her.

He’d let her know earlier that he was meeting David at a bar in Misthaven when he’d rung to speak to Alex and find out about his day.

‘I’m sorry if he goes all crazy on you,’ she’d said, and he realised that she’d been anxious about it.

‘Don’t apologise for him caring, love.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I think we’ll be fine.’  And it’s more like a hope in his chest. Nevertheless, he tries to say it with certainty for her.

‘I – could you…,’ she tails off. Hesitant.

‘I can let you know how it goes, love.’

He’s ten minutes early, but he sees David step out of his truck as he pulls in.

Right then.

He shakes his hand again and David seems to sense his nerves as he claps him on the back.

And it’s easier than he thought. They sit at the bar and chat about work and David tells him some funny story about a prank his wife managed to pull on one of his deputies.

Killian smiles, ‘I met her at the Services Fair with Emma and Alex.’

‘Oh, don’t I know it,’ David shakes his head but he’s smiling as he takes a swig from his beer. ‘My wife seemed to decipher a lot about you in the forty-two seconds she was in your company.’

‘She didn’t actually time it, did she?’

‘I actually wouldn’t put it past her,’ David sighs as he places his beer back down on the bar top, but his words are said with a fondness that Killian recognises.

‘Did Emma phone you and tell you to be on your best behaviour earlier?’ He deliberately keeps his tone light, but he has a feeling he knows the answer and they’ve got to get to this point of the conversation at some point anyway.

‘Of course she did.’

Yeah, of course she did. She’s got his back and that does something to him. Makes him feel like they could do this. Be a them. Killian picks at the label on the corner of his beer bottle on the side lost in his thought.

‘You get her.’ It’s not a question, not really, but he answers anyway.

‘I do, or I hope I do. She certainly gets me.’

‘You planning on spending more time over there now then?’

‘Yeah, it’s good. More than good.’

‘I wouldn’t have, you know.’

At Killian’s questioning gaze, David elaborates. ‘Given you a hard time. Not unless you deserve it.’

‘Fair enough.’

‘I do have questions though.’

He shifts to sit up a little straighter on his stool. ‘That’s fair enough too.’

‘Emma said you left her a letter. Back in Boston.’

‘That’s not a question.’ He winces then. The words leaving his mouth before he can stop him.

David chuckles and mutters something that sounds a little like wise-ass.

‘Alright then. I’ll rephrase. Did you leave her a letter when you left?’

Killian makes sure he’s looking him straight in the face when he responds. ‘Aye. I did. The hospital rang about Elsa being admitted and things didn’t look good, so I threw my things in my bag and flew out the door. I wrote Swan a letter to say…’ he pauses. ‘Well, I’m not going to tell you everything that was in there, but I told her where and why I was going. Gave her my number and address in Portland.’ He runs a hand through his hair. ‘Even my bloody email address.’

They sit in comfortable silence as the bar erupts around them. Footage of a touch-down being replayed on the screens.

‘Did you ever go back to the bar?’

And he should have known that a sheriff’s line of questioning would be this way. He sighs. They’re not exactly his fondest memories.

‘I did. Not to begin with. I went after Olivia was born.’

‘Your niece.’

‘Aye,’ he smiles. ‘She’s going to be a little heartbreaker. It was closed though. The bar I mean.’

‘Why didn’t you go back later?’

‘Closed down,’ he elaborates.

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’ It’s a little ridiculous the way in which the disappointment still hits him afresh. The whole way there on the drive he’d been forcing himself to keep calm. Despite his best efforts, hope kept creeping in. Will had seemed decent enough and he thought for sure that he would have remembered he and Emma. He’s gone expecting to find some answers and had only found a closed door. 

‘When did you become sheriff here?’ he finds himself asking, needing a brief reprieve.

‘About five years ago now. I love it. Moved here after college when Mary Margaret got a job here and worked my way up.’ He takes another swig from his beer and Killian signals to the bartender to get them both another. ‘It’s a good place,’ David adds with that ease that seems to surround him.

‘Yeah, it does seem so.’ Killian can’t help but agree. Olivia is thriving at her new school and Elsa seems much happier at the new firm.

‘So what about the move here? Emma mentioned something about Portland before. I’m guessing a detective’s work is a little quieter round here.’

‘Aye. It is. The team needed to expand to deal with the growing smuggling issues at the ports, but it is a slower pace.’

David, he can tell, is waiting him out under the cover of watching the game on the screen behind the bar. It’s odd, he thinks, how he and Emma do actually look enough alike to pass for brother and sister.

‘Have you already run the background check to give you the answers you’re after?’ He too pretends to be intrigued by the game.

The man to his right chuckles and shakes his head. ‘No, but I will if I think I need to.

He can’t really argue with that. (He’d probably do the same.)

‘I started to work more undercover operations,’ he begins. And it’s odd. Talking about it. He hasn’t really had to. Elsa knew because she lived it. She told Anna. Robin knows because he consulted on several of the cases. ‘Just short assignments to begin with. They were simple enough to pull off and I went home at the end of the day. I seemed to be good at it. Gained a bit of a reputation and so it started to happen with more regularity. Then the deep cover assignments started to come, and I wasn’t sure at first.’

‘Your niece?’

Damn, he’s perceptive.

‘Aye. I don’t know how much Emma said, but, well, I lost my brother and he never got to meet his daughter and I’ve tried my best to be there for her.’ He’d do anything for Olivia and not just out of a sense of obligation. She and Elsa have been there for him as much as he for them.

He’s shaken from his thoughts by David clinking his beer bottle against his.

Surprised, Killian twists to face him and for a moment, there’s something in David’s expression that brings Liam to mind.

‘They’re lucky to have you.’

‘It works both ways.’ He sighs. Picks a bit more at the label on his bottle. ‘I didn’t really have the grounds to turn down the assignment anyway since Olivia isn’t mine and I knew I could do it.’ He did. He was good at being undercover. So good, it seemed to worry Elsa. He hadn’t been able to tell her much before he disappeared. She knew though. She always seemed to.

‘How long?

‘Nine weeks.’

David’s silent. Contemplating the extent of it.

‘And well, it worked. We got the people that we needed to and enough evidence for them to never see the outside of a cell again, but I was injured in the process. Tried to protect one of the women caught up in it all who deserved better than the fate she received.’ He shakes his head as the images creep across his field of vision. The gun pressed to her temple. Her bloodied face. The searing pain in his own chest and the bloom of blood on his shirt.

‘Shot?’

‘Aye.’

‘Bad?’

He pulls the collar of his open shirt to the left to show the scar caused by the entry wound.

David lets out a low whistle. ‘That’s close.’

He nods. An inch further to the right and he might not have made it. Too close to major arteries.

‘Does she know?’

‘Emma? No.’

‘You should tell her,’ David states, ‘about the shooting. But that’s not what I meant.’

Yeah, he hadn’t quite thought that through. David had clearly caught sight of his tattoo. He clears his throat. It’s not that he’s really been hiding it from her, but short of blurting it out in conversation or taking off his shirt it’s not come up.

He needs to move the conversation on. Quickly.

‘So after some recovery time, I took Robin’s offer. I don’t want to put Elsa and Olivia through that again and, like you said, it’s a slower pace here.’

‘No talking about the tattoo, then,’ David grins. ‘You moved the subject along rather quickly there.’

‘Can’t blame a man for trying.’

They drink the remainder of their beers in easy conversation but when they step out into the crisp evening air of the parking lot, David turns to him with a question in his eyes.

‘I gotta ask, man. Old or new?’

The tattoo.

Killian shakes his head and walks to his car. He pulls open the car door but stops himself from getting in. He turns to find David in the same position where he left him outside the entrance to the pub. Damn it. He calls out across the parking lot.

‘I got it six years ago.’

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for your kind words about this story so far! Hope you enjoy the next chapter.

‘There’s someone out front asking for you.’

‘Jesus, Jefferson!’ Emma says clutching her hand over her heart. ‘You scared the life out of me.’

‘Your financials that thrilling, huh?

‘Knock next time or I’ll set Ruby on you.’

Jeff throws his head back and laughs. ‘I only let her think she has that kind of power over me.’

‘Erm, she does,’ Emma says clicking save and minimising the accounts she was working on in the office.

‘She does,’ he smiles, ‘but because I let her.’

Emma pulls up short. When she first met Jefferson and all his gruffness, she never thought she would see this side of him - the man willingly softened by love.

‘Well count yourself lucky because you smell like fish guts.’

‘I do not!’ he huffs. For being the chef in a seafood restaurant, Jefferson is always immaculately presented. Emma teases him for it at any chance she can get. ‘I’ll cut you and Alex off for free meals.’

‘I have no problem using my five-year-old’s charming smile against you.’

‘Well I hear there’s another blue-eyed man with a charming smile in your life.’

Damn him. He has her there. She hopes she can pass off her blush as the heat from the kitchens as they move towards the front.

‘And I’m not talking about me…’

She can’t stop the bizarre snort from leaving her mouth. ‘Didn’t really need the clarification there. So, who’s out front?’

Jefferson shrugs before leaning his back onto the swinging door out to the front serving counters. ‘Didn’t ask.’ He nods his head towards a woman bent down looking into the glass display cases of the bakery.

As Emma approaches she realises she doesn’t know her either. She wears an expensive looking navy dress that finishes just above her knees and the bag tucked into the crook of her arm suggests a kind of grace Emma wishes she owned.

‘Hi,’ she greets. ‘I’m Emma Swan. My colleague said you wanted to speak with me.’

As the woman stands, Emma takes in the blue of her eyes and isn’t surprised at all by the next words that come out of her mouth. ‘I’m Elsa Jones and, well, I wondered if you were due a lunch break?’

‘She is,’ Mary Margaret answers for her, popping up from out of nowhere. ‘Go, sit. I’ll bring something over.’

‘Okay,’ Emma nods wondering if she should feel worried by the surprise visit. Wonders if Killian has any idea. She doubts it. He surely would have said.

They sit at one of the tables at the far end of the restaurant, tucked away in the corner. For her polished appearance, there’s a kindness in Elsa’s eyes that does something to quell the feeling in Emma’s stomach. Killian was right, Elsa does look alarmingly like the daughter Emma had seen with Killian at the grocery store all those weeks ago.

‘The cakes at your bakery look beautiful. Do you make them all here?’

‘Thank you. We do, yes. Sometimes it’s a challenge, but we love it. You met Mary Margaret when she very enthusiastically interrupted us before. She’s my partner in all of this and baker extraordinaire.’

Elsa’s laugh is genuine. ‘It’s always good to have friends in your corner.’

Does she need someone in her corner? Is Elsa about to give her the over-protective older sibling’s speech? Her thoughts must be evident on her face because when Elsa speaks again it is to quell her fears.

‘Oh, gosh. Wherever your mind just went is not what I meant. You do not need someone in your corner because I’m here. I’m not here to dole out some sort of sibling-shaped warning.’

Her words are completely sincere, and it puts Emma at ease. ‘Well I hope you’re hungry because I have no doubt Mary Margaret will bring over far more food than is necessary in about twenty-five seconds.’

True to her word, Mary Margaret arrives with arms laden with a plate of sandwiches from Granny’s and bite-sized selections of their cakes.

‘This looks wonderful, thank you.’

‘Geez. You trying to fatten me up,’ Emma jokes.

‘Nonsense, I just…’ Mary Margaret pulls up short realising she is being teased. ‘Enjoy your lunch,’ she says glaring at Emma then turning to Elsa politely. ‘Elsa, it was lovely to meet you.’

A few minutes pass in idle small talk as Elsa asks questions about their lunch and the restaurant in general.

When she finishes a half of her sandwich she wipes her hands on the cloth napkin before taking a deep breath.

‘You must wonder what I’m doing here?’

Emma nods. ‘A little.’

Elsa releases a shaky breath that seems uncharacteristic for the confident woman before her.

‘Killian has no idea that I’m here. In fact, I can hear him huffing about my interfering already, but I needed to come and speak to you. I should have before, but I was waiting for Killian to introduce us and then I got tired of waiting.’

Emma laughs lightly. Elsa does seem of the no-nonsense variety.

‘I don’t think I need to tell you that all of this means the world to him, Emma. Finding you and Alex has made him the happiest I have ever seen. Truly. But I also see the way in which he tries to battle the guilt he feels and he shouldn’t have to.’

Emma opens her mouth to protest. She’s told him time and time again that he shouldn’t feel guilty about everything that came to pass. Elsa shakes her head, cutting Emma off before she can start.

‘I _know_ that guilt isn’t as a result anything you have done, Emma. It’s just that for the last six years he’s been my rock. He’s been my brother and my best friend and my daughter’s absolute hero and he,’ she swallows hard, ‘he should have been those things for you. With you.’

Emma is taken aback. An apology wasn’t what she was expecting or needing.

‘Maybe not the brother part, but family. He’s _your_ family and I feel like I took that away from you and from Alex.’ Elsa’s voice is thick with emotion and Emma sees the tears that she holds at bay. ‘I asked the hospital to call Killian all those years ago because Liam was my emergency contact and they needed a new one. I gave Killian’s name because he is my brother and my friend and my little sister was just that. She was still only nineteen at the time and away at university.’ Elsa pauses and takes a steadying breath.

‘I’m here because I want so badly to tell you how sorry I am for what I took from you.’

‘Hey, please don’t apologise. Or cry. I’m not great with criers. What you said before, about Killian’s misplaced guilt? Well, it works here too.’ She can’t help but reach over and squeeze the other woman’s hand lightly. ‘You couldn’t have known. I didn’t even know and neither did he.’

_And it was four days,_ her mind whispers. Why would any sane person have known that what they had could be lasting?

‘And he wouldn’t be Killian if he hadn’t have gone to help you. He would have hated himself if he hadn’t.’ Which is true. He may hate himself a little for leaving Emma, but she plans to spend her time easing that guilt. No matter how long it takes.

‘You get him, don’t you,’ Elsa nods dabbing at her eyes with the side of her napkin so as not to ruin her mascara which has bizarrely stayed almost perfectly intact.

Emma notes that it isn’t a question. Not really. And she does.

‘Which of these cakes of yours is going to put a smile back on my face? I don’t really cry very often so if a sugar-hit can pull me out of it, I’ll take it.’ Elsa leans forwards to get a closer look at the sampling plate.

Emma smiles. ‘I’d start here.’ She spins the plate round so that the coffee cake is towards her.

As Elsa takes a bite, she moans at how good it is. ‘You know, Alex looks so much like him. It’s uncanny. Liam had a couple of photos of them from when they were little and it just blows me away. I’ll have to show you sometime.’

Alex would like that. _Her too._

‘The Jones gene must be strong. I see Liam in Olivia every day. It’s wonderful, but also hard.’

‘Yeah. I get that.’ She does. Their situations are different, but not having Killian around for all those years was its own kind of loss. ‘Did Killian tell you I thought Olivia was his?

‘Oh, yeah,’ Elsa says reaching for another bite of coffee cake. ‘I laughed and laughed imagining his face when he thought it was twins, but I can see it. They do look alike though, but then so did Liam and Killian.’

‘They did?’

Elsa reaches to retrieve her phone from her bag and slides it across the table for Emma to see.

‘You look so happy,’ Emma acknowledges. The Elsa in the photo before her is laughing as a man, who is undoubtedly Liam, presses a kiss to her cheek. He has the same eyes as Killian and there’s definitely something very Jones-esque in his facial features in general. ‘It’s a lovely photo.’

‘Yeah, it was a lovey day,’ Elsa says smiling herself at the photo before dropping her phone back into her bag, ‘and I can remember all the good parts now.’

‘Did they act alike?’

‘Yes, in a lot of ways. Their mannerisms and their interests. Killian can be a real charmer, but he’s also more private than Liam ever was. Liam was the kind of person who walked into a room and everyone felt like he was their friend. More prone to sentiment than Killian too. At least, outwardly. You know, he told me the day we met, ‘that some people you meet and get to know and other people you meet and know.’

‘Pretty eloquent for a first date.’

‘It wasn’t even a date! He literally ran into me. I laughed at him and called him cocky but strangely I knew exactly what he meant.’

Yeah, Emma thinks. So did she when she met Killian in that bar.

‘You know, for all Killian’s ability to turn on the charm, he’s always been a pretty private person when it comes to the stuff he holds dear and so when Liam died he felt it harder than most. They were more than brothers. Liam was his best friend and a father figure and he blamed himself.’ Elsa shakes her head angrily. ‘I watched him in those weeks after the accident. It was like he was drowning too – just on dry land -  and so when he said he needed to leave for a while, I let him.’

Emma knows this part too. She’s felt the sadness surrounding him when she’d met him. The pain still fresh. The grief still with it’s grip around his heart.

‘I thought it would help to clear his head. Liam would have hated to see him so lost and so I thought I could help by letting him go for a while.’

‘He was lucky to have you looking out for him.’

Elsa scoffs. ‘I try to. And not because I feel like I owe it to Liam, but because he’s _Killian_ and I hate how much I have had to rely on him.’

‘I don’t think he does, you know?’ Emma says snagging her own piece of cake. She doesn’t want to speak for Killian, but she knows enough to know he would never want Elsa to be feeling this. ‘He loves you and Olivia. You say he’s your family and your friend, but you’re his too. He says as much now and he did then.’

‘Well and that’s just it,’ Elsa smiles shaking her head in disbelief. ‘He found you and talked to you. Opened himself up when he guarded himself around everyone else after Liam died.’

Emma bites her tongue from saying it works both ways.

‘You know, when I _finally_ got him to tell me about you, I knew. I knew what you meant to him from the way he spoke about you and the look on his face when he did.  I’d never seen him like that.’

Emma gulps down her water.

‘And that same look is pretty much permanently on his face these days,’ Elsa says a little smugly. ‘I have a theory on that if you want me to share.’

Emma laughs. ‘I think I’ve got it.’

They spend another fifteen minutes or so chatting away until Elsa says she must get back to the office. Emma’s somewhat surprised when she’s pulled into a hug, but it’s not unwelcome. Elsa is direct and astute but she’s also honest and open. Emma likes her.

‘Thank you for having lunch with me after I ambushed you.’

‘You’re welcome. It was lovely to meet you.’

‘You too. I’d love to bring Liv by. She’d love it.’

Emma would like to meet Elsa’s daughter properly, ‘You’re both welcome. Anytime.’

‘You say that, but Killian mightn’t when I tell him I came by.’

‘I’m sure you can handle him,’ Emma grins.

As soon as Elsa leaves, Mary Margaret descends upon her. ‘Tell me everything.’

Emma just laughs. It is good to have people in your corner.

\--------

‘She’s lovely, by the way,’ Elsa says as she stirs their dinner in the pan on the stove.

Killian cocks his head up from where he is lying on the floor fixing a loose socket for them. ‘Sorry, who’s lovely?’

‘Emma’

He drops the screwdriver onto the floor. ‘What?’

‘Emma is lovely. As beautiful as you said and the cakes at the bakery are just amazing.’

‘Elsa! What do you mean she’s lovely? How do _you_ bloody know?’ He asks pushing himself to his feet.

‘You should bare in mind that I am making you dinner right now,’ turning towards him with spoon in hand, ‘and that you talk about her enough for it to be plausible that I have just absorbed these things via osmosis.’

‘Give over,’ he says snatching the spoon from her hand. ‘Start talking.’

‘Fine, then you can stir.’

He huffs but turns his attention the sauce.

‘In the spirit of honesty, I went to go and see Emma at the restaurant in my lunch hour today. We had lunch together and talked.’

Killian doesn’t say anything because he thinks he may just say something he oughtn’t. Grips the spoon far harder than it deserves.

Elsa sighs dramatically at his silence. ‘Stop being dramatic. I really like her, Jones.’ And maybe it’s the earnestness in her voice, but he lifts his gaze to meet hers from where she is leaning with her back to the counter beside him.

‘Well you’d be bloody stupid not to.’

Elsa pinches his cheek and he swats her away. ‘I agree and I’m likeable too when I want to be, so you really have nothing to get all frowny about.’

‘I don’t get it. Why didn’t you tell me before? I wouldn’t have stopped you from seeing her. I just might have warned her first.’

‘People do not need warning before meeting me,’ she huffs folding her arms over her chest.

‘I disagree,’ he laughs ‘Depends which Elsa Jones they have the pleasure of meeting – Elsa law extraordinaire, or Elsa the super-cool Mom.’

‘Good save with the ‘super-cool,’ she mutters, ‘and it was neither,’ she says nudging Killian out the way with her hip and resuming her spot by the stove. ‘She met apologetic, Elsa.’

And just like that, it clicks into place. He runs a hand through his hair. ‘Christ, Elsa. Why didn’t you tell me you still felt like that? I thought we cleared that up weeks ago? None of this is your fault. I promise you.’

She sighs, tucking a strand of blonde hair back behind her ears. ‘I know. I do know that and I have told myself so several times, but sometimes a feeling just sticks.’

‘Yeah, it does.’ He knows that all too well himself.

‘I promise I wasn’t doing an Anna and sticking my nose in.’

He bites his lip to stop himself from chuckling. One over-indulgently meddlesome Hanssen sister is enough. ‘I know that,’ he concedes, ‘Did it help? Talking to Emma about it.’

Elsa nods to herself as she adds more seasoning to the sauce. ‘She’s a good one, Jones. Don’t let her go.’

He has no intention of doing so.

Later, when he reaches the comfort of his own apartment he sends Emma a quick message asking if he can call. He’s barely toed his shoes off before his phone lights up with her name.

‘Hey,’ he grins.

‘Hey.’

‘So I’ve just had dinner at Elsa’s.’

‘She told you then? About coming to the restaurant?’ she pauses, ‘Or have I just dropped her in it?’

Chuckling he tells her she’s done no such thing. Emma’s voice is light and he breaths a sigh of relief that it hasn’t unsettled anything between them. It shouldn’t have, not really. He’s done the whole meet the family thing with David and Mary Margaret and just about every other citizen of Storybrooke whom has adopted Emma into the fold.

‘Good. She’s lovely.’

‘Aye, that she is.’ She is. He adores Elsa and he’s never wanted or needed her to accept who he was dating because it was never going to be anything lasting. It was never Emma. He allows himself a moment to accept the warmth of the fact that his sister and his...Emma get on.

‘She mentioned that Olivia would enjoy coming in to see the bakery.’

Her voice tails off slightly towards the end leaving the ball in his court. They haven’t told Olivia yet. Not because he doesn’t want to, but he knows (as surely as Elsa does) that she’ll find it hard. It means the world to Killian how much he has been a part of her life and as a result the bond between the two is fierce. For a six-year-old she is as protective over Killian as he is over her. She’ll be delighted at the thought of having more family, but it’s a conversation that needs to be had at the right time.

‘Yeah, I think she’d love that. We could arrange it for some time soon.’

‘If she’s interested, I could always take her to bake something in the back after our kitchen closes one evening.’

God, she’d be interested. ‘She’d love that, lass. Thank you.’ He decides to go for it. ‘I’d love that.’

Emma’s reply is soft, but he hears it right down to his toes, ‘She’s your family, Killian. She’ll always be welcome.’

And with her words, another piece seems to fall into place.

The conversation switches towards Alex and Killian finally voices what’s been on his mind for the last week or so. ‘I was wondering whether you two maybe wanted to come for dinner or something at my apartment one day?’

He can hear the smile in her voice when she replies, ‘We’d like that.’

‘Me too.’ Too bloody much because when they’re here, he may never want them to leave. ‘You’re welcome to come over and check it out before you bring Alex if you want?’

‘Is that some sort of a come on, Killian?’ she teases, ‘Because, if it is, you need to up your game.’

He pinches his nose in frustration. ‘Bloody hell, love. That’s not what I meant at all! Not that I wouldn’t want…’ he swallows unsure of where to go, then huffs, ‘I have more game than that.’

‘I might agree with you there.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah’

‘What I was trying to say was that you’re welcome to come and see the place before you bring Alex if you want.’

She’s quiet on the other end of the line before she sniffs. Her voice is full of emotion, ‘I don’t need to do that, Killian.’ He wants to ask if she’s okay. Of all the heavy conversations they’ve had recently, this doesn’t strike him as being particularly emotional, but who is he to say. Before he can ask, she continues. ‘I trust that you don’t leave broken class around or have vermin. It’s good.’

‘No vermin as of yesterday. Took me all morning to throw their remains out the window.’

‘Good timing then.’

‘Sometimes I surprise myself.’

They settle on Saturday afternoon. Killian is at work until four, but then they can have an early dinner and maybe walk down to the local park for a bit if it’s not too cold. When he hangs up, he immediately starts fussing around his apartment which is nonsense since it’s already spotless. Once a Navy man, always a Navy man. He catches sight of the photo of he and Alex framed on the side table and pulls up short. The thought of having his boy in his home fills him from head to toe. It’s another step closer to where he wants to be.

\-------

She’s exhausted. Her limbs ache and her throat is surely drier than the Sahara but she bussies herself around the loft grabbing what she and Alex need to take over to Killian’s. Alex has shot back to his room at his usual full-pelt speed to grab the picture he has drawn for Killian’s house.  Crappy as she feels, nothing would stop her from going today and not just for Alex – she wants this too.

Regretting it before she even does it, she glances in the mirror by side of the front door and cringes at her complexion. She looks knackered. She _is_ knackered. Being under the weather is one thing. Being under the weather with a loving but seemingly jet-powered son is another thing entirely.

‘Mom! I’m ready,’ Alex calls sliding into the room in his socks, mega-watt smile on his face.

‘You look very handsome,’ she says looking at her little boy who is growing up far too fast despite the fact that there is a large stegosaurus on the front of his sweatshirt.

‘You look pretty too,’ he says tilting his head as if he’s doing a thorough survey of her.

She really doesn’t look anything of the sort but she’ll take his view of her through rose-tinted-Mom-glasses any day. Helping him slip his coat on she asks him to grab his backpack full of supplies in case he wants something to do at Killian’s.

On the drive over, Alex is full of questions about Killian’s ‘partment’ that she doesn’t know the answer too. ‘Bud, I haven’t been before either! What I do know, is that he will be very happy to see you.’

And maybe her. Probably her too.

She’s not wrong, Killian’s smile matches Alex’s for the mega-watt capacity when he opens the door. The apartment complex is lovely. Modern but somehow homey too and it’s big. As he takes their coats and Alex prattles on, she glances round at what she can see. It’s bigger than she thought. And impeccably clean.

Alex is containing his excitement bouncing by Killian’s side knowing that he shouldn’t run off and explore in someone’s house he’s not been to, but dearly wanting to.

‘We match!’ he yells at Killian.

Emma herself laughs at Killian’s confounded expression. He has a grey sweatshirt on and black jeans to Alex’s blue jumper and army-green trousers. Alex then holds his arm up to the trim on the ribbing of Killian’s jumper which is indeed navy blue. Emma’s heart melts at her boy’s eagerness.

Emma watches as Killian smiles shaking his head at his lad in wonderment before giving him a hearty high-five.

‘Do you want to look around, lad?

Alex nods enthusiastically. ‘Can I?’

‘Sure, if it’s okay with your Mom?’ Killian says turning to raise his eyebrows at her in question.

She nods. ‘If it’s okay with Killian, then it’s okay with me.’

Surprisingly, Alex doesn’t scamper off but starts meandering around the main room looking curiously at things but not touching. God, he’s a good kid. He giggles at something and it draws Emma’s eye. It’s the photo she sent Killian of the two of them at the park when they were feeding the ducks.

She gasps.

‘Look, Mommy. It’s me!’

She can only nod for fear of crying if she opens her mouth. Damn feeling ill. Her defences are down.

Killian’s hand reaches out to touch her elbow. ‘Shall I make us a drink?’ he says gently. Knowing what she needs before she does. ‘Go and sit down and I’ll bring it in.’

Numbly she makes her way into the open lounge area and sits on his couch feeling rather useless. She’s here and Alex is here and Killian is here and he’s telling her to sit and making her a drink as if this is normal. This isn’t normal. It’s _everything._ It’s everything and of course it has to happen when she feels like death warmed up.

Killian calls Alex into the kitchen to come and see what he would like to drink and Emma twists herself round to look through the open wall into the kitchen. Killian has lifted Alex onto the counter and however he is describing the different juice options has Alex in hysterics. She watches as he helps Alex to pour his own drink before hopping him down.

‘Do I need to put it on a thing?’ Alex asks as they come back into the lounge area.

‘A thing?’ She hears Killian ask.

‘Like at home on the little mat.’

‘A coaster?’

‘Yep.’

‘That would be great. I’ll show you where I keep them so you’ll know for next time.’

‘Cool.’

They come back in and Killian pulls out the draw in the coffee table to show Alex where the coasters are. He asks him to get two so there’s one for Emma and then he settles a hot cocoa in front of her.

‘He’s amazing,’ he whispers.

She won’t disagree with him there. Although, really, the coaster habit comes from Mary Margaret and not her, but her boy gets points for remembering all the same. Killian disappears to fetch his own drink but doesn’t sit on his return. Instead he snatches up Alex and tickles him, asking if he wants to see the rest of his place.

Emma moves to push herself up from the couch, but Killian’s hand on her shoulder stops her. His voice is quiet, but intent. ‘Sit. Rest. It’ll still be there later.’ And for a moment there’s something in the way he’s leaned in quietly towards her and the look in his eyes that makes her thing he might do something stupidly wonderful like kiss her on the forehead. He doesn’t. Alex wriggles from where he is tossed over his shoulder and so off they go.

He’s trying to take care of her. Can clearly see what the mirror had shown her earlier. She might just let him.

As the two of them disappear down the hallway, she takes in the surroundings. His furniture is comfortable but stylish and sleek. There’s books stacked on side tables and shelves and photos dotted around. It feels welcoming and it has precisely nothing to do with the fact that the whole place smells like him.

She picks up the book on top of the pile on the coffee table. Traces her fingers over the embossed title, ‘Alaska’s Voice’ and begins to thumb through the pages. The photography in the book is stunning. A lovely evocation of the wilderness and the secrets it holds. She loses herself in turning the pages, cocoa nestled in her hands. She hears the boys return before she sees them. Hears Killian getting Alex settled at the table with some puzzle of Olivia’s he must have borrowed. Killian is patient explaining how he needs to find the outer pieces first and suggests putting the others back in the lid so they’re safe.

She cranes her neck to watch them. Both dark heads of hair bent over the box studying the image before it. She feels the smile spread across her face and Killian must sense her surveying them because he turns to give her a smile of his own before making his way over to her. He’s so handsome. She thought he’d realised it in the bar all those years ago. He flirted and charmed her and yet there were insecurities buried deep within.

Now, now those insecurities seem to stop him from doing as he wishes. She sees the way he reaches for her on instinct when they’re together and then stops himself. Hears the words he doesn’t say and the apologies he gives when he does.

It’s not that she doesn’t want the words, she just doesn’t need them with him. She’s had enough empty promises to last a lifetime and he’s showing her in all that he does, that Alex is his choice. That she may just be too.

It’s just a lot.

It’s a lot and she absolutely will not do something that will jeopardize Alex’s happiness. The timing _has_ to be right.

Killian settles on the sofa beside her. His eyes land on the book open on her lap.

‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t snooping. It just caught my eye.’

‘Don’t be,’ he grins. ‘I leave it out so I have bragging rights.’

‘Bragging rights?’

He reaches over and gently closes the book so that Emma is one again faced with the cover. He points to one of the names running like a banner across the bottom of the book underneath someone who she assumes must be the main photographer or editor of the work.

‘This,’ he says pointing to the name of Anna Hanssen, ‘is my little sister-in-law.’

‘Wow. Elsa’s sister?’

He nods proudly. ‘It’s a really big deal. Her first images published in a book. She’s only out of college three years. Takes off for most of the year traipsing all over the world with her colleagues. I have no idea how she manages to keep quiet enough to not scare all the wildlife in the area away, mind. She’s a mile-a-minute that one.’

There’s so much affection in his tone and Emma’s glad he has remained so close to his family after the pain and guilt he was experiencing when they had first met.

‘They’re amazing. Which are hers?’

Killian flicks though the pages with her to find Anna’s shots. They’re beautiful and full of life befitting Killian’s description of Anna. ‘She’s heading to town imminently so we’ll all need to pack our ear plugs for that.’

‘She sounds like fun.’

Killian stands and she immediately misses the warmth of him beside her. ‘I’ll make a start on dinner.’

She opens her mouth to say she’ll help but he shakes his head. ‘Please don’t be offended, but I know you’re tired and run-down, love. I knew something was amiss when we spoke the other night and it’s clear you’re feeling unwell.’

‘Just what every girl wants to hear.’

‘I never said you didn’t look beautiful.’

Oh.

‘What I do know,’ he continues, ‘is that you don’t have to do anything this afternoon. You can rest. Go and sort the puzzle with Alex if you want, or read, or sleep, or put something on the television. Just let yourself breathe.’

Her gut reaction is to protest, ‘I can take care of myself.’

‘That’s not what I’m saying love,’ he says gently as if her were expecting the words she said. ‘I know you can take of yourself and our lad. I’m just saying, that I’m here to be part of the team. If you’ll let me.’

She feels childish now for her clipped words. ‘Okay, I… thank you.’

Seeing that Alex is perfectly content completing his puzzle and chatting away to Killian as he starts their tacos, her body decides to take Killian’s advice and she curls her jean clad legs up beneath her and decides to keep looking through Anna’s book.

The next thing she hears is laughter. Alex’s laughter to be precise. Her eyes are closed. Why are her eyes closed? Crap. She fell asleep. Opening her eyes, she sees Killian must have draped a soft blanket over her. Stretching her limbs, she pulls the blanket off her and swings her legs to the floor. She pulls a hand through her hair trying to sort out the tangled mess it has become.

How long has she been asleep? When she stands, the boys notice her from where they’re sat at the table. ‘Mommy, look!’

 Emma smiles as the excitement in Alex’s voice despite the fact that her head feels like she needs more flu medicine. When she reaches them, she sees that Alex has made a fruit face on his pancake. They’re on dessert already?

‘That’s brilliant, kiddo. I love his nose,’ she says reaching forward to give Alex’s own nose a tweak. He squirms and grins as he pushes her hand away. ‘I made one for you too,’ he says gesturing to another plate in front of him.

‘I love it.’

‘I’ve kept your dinner warm, lass. Take a seat, I’ll go grab it,’ Killian states as he slides out of his seat. She doesn’t sit, however, and instead pads after Killian into the kitchen where he’s retrieving her food from the top oven.

‘Thank you.’

He spins. Surprised to see her. ‘I figured you needed your rest, so we decided to let you sleep a while. I hope that’s okay.’

‘I, look I’m not great at letting people take care of me but I am grateful, Killian. This,’ she gestures to her dinner and to him, ‘this is nice. It’s just…new.’

‘Aye.’

‘Dinner smells good.’

‘Well Alex cleared his plate so I’m taking that as a positive.’

Alex was right, the food was good and Emma could actually taste it for the first time in days which she took as a positive sign. Killian and Alex sat and finished his puzzle off at the table with her while she ate. It felt good. It felt like family.

Alex felt it too when they came to leave. How he’d clung tightly to Killian as he said goodbye. Smiling at the sight of his picture stuck proudly on the fridge door alongside a message from Olivia.

Killian had walked them down to her car and fastened Alex into his car seat. He leaned down to talk to Emma through the window.

‘Thank you for having us,’ she breathed. His blue eyes so close. Too close for her to say more.

‘Anytime. I mean that.’ He reached up to scratch behind his ear and Emma knew he wanted to say more.

She lowered her voice so that Alex wouldn’t hear. ‘Killian? What is it?’

‘I’m not trying to interfere, Emma but I just wanted to say I can take Alex out for a while tomorrow if you’d like to get a bit more sleep and rest. I know you’ll be busy again at the bakery when Monday comes and you need to get your strength back.”

Gods, this man. She can’t speak because her throat already feels tightened with emotion. He’s on their team. She’s not alone. Not that she was really alone since she met the Nolans and Ruby. This is different though.

He squeezes her hand briefly. ‘Shall I come and pick him up around ten? Give you a few hours to rest without our little bundle of energy?’

She nods at him and Killian leans in to tell Alex he’ll see him in the morning.

And despite the tiredness she feels and the throbbing in her head, Emma’s heart feels a little lighter.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy the new chapter. Sorry about the delay. Seventy hour working weeks aren't conducive to writing, but I'm hoping to have another update soon!

_Then_

It’s different. Spending the whole day together. They haven’t even really done anything special in the true sense of the word and yet it seems and feels entirely special to him. Being with her, just walking and talking and stopping for a bite to eat – it feels right.

He itches to take her hand as they walk down by the waterfront but forces himself to stop. Stuffs his hand into the pocket of his jacket instead. Odd that he feels he has a better read on Emma in the last three days then he’s ever had on any other woman. Hand holding, or so he thinks, would be far too intimate an action for Emma. Which, yes, sounds slightly absurd considering all the other ways in which they have been intimate. There’s something guarded about her though. She’s been hurt and let down and he doesn’t want to push when he already feels that she’s probably shared a littler more of herself with him than many get to see.

He’ll wait.

She’s worth it.

‘Pizza?’ Emma asks pointing towards a place the other side of the road.

‘What man says no to that?’

Emma can’t decide between toppings, so he hands over his card and orders both before she can protest too much. She blushes prettily, mumbling a thanks behind the curtain of her hair as she hides her face slightly and it only makes him fall more. He’s dumfounded again by how such small gestures surprise her and he knows he’ll never understand how anyone who has come across her could do anything less. She deserves the world.

She makes him want to be the man who could give it to her. For the first time since Liam’s death, he feels like he wants to be the man he was becoming again. Someone worthy of her.

‘What?’ she asks laughing and he realises he’s been staring at her as they tuck into the take away pizza straight from the boxes. She’s cross legged on the floor perched by the coffee table. Her hair is windswept from their day out and her sock has a hole in by her big toe. She pokes him with it. ‘You’re staring.’

‘Well that’s your fault, love.’

She snorts as she plucks a pepper from the topping of the slice in hand and pops it in his mouth. She’s eaten more than him. He’s watched as she inhaled four slices before looking rather guilty and picking at another piece. He’s just quietly sat enjoying her company eating away at his own food, but his mind is in overdrive.

He knows her body is slender after the way they have enjoyed one another’s company the last couple of nights. Tries to chase away the thought that maybe she’s not eating enough. Replays in his mind they way in which she changes the subject when it comes to talking about herself and where she lives. He knows she was living with her asshole ex up until very recently and she said she’s in between jobs as a result of her previously working for her ex’s father’s company.

He can’t ask outright. Knows she’ll leave.

‘Well I’m rather attracted to you, you see,’ he teases in reply. Which is true. It’s so true he feels as if there’s a sign around his neck for all to see. And no, it’s not exactly why he was staring, but it’s a truth all the same.

There’s that blush again. ‘Sap’

‘I prefer dashing,’ he says angling his body towards hers and crowding her space, ‘or charming.’

She hums against him. Her gaze flitting to his lips. She leans forward and captures his lips in a soft kiss.

Will it always feel like this? Like he’s kissing her for the first time.

He rests his forehead against hers and pulls her close so she’s in his lap feeling overcome with the need to make this moment last. ‘Swan.’

He sees his own emotions reflected in her face. The whole day has felt different, more real in the light of day.

He kisses her again trying to tell her how he feels without words.

It works.

_\--------_

_Now_

Alex’s giggles fill the air slung as he is over Killian’s shoulder. Killian carrying their lunch in his free hand. He’d taken Alex to the bowling rink over in Misthaven before picking up some lunch to eat back at his place.

‘I feel really tall.’

Killian’s chuckles at his son’s comment. ‘Do you want to give your Mom a call when we get in?’ He buzzes in through the entryway into this apartment complex and sets Alex down on the floor with a dramatic groan pretending to find him heavy.

‘It’s okay,’ Alex shrugs. ‘Mom said when Uncle David was poorly that I couldn’t ring because he might be asleep.’

Killian ruffles his hair. ‘You’re right. Mom might be getting some rest.’

They decide on a picnic lunch on the floor and Kilian can’t help but soak up this time with his boy. Killian’s mind traveling back to eating pizza with Emma sitting cross-legged on the floor of the apartment above the bar all those years ago. He longs for a time when it will be the three of them. It’s the first time he and Alex have spent anything like this amount of time alone together and it seems to be going swimmingly. Alex is happy and chatters away while he flits between taking bites from his sandwich and drawing on the papers he has sprawled out across the coffee table.

And Killian knows that Alex is used to spending time in the company of others away from his Mom. Emma had told him how David and Mary Margaret, along with Ruby and her Grandma, often spend time with him to help Emma out with her schedule and the bakery. Yet, it still fills his heart with joy at the fact that Alex is comfortable spending time alone with him. That he’s content and happy. It’s something, spending father and son time with his lad, but he yearns for Emma’s presence too.

He recalls the tiredness in her features this morning when he picked Alex up. The almost sheepish look on her face as she had tugged on the sleeves of her ratty pyjama top and run a hand through her hair. He’d wanted to reassure her that this was the point of him taking Alex for a while, so she could get back in bed and rest. That she had nothing to feel embarrassed or guilty about. (He wanted to tell her she took his breath away.)

His son’s voice pulls him from his reverie. ‘What was that, lad?’

‘Can I make Mom a card?’

‘That sounds like a fantastic idea.’ He smiles at the glee in Alex’s features at his approval. He helps Alex to carefully fold the card and leaves him to it while he tidies away from lunch. From over the kitchen island, he can keep an eye on Alex. Not that he particularly needs to, the lad is engrossed in his handiwork. His tongue poking out as he concentrates on whatever he is creating. Killian snaps a photograph of it, glancing down at the captured image. Alex’s hair is sticking up all over the shop, rather as his own does. One sleeve of his sweater is rolled up, the other slipped down his arm but he is far too immersed in his drawing to notice or care. He saves it to send it to Emma later.

He fixes them both a drink and wonders back into the lounge area. ‘Here you go, bud.’

Alex halts and grins up at him. ‘Look!’

Killian’s breath catches in his chest. It’s not the words, ‘Get well Mommy’ that makes feel like someone has reached inside his chest and squeezed his heart, it’s the picture of the three of them that Alex has drawn. He’s taken the time to draw the clothes that he and Killian are wearing today. Emma a t-shirt with a bold star on the front. Around the edge of them are scattered various attempts at cakes and flowers and even a pretty good attempt at her car.

‘It’s amazing,’ he says finding his voice. ‘Mom will love it.’

Alex nods his head enthusiastically. A lock of his hair falling across his forehead that Killian reaches out to brush to the side. ‘I did the things that Mom loves.’

Christ.

This lad.

Killian clears his throat, ‘Yellow flowers then?’

Alex nods again and then scrambles up to open up the drawer under the coffee table and get them two coasters. A wide grin on his face that he remembers where they are. It’s exactly what Killian wants. Alex to feel at home here, with him.

Killian bows a grand thank you which makes Alex giggle again. That damn infectious laugh of his. ‘Maybe we should get some flowers for your Mom on the way home so that you can give them to Mom too?’

‘Cool.’

Yeah, he thinks. As Alex flops onto the sofa next to him. Having his lad tucked into his side is cool indeed.

Emma texts around 4 o’clock saying that she’s up and about and that he can bring Alex back when he’s ready.

He clips Alex into the car seat he keeps around for Olivia as they make the drive back to Storybrooke. He glances in his rear-view mirror to see Alex’s head droop onto his shoulder, worn out from his day. Emma’s card sits on the seat beside him and Killian remembers that he needs to pull into the florists that he has spotted on his way to their place before.

Shutting off the engine jolts Alex awake, and he sleepily rubs his eyes. ‘Are we getting the flowers?’

‘Yeah, bud if you’re up to it.’

He helps hop Alex down and folds his small hand in his own as they push open the front door, the bell signalling their arrival.

It doesn’t take Alex long to choose a small, pretty bouquet of yellow and white flowers. Killian hands him the correct amount of money to pay for them and watches on as Alex pays the cashier, a kindly, elder woman who beams as Alex tells her the flowers are for his Mom.

‘You’ve got a delightful boy there,’ she says to Killian.

He couldn’t agree more. ‘Thank you. Take care.’

He holds the door open for Alex as he carefully carries the flowers outside.

‘Alex! Killian.’

They both turn to see Mary Margaret coming towards them laden with shopping bags.

‘Well those are some pretty lowers you have there,’ she says as she crouches down to inspect them.

Alex beams. ‘They’re for Mom. Dad said I could get some to cheer her up.’

Mary Margaret’s eyes glance to his own and Killian feels his cheeks heat under her knowing gaze.

‘Well I think she’ll love them.’

‘Me too.’

‘And how are you, Killian?’ she asks rising to greet him.

‘Aye, good thanks. We’ve had a fun day.’

‘I can tell, this little man looks thoroughly tired out, so I won’t keep you. Are you heading back to Emma’s now?’

Killian nods his agreement.

‘You know, I have politely told Emma all week that she should go home and rest and all it earned me were death stares and eye rolls and yet here you are.’

Mischief dances in Emma’s sister-in-law’s eyes and Killian knows all too well what she is suggesting.

He clears his throat. ‘Maybe I just caught her at the right time.’

‘Maybe.’

Killian busies himself with opening the door for Alex and clipping him in. ‘Do you need a ride anywhere? We can drop you?’

Mary Margaret waves away his offer. ‘My car is around the corner, it’s fine. Thank you though.’

In a move that doesn’t really surprise him, the brunette leans in to give him a hug. ‘Keep doing what you’re doing,’ she whispers before waving at Alex and then breezing down the road leaving Killian somewhat stunned in her wake.

\--------

She can’t stop glancing at them. In truth, she only has herself to blame for that since she’s curled up on her sofa watching re-runs of Parks and Rec and she’s placed them by the side of the television. Both of them.

The flowers and the card.

She hears Ruby’s voice in her head saying they’re ‘from her boys’ and she can’t disagree. And that damn card. She’d had to fight back tears when Alex had thrust them both into her arms as she opened the door to them. Killian had merely smiled and reached up to touch his ear in that nervously endearing way of his.

She felt so much better after a few hours sleep and solitude. Saw it reflected in her features appearing in the steamed bathroom mirror after her shower. Alex had clearly loved his day with his dad. For once, she didn’t feel guilty about taking some time to herself. That was all Killian’s doing. He’d said he was there to be part of the team and she’s starting to realise how good it can feel if she lets him.

_Thank you again for today._

She hits send and turns off the television deciding that turning in early for the night will help her to be ready and raring to go for the following day back at work.

**Anytime.**

**How are you feeling?**

_Much more human. Going to get another early night._

**_Good. Eric and his wife have called round._ **

Emma smiles at the thought of more of Killian’s partner being there. Glad that he has people after Liam’s death.

_I’ll let you catch up then. Enjoy!_

**Night, Swan**

**I see him every day. I don’t need to catch up with him! His wife is lovely but nosey and wanted to see my place.**

**If you need anything, just ask. For either of you.**

She falls asleep to images of the three of them together like on the front of Alex’s card.

\-------

He picks Alex up from school on Thursday night and all but feels the tension leave his body when his boy throws himself at his legs. ‘I missed you, Daddy,’ Alex says and though his grin is broad and wide it hits Killian square in the gut.

He’s missed his boy too. Ached for him over the last few days when he’s barely even gotten the chance to speak to him being completely swamped at work with a possible lead into the smuggling case. And yes, he’d been lucky enough to spend nearly the entire weekend with him but selfishly it’s made him want more. It’s made him want that to be his normal.

‘Good job, because I missed you too.’

‘Cool.’

‘How was school today?’

‘We did art this afternoon and it was so –

-cool?’

‘Yeah!’

Killian chuckles at his son’s enthusiasm and word of the moment. Emma says it will swap out for another word of choice soon enough.

Alex chatters on about the artwork he’s made as they make their way back to his car. He’s taken to parking in the same spot a couple of streets away that Emma had shown him on that first day. Alex swings his arms as they walk and asks if they can play Lego when they get to Killian’s ‘‘partment’.

They do. End up making some sort of castle fort for which Killian makes up ridiculous tales about a princess and a pirate and an ogre (because Alex wanted an ogre).

When he buckles Alex into his car seat to take him home, the word is hard to swallow. He doesn’t want Alex’s home to be anywhere that his isn’t. Emma too, if he’s honest about it. He just doesn’t quite know what to do about it yet. He knows what he would have done six years ago, but things are different now. There’s more at stake and he can’t afford a misstep.

When they enter the restaurant, Alex skips off to say hello to Granny who gives Killian her customary wink as a greeting. Seeing Alex happily occupied he heads over to the bakery counter, but Emma is nowhere to be found.

‘She’s just in the back.’

He looks to his left to see the man who must be Jefferson busy adding seasoning to a dish before calling the wait staff over. The smells radiating from his counter make Killian realise how hungry he is.

‘Head on back if you want.’ Jefferson adds nodding towards the doors to the offices behind.

‘No, it’s alright. I can wait,’ Killian says stepping towards where the other man works.

Jefferson wipes his hands on the dishcloth he has thrown over his shoulder and offers his hand to Killian. ‘Somehow I don’t think we’ve properly met yet. Jefferson Hatter, Jeff.’

‘Aye. Killian. Pleasure to meet you too.’

‘What do you say, fancy watching the game together over the weekend?’

The man’s question takes him by surprise. Direct. Open.

‘Aye, yeah. That’d be good.’ Besides his colleagues at the station, he hasn’t met that many other people since moving to Misthaven. Certainly not many he could hang out with to watch a game. David is, of course, a possibility there but he doesn’t want to push that one too much. Not yet.

‘Great. Listen, grab my number from Emma and we’ll make plans,’ he says as he heads over to answer one of his staff’s calls.

‘Sure. Looking forward to it.’

‘What are you looking forward to?’

He spins to find Emma standing behind him. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun. A few strands have wiggled loose and frame her face beautifully. She’s effortless.

‘You look beautiful.’

She blushes at his words.

‘Erm, you too.’

He laughs at her choice of compliment and she raises her own hands to cover her face in embarrassment.

‘I usually go for handsome or rugged, or dashing, but I’ll take it.’

‘I’m tired,’ she groans in her defence.

‘Sure, that’s what it is,’ he teases. ‘Seriously though, how are you feeling?’

‘Much better. Honestly.’

‘Good.’

‘Has Alex had a good day?’ she asks turning to see where he is and spotting him being shown something or other by Granny.

‘Aye, all good. Very excited by an afternoon of art.’

Her eyes are on his and for a moment she seems to forget to respond. Shaking her head free from her thoughts, she asks him what he had been looking forward to.

‘We got distracted,’ she adds.

‘By you calling me beautiful.’

She just shakes her head at him but she’s smiling and it’s a playful thing that does something to his insides.

‘Jeff asked me to watch the game with him over the weekend.’

‘So you were excited because you have a date,’ she flirts and that’s what it is. That’s definitely what it is.

He takes a step further into her space ready to tell her that she’s the only date he’s interested in having when a cry of Mom and bundle of five-year-old careers towards them.

‘Hey, kiddo,’ she says reaching down to kiss her boy on the cheek. ‘Remember what I said about rushing around when we’re busy.’

Alex’s eyes widen. ‘Oh. Sorry.’

‘It’s okay, bud. Just be careful, okay?’

Alex nods and Killian knows he means it. He listens so carefully to his Mom when she speaks. He noticed it right from the start. Their unmistakeable bond. He’s just so grateful that Alex seems to be extending him the same chance to be there for him.

‘Ruby said we could have a day at the park at the weekend!’

‘Oh she did, did she?’

Alex’s firm nod causes a stray lock of hair to fall over his forehead and both he and Emma reach over on instinct to brush it away. His eyes catch her and she giggles. Full on giggles. Right there in the restaurant. Clearly, she’s feeling better.

‘Ruby said Jeff will teach me how to do frisbee.’ Alex says pausing to choose the word frisbee with care.

‘Of course she volunteered his services,’ Emma sniggers. ‘Maybe we could combine a park afternoon before you two watch the game?’

He nods. He’d like nothing more. Feels like another way in which he is being wrapped up in their lives. A life they could have together. He wants nothing more.

\--------

‘Shouldn’t it be harder?’  
  
Ruby’s head whips round to face her. They’re sitting on a bench in the park watching Jeff and Alex chase around after a frisbee. Or rather, Jeff chases around after the frisbee following Alex’s wayward throws. Killian has gone on a hot drinks run to warm them up as the temperature drops in the late afternoon. ‘Shouldn’t what be harder? Killian?’

Emma bites her lip in response.

‘Why?’ her friend asks her. Confusion written over her face.  
  
How can she explain it? Today has only served to be another example of how well Killian fits in their life. He and Jeff get along like a house on fire and it’s clear that Ruby approves.

‘I mean it could have gone horribly wrong with Alex and it just… didn’t. There were no theatrics or caged up emotions. He accepted it all. Happily. And Killian too. He’s just taken it all in his stride,’ she huffs trying to find the words.  ‘I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. For someone to jump out at me and say, ‘Haha Emma, just kidding.’  
  
‘Don’t question a good thing.’  
  
Emma can’t fight back the snort that leaves her throat.  
  
‘Look, you’re right. Even good things, the _best_ things, are hard at times. Really hard. Life has taught both of us that. But when you _want_ it, when you’ve chosen, you fight for it with everything you have.’

‘When did you get so good at giving advice?’ Emma mumbles petulantly. It’s exactly what she needed to hear and it just flat out terrifies her. What if she ruins it all?  
  
She watches Alex accidently release the frisbee behind him and collapse in laughter on the floor.  
  
Ruby’s voice cuts across her thoughts once more. ‘And you can’t tell me that you wouldn’t go into bat for what you and Killian may have. And from where I’m standing there’s no doubt he’d do the same.’

Are they that obvious?  
  
‘Emma, you can’t see it because you’re in it, but the two of you…. there’s something real there. Do you even realise how many times the two of you make eye contact when you’re in the same room? Or the way that you angle yourself toward him when you sit down? You let him take care of you without feeling like it makes you weak.’  
  
Ruby’s words hit home. That’s exactly how Killian makes her feel. Protected, but free. It’s the best feeling in the world.  
  
‘I love him.’

Her words are whispered and thick with emotion, but it feels so damn good to say it.

‘I know you do,’ Ruby says reaching to squeeze her hand. ‘You know, I’ve never known a kid love the park so much,’ Ruby comments smiling fondly at Jeff and Alex.  
  
‘He has plenty of energy to burn that’s for sure,’ Emma says swiping at her cheeks to brush away the tear that had fallen.  
  
‘At least it’s not too far for you to come to either.’  
  
She pauses, ‘Yeah’  
  
‘Spill. What is it?’  
  
‘I’ve been saving to move to a house with a garden for him.’  
  
Rubys’ face lights up in surprise. ‘Wow! You kept that quiet. Where? I swear to god it had better be here or I can’t be held responsible for what my grandmother might do.’  
  
Emma laughs, but knows damn well that Ruby is only half-joking. ‘She has no need to get her shotgun out. Of course I’m looking here.’  
  
‘Have you actually been to view any yet?’  
  
‘Not yet. I keep looking in the paper and online. There’s a couple I wouldn’t be far away from.’  
  
‘I’m so proud of you,’ Ruby grins. ‘And don’t bother with removal guys. Jeff will help.’  
  
Emma laughs at how, once again, Ruby volunteers Jeff’s services. ‘Oh yeah, and what will you do?’  
  
'Watch Handsome of course,’ Ruby replies rolling her eyes as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world.  
  
‘You’re moving?’  
  
Her heart skips a beat. She feels the pit of her stomach fall out as she turns to see Killian returned with their drinks. A look of utter devastation on his face.  
  
Ruby recovers first. ‘Here, let me take these three off your hands,’ she says reading the scrawled drinks names on the side of the cups to get hers and Jeff’s as well as Alex’s hot chocolate.  
  
‘I’ll let Emma share the _good_ news,’ she emphasises as she stalks across the park to interrupt Jeff and Alex’s game. Emma watches as Alex grins and takes his cup making towards walking back over to her and Killian. Ruby reaches out for his hand to stop him and Jefferson seems to pick up on it reaching to ruffle his hair and motion for them to walk around the lake.  
  
Killian is still tense standing before her.  
  
‘Killian, please sit,’ she begs moving down the bench to create space for him.  
  
He makes eye-contact then and sees the pleading on her face. Sits beside her. She reaches her hand across to his and squeezes. Tight.  
  
‘Killian, I’m looking for a house with a garden for Alex. Locally. That’s all. I promise.’  
  
She sees his jaw unclench as he releases a breath. ‘Shit, Swan,’ He drags a hand through his hair. ‘You don’t need to apologise. I just...panicked. I know I have no right to, but the thought of being away from the both of you after so long. I hated it.’  
  
‘You have every right, Killian. Alex is yours too. I would never...’  
  
He cuts her off, pulling her across the bench to tuck her into his side and presses a kiss to the top of her beanie.  
  
‘I know that. You don’t need to reassure me of that fact,’ he soothes. ‘Does Alex know?’  
  
‘What? Oh, no,’ she responds after a pause. Briefly too caught up in the warmth and comfort of his embrace. ‘I’ve not quite got enough saved yet and so I don’t want to tell him until I’m ready to hit the ground running.’  
  
‘I’d like to help, you know.’  
  
‘With looking at houses?’  
  
‘Well, yes, that too if you’d like,’ he pauses. ‘I meant financially, Swan.’  
  
She jerks upright. ‘Killian, no.’  
  
‘Emma, wait,’ he holds up his hands, placating her. ‘Just hear me out.’

He waits for her nods before he continues.  
  
‘I know, this is something you are more than capable of doing alone and the fact that you are working for this to give our boy some space or his own to play in is amazing. You’re doing something amazing.’  
  
There he goes again.  
  
‘But I’d like to be a part of that, if you’ll accept my offer. I want it for Alex too. I’d like nothing more than to help out to make it happen. Be part of the team.’  
  
And when he says it like that, and means it like that she finds it hard to argue against it but how can she possibly accept that it won’t be his home? It won’t be where he sleeps. Where he returns to at the end of a long day.  
  
‘Killian, I...thank you. It’s just you wouldn’t actually be, well, you know.’  
  
‘I don’t care, Emma,’ he says reading into her words the one’s she couldn’t quite get out. ‘I mean I _do_ care. Of course, I care about the fact that I’m not always with you two but that’s not what it’s about for me. I’m not trying to buy my way in. I never would.’  
  
‘I know.’  
  
‘Good,’ he says. A small smile returning to his face. ‘Our boy is really quite terrible at frisbee isn’t he?’

And just like that, he has her laughing.

‘Come on,’ he says standing and holding out his hand to pull her up. ‘Let’s go catch up with them.’

‘I’ll think about it,’ she tells him.

He looks at her like a kid on Christmas morning. Something about his smile that’s young and free and insanely like Alex.

She lets herself take another step closer to telling him the words she’d told Ruby.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise these two do get their act together in the not too distant future. Until then, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

‘I’m looking to buy a house with a garden for Alex.’

The words tumble out of her mouth in one quick exhale.

‘Just for Alex? I think he’s a little too young to be living alone yet.’

Emma turns from where she’s plating up this morning’s produce to look at Mary Margaret who look far too pleased with her own joke.

‘You’re really quite pleased with that one aren’t you?’

Mary Margaret just arches an eyebrow and continues to slice the loaf she’s working on.

Emma tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear and keeps her eyes focussed on the task in front of her. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.’

Mary Margaret waves off her apology. ‘And you’re telling me now because…’

‘Killian knows.’

‘Oh,’ Mary Margaret pauses seemingly waiting for Emma to continue and when she doesn’t she changes tack. ‘Have you found a house yet?’

‘No. I mean, sort of. I’ve been keeping an eye out but I’m not quite there yet. I have enough money for the house, but we’d need some new furniture too so I want to keep saving for a while longer yet.’

‘Smart.’

Emma bites her lip because Mary Margaret has gotten so damn good at this. At waiting her out. It goes against everything in her nature (Mary Margaret being the Queen of asking what she wants to know) but she’s learned from David how best to handle Emma.

‘Killian offered to help. Financially.’

Mary Margaret continues slicing the loaf. The scrape of the knife as it drags through the crust bizarrely loud in Emma’s ears.

‘Makes sense.’

‘Does it?’ Emma’s head whips round finally giving up on pretending she can achieve anything in the next few minutes.

‘Yes. Why do you think it doesn’t?’

‘Because he wouldn’t be living there with us.’

‘Funny how that is the thing that’s got you twisting yourself in knots.’

‘Your eyebrows need to calm down today,’ she huffs as Mary Margaret once again calls her out with an arch of her brow.

‘And so do you, Emma.’ Her friend dusts her hands off on her apron, finally finished with her task. ‘You would have been entitled to ask Killian for financial support with raising your child for the last five years and you’re not. I do understand that given the circumstances, but you also need to understand that he offered. He wants this for Alex too. Let him help.’

‘You make it sound easy,’ Emma says pulling apart a piece of the sliced loaf only for Mary Margaret to slap her hand away.

‘Stop messing up my sampling plate. Look, I think this is a case where you’re over thinking things. Which I get, I would be doing the same thing but maybe ask David if you want a guy’s perspective? I imagine he’d be doing the same thing in Killian’s situation.’

David isn’t here though and Emma can’t get the thought out of her head. She glances again at the image of the house she’s seen in the paper and seeks out Jefferson.

‘I need five minutes,’ she says before preceding to fill him in.

When she finishes Jefferson flicks his dish towel over his shoulder and turns to continue his meal preparations. ‘Killian’s a good guy. I like him. He’s not doing it with expectations. Alex is his son and he loves him. He can help and he wants to. No problem with that from where I’m standing.’

Emma lets his words wash over her, breathing out a sigh of relief she didn’t know she was holding. ‘So I’m overthinking this?’

‘I’ve learned it’s best not to answer that question when a woman asks me it.’

Emma laughs. ‘Thanks, Jeff,’ she says rising on her tip toes to press a swift kiss to his cheek.

\--------

He works flat out the following week. Phillip and Robin stumble across an important lead in the smuggling case and the four of them set about researching every possible link between Gull Shipping Inc. and their information.

He only sees Alex on the Thursday he collects him from school and he hates it. Can’t help but wish that they were there when he gets home at night. Snatched phone calls aren’t the same. Emma hasn’t mentioned anything about the house again and he hasn’t brought it up. It hasn’t stopped him from checking the real estate agents online and seeing what’s out there.

‘You know, your thoughts are written all over your face.’

‘Oh, really,’ he says rising an eyebrow at Elsa. ‘And what am I thinking right now then?’

‘That you’d really like it if I shut up.’

He chuckles. ‘Your psychic powers know no end.’

‘And before that you were thinking about how you’ve missed Alex this week.’

Damn it. She is good.

‘Told you,’ she smirks.

He’s helping Elsa clear away from lunch. Anna having taken Olivia out for ice cream. Lord knows why they both wanted it on this cold, autumnal day but there you go.

Anna had arrived in a blur of enthusiasm and activity that morning. Jet-lag from her long journey seemingly having no effect on her energy levels. She’d bestowed gifts on them all and then gripped Killian so tight, he had to remind her that he’d fairly recently broken his ribs.

‘I’m just so proud of you!’ she’d grinned punching his arm.

‘And we all know punching people is how you show pride around here.’

(That had earned him another punch.)

‘I’m proud of you being the best dad that boy could have.’

She’d got him there. Right in the gut. She’d squealed over the pictures he’d shown her on his phone before shushing her, reminding her that Liv still didn’t know.

‘Catch,’ Elsa says throwing the dish towel at him. ‘You can be on drying duty.’

Elbow-deep in suds, Elsa asks him something that stumps in. ‘Have you talked to Emma about officially making Alex yours?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, that Emma couldn’t have registered your name as the father even if she’d wanted to,’ she said gently.

Shit. She’s right. He drags a hand through his hair. It hadn’t even occurred to him.

‘Killian, don’t panic. That’s not why I said it,’ she urges. ‘But you should both talk about it. It probably hasn’t occurred to Emma either since everything has been going so well for you all. It’s just that from a legal standpoint…’

‘Why would I need a legal standpoint?’

Elsa yanks off her rubber gloves at the tone he uses. Half angry, half scared.

‘Jones. Stop. I do not for a second believe that you need anything legal with regards to Emma letting you be part of Alex’s life. Ever. I do, however, think that from a security point of view that you should look into it. Heaven forbid that anything should happen to any of us, but if it did then you being registered as his father would make a world of difference.’

‘Right, you’re right.’ He lets the truth in her words sink in.

‘It’s also a fact that should be celebrated, Killian. Officially. You being that boy’s father is a wonderful thing.’

That he can’t disagree with.

At that moment, Anna and Olivia burst back into the house bring the cool air with them. ‘Sister,’ she announces, ‘we should go out dancing! It’s been forever.’

And so, Killian finds himself rather willingly coerced into having Olivia for the night. He’d never complain.

He’s a fool.

A fool acting like a love-sick teenager.

He’s lying awake thinking about her smile and the way her eyes had lit up when she’d seen he and Alex slip into a booth at the bakery. He’s also thinking about her hair. He’s always thinking about her hair. He’s trying to pull himself together a bit but he’s kind of in awe of her.

And it’s stupid turn of phrase anyway. Love-sick. He doesn’t feel sick; he feels elated. He wants to be the man she deserves. Both of them.

But Emma in particular needs to trust in the sincerity of his affections. He knows all too well the scars of a lonely childhood. And he’d had Liam. She’d had no-one and then he’d left her alone again and David’s right. They need to talk. He knows this.

She may have amazed him with the level of faith she’s shown in him over the years and he knows just how heavily weighted that faith is when it comes from Emma Swan.

And Elsa’s right. He needs to ask about starting the official process to make Alex his.

He knows these things to be right and true and necessary and yet he just keeps thinking about her smile.

He hears footsteps outside his bedroom door and jerks up. The door edges open and he sees Olivia silhouetted against the door.

‘What’s up, sweetheart?’

She sniffles, edging from one foot to another.

‘Come here?’ he says opening his arms. She pads across the floor and he pulls her up onto the bed and tucks her into his side. ‘You’re alright, Liv.’

‘I don’t feel well,’ she mumbles.

He presses a hand to her forehead and she’s a little clammy. He has some child’s Tylenol around here somewhere. She’s not one to complain very often.

‘How about we sit and read in the lounge for a bit until you feel a bit better?’ he suggests.

When she nods he eases up and lifts her into his arms. She tucks her head into his chest and gives a little sigh. He’s hit by a memory of Liam taking care of him as a lad when he was sick himself. Dearly wishes his brother would have had the chance to raise his daughter. He would have been a great Dad. Already was in a lot of ways in the way that he’d taken care of Killian.

‘I love you, Liv,’ he says feeling a rush of emotion towards his niece.

‘Can I have poorly squash?’ she asks, and he smiles at her British turn of phrase. Poorly squash was something Liam used to do for him. Lukewarm cordial to sooth him when he felt rubbish. Cheap and comforting. He’s fairly certain Liv only asks for it because she knows it was something her Dad used to do but he’ll happily oblige

‘Aye, lass. If you take some medicine first for your temperature. We’ll have you right as rain in no time.’

He thinks she’s drifted back to sleep about half an hour later and three storybooks in. Her breathing has slowed down and the Tylenol should be kicking in.

He shifts to take her back to her bed when she opens her eyes. ‘Sorry, sweet,’ he says softly. ‘Did I wake you?’

She shakes her head. ‘I was just thinking,’ she says sounding frightfully like her mother.

‘Oh yeah, and what are you thinking about in the middle of the night?’

Her voice is small when she answers. ‘Can we still do this now that you’re a Daddy?’

His heart definitely skips a beat. How on Earth?

‘Liv,’ he says turning her round so she’s facing him. ‘How do you know that?’

‘Aunt Anna was talking to Mommy about it,’ she shrugs.

Of course she bloody did. She’s been in town less than twenty-four hours and she’s already put her foot in it.

‘Well, your Aunt Anna is right. I am someone’s Dad. His name is Alex. He’s five and he’d love to meet you.’

‘Really?’ There’s a spark in her eye again.

‘Of course, he’s your cousin.’

‘A real cousin?’ she asks, her face eager.

Killian nods at her and she snuggles back against him. He presses a kiss to the waves of her hair. ‘Liv, you’ll always be my girl. Being a Daddy doesn’t change that for me. You and your Mom are my family.’

‘And Aunt Anna.’

A rather strangled sound leaves his throat, but he also finds himself agreeing. As infuriating as she can be, he loves Anna to pieces. (Too big mouth and all.)

‘She asked Mommy if Alex’s Mom is pretty.’

Maybe he takes it back about loving Anna to pieces.

He answers honestly. ‘She’s beautiful.’

He waits for more of Anna’s words to escape Olivia’s mouth, but they don’t come, and he sighs in relief. When he’s convinced that Olivia truly is asleep he carries her back to the room he has for her at his place. When he strokes her hair as he settles her in, he’s pleased to note that her temperature has come down.

‘Love you, sweetheart.’

She stirs in her sleep and he pulls the door to so that there’s a sliver of light slanting into her room from the bathroom across the hall in case she wakes again.

Feeling tired enough to sleep himself he shakes his head when he sees the seven messages he has from Elsa.

_Anna just revealed Olivia may have overheard her talking about Alex._

_I could kill her._

_Well not, kill her but maybe pull her hair. She has such a blabbermouth._

_Has she said anything? Do you need me to come back?_

_Unlike Anna, I can handle my cocktails._

_Text me back, Jones._

Then the timestamp on the final message is about ten minutes later than the other.

_You’re probably asleep. Sorry_

**Tell Anna she owes me big time. All fine here. We’ve talked about it. Enjoy yourself x**

The traitor herself arrives to collect Olivia in the morning. Anything remaining of Killian’s frustrations disappearing when he opens the door the to see a very hungover Anna.

‘You look dreadful,’ he grins.

‘Thanks for the vote of confidence,’ she mumbles massaging her temples. ‘My sister roused me to come and get Liv as some sort of punishment I am sure.’

‘Well you do deserve some retribution for your big mouth, Hanssen.’

When she removes her absurdly large sunglasses and sees that she’s on the verge of tears he pulls her into a hug. ‘Come here, you idiot.’

‘I messed up. I’m sorry, Killian. I didn’t mean for her to overhear, I swear. I was just excited, and I talked too loud and –

\- breathe, Anna.’

‘Right, breathe. Of course. I am sorry though.’

‘I know that and Liv is okay. We had a chat.’

Anna pulls away and looks up at him. ‘Really? I was so worried. Elsa was so mad at me. I know how important you are to Olivia and that it might bring up things about losing people. I just wanted to know the details, you know? I love my job, but I spend months living off of the morsels of information you two feed me from thousands of miles away.’

‘Breathe, Anna.’

‘You already said that.’

‘And you’re still forgetting to do it.’

‘Right, okay.’

The fight seems to go from her then.

‘I wasn’t joking about you looking awful.’

‘You’re such a good brother.’

He laughs, ‘How much did you two drink?’

‘Oh, Elsa is fine. I just panic drank so that her death stare was dulled.’

‘Well, we’ve all been there,’ he leans across and presses a kiss to her temple. ‘Go, sit. I was just going to do us some breakfast.’

He watches Anna make her way into the lounge and snuggle up beside a pyjama clad Olivia. His phone lights up with an incoming message from Elsa.

_How many times has she said sorry?_

**About 22**

**Want to come for breakfast?**

And so, Elsa arrives looking remarkably fresh fifteen minutes later. ‘Go easy on her,’ he says nodding towards where Anna is chatting with Olivia. ‘She was genuinely worried that I’d be angry with her before.’

He watches his sister-in-law’s shoulders sag. ‘I know, I apologised to her too this morning. It took me by surprise last night.’

‘Aye, me too.’

‘Thank you,’ Elsa says bumping her hip to his.

‘What for? Making you this delicious breakfast?’

‘It’s packet pancakes,’ she deadpans. ‘No, for handling it as you did. As I knew you would.’

As if on cue, Olivia appears by her Mom’s side. Hair still in disarray from her night’s sleep. ‘Mommy, guess what?’

Elsa reaches down to plant a kiss to the top of her head. ‘What would that be?’

‘Alex is my cousin. A real-life cousin!’

Olivia’s smile is wide and Killian thinks may be Anna has done them all a favour. Ripping the band-aid off or something.

‘I know and I think he is pretty excited to meet you too,’ Elsa says kneeling down to rest her palm on Liv’s forehead. ‘How are you feeling? Uncle Killian said you had a bit of temperature last night.’

Olivia nods thoughtfully. She still looks a little peaky to Killian’s eyes. ‘I’m okay. Uncle Killian looked after me.’

‘Of course he did,’ he hears Elsa reply as he finishes up with their breakfast. ‘And you know that Uncle Killian isn’t going anywhere don’t you sweetheart? He’s still going to be here and we’ll still have breakfast together and you can have sleepovers?’

‘Because I’m his number one girl,’ Olivia says playing with the ends of her Mom’s hair.

‘You got it, lass,’ he grins feeling any doubts he had drift away.

\--------

‘You ready, kid?’

Alex scampers back into the lounge holding Lobster.

‘Is Lobster coming shoe shopping with us?’ she chuckles.

‘Yep, because he’ll be good at choosing.’

Emma feigns thoughtfulness, ‘You know, he does look like he’d be good at choosing sneakers.’

They’d made a quick lunch pit-stop at home after his swim lessons before heading back out. Once again, Emma was so grateful that her boy just took things in his stride with minimal fuss.

‘Jason showed me to blow bubbles in the pool today!’ he grins as she buckles him into his seat.

‘That’s not always the best plan in a swimming pool, bud. Sometimes getting the water in your mouth can make you poorly.’

‘That’s okay. I won’t swallow it,’ he shrugs.

Emma has to hand it to him. His reasoning is clear. ‘It is pretty fun, huh?’

‘Yup. Can you do it?’

‘I sure can. I’m the best bubble blower in Storybrooke I’ll have you know.’

She glances at his bug-eye reaction in her rear-view mirror and laughs.

‘Are you better than Daddy?’

‘Way better.’

‘Cool.’

When they get to the kid’s section of the store, Alex looks completely overwhelmed by all of the choices. Emma is too, to be honest. Surely, they could choose from like ten pairs instead of what feels like ten hundred? And truthfully, if feels like five minutes ago that she was buying him new ones but he’s growing by the day. Her little man is not so little now.

‘Any idea what colour you might like, buddy?’

Alex spins around and around seemingly looking for something until his eyes land on what he wants. ‘Yes!’ Emma hears him say as he takes her hand and pulls her over towards what he was searching for.

He stands on his tip-toes pointing towards what he’s seen. ‘Look!’

Emma looks and feels her heart clench at the sight of a pair of vans almost identical to the ones Killian wears when they go to the park.

‘They’re like Daddy’s.’

And they’re more than Emma would usually pay but she looks back at the way Alex’s face has lit up and pictures the way that Killian’s will and, well, how can she do anything but ask for his size?

Once purchased, Alex carefully carries his box out to the car. Lobster sitting on top of the box like the precious cargo he is. ‘Thanks, Mommy.’

Gods does she love this boy.

‘Thank you, kid. I love your lovely manners. Maybe when we get home, we can send a picture of you in them to your Dad?’

Looking at Alex’s face, she definitely made the right choice. ‘You could get some too, Mommy.’

Yeah, she smiles to herself, she’s not ready to be that person. She is, however, the person who snaps a few cute pictures of Alex wearing his new sneakers around the house and sends them to Killian. _Guess what shoes Alex wanted when we went sneaker shopping today?_ She taps out and attaches the string of images.

The three little dots signify he is typing for an awfully long time before his reply comes through and judging by the brevity of it, she wonders what he thought to type and then changed his mind.

**Can I pop over?**

_Yeah, we’re just home._

**I’ll be over in twenty.**

**Olivia knows about Alex by the way. Long story but all good.**

_That’s good._

And it’s getting harder for Emma to deny the fact that she likes having Killian here. In the loft. With the two of them. When he’s here, it feels like the three of them make sense. Works. But then it seems like a fantasy because it’s not a reality. He’s on their team now and she will be forever overjoyed and grateful for this second chance they’ve got to be parents to their boy. She and Killian though, nothing’s changed.

Not really. Not in any real sense that would tip them from one thing to another.

He occupies far too many of her thoughts (and her dreams) but she’s terrified of messing it up. Of ruining what they have. She’s never felt so unsure of what to do. She knows what she wants…it’s just a lot. A lot when you’re so used to being a one woman show.

When he knocks on the door and she opens it to his smile, she forgets why she’s so scared. Tends to do that when he’s around. Notices he’s wearing his own Vans. Dork.

‘Come in,’ she says swinging the door open further.

‘Thanks, love. I know we normally plan things out a little more but, well, I saw all those photos and I just wanted to be here.’

He does this all the time. Says things that make her legs feel like jello. ‘Anytime.’ Scares herself a little when she means it.

The very tips of Killian’s ears redden.

‘He hasn’t taken them off yet,’ she tells him as they walk into the main space.

‘I hear someone got some new shoes?’

Alex’s head snaps up hearing his Dad’s voice and he barrels towards him. ‘Look!’

He places his toes against his Dad’s, his face beaming with pride that they do in fact match.

And, yeah, she takes a photo of that too.

\--------

It’s getting harder and harder to leave them.

Harder to drive away when all he wants to do is stay.

He knows going over there wasn’t scheduled today, but he’d seen the pictures Emma had sent and wanted nothing more than to see Alex’s smile in person. To hug him and tell him how ‘cool’ he thought it was that he’d chosen matching trainers. Damn it, he wishes he’d been trainer shopping with them. (No matter how long he lives this side of the pond, they’ll never be sneakers to him.)

Emma hadn’t seemed to mind though. She’d blushed prettily when she said he was welcome anytime and he feels like he may be taking her up on that offer more and more.

He’d stayed for dinner in the end then helped get Alex ready for bed. Stayed long enough to fill Emma in on Olivia finding out after Alex had gone to bed.

And then he’d gone and nearly bloody kissed her when he left. He’d pulled her into a hug thanking her for letting him come over and then the hug had lasted a little longer than usual. He’d breathed in the scent of her and held her close. Revelling in holding her. And then when he’d whispered into her hair that he had best go, he could have sworn she’d squeezed a little tighter.

When she turned her head up to look at him, he leaned closer. Couldn’t help it if he tried. It was Emma. _His_ Emma in his arms and it wasn’t about hurt or comfort or apologies, it was just them.

He’d reached to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear and he’d come so close to closing the last couple of inches between them.

Then some rational part of his brain (that he almost certainly hates) kicked in and he pulled back. Whispered his goodbye and the promptly kicked the wall outside of her closed apartment door. He’d sworn he would wait for her. Wait for Emma to be ready. He forgets himself when she’s near sometimes though.

_Did you get home okay?_

He grins like a child at her message.

**Aye. Thanks for today.**

_Let me know what Elsa says_

Once he’d explained about excitable, big-mouth Anna and that Olivia was excited to meet Alex, she’d suggested they come for an early dinner at the restaurant next week when it would be fairly quiet. And though he was a little nervous about the thought of them all being together, it was only because they were all so important to him.

Family. His family. He hopes Liam would be proud of him.


End file.
